Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Letter from Saturn: The Old, The New, Division of Labor and Pesky Aquarians

Dear Neptune,

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a very happy New Year 2012. It's always amazing when such a huge occasion is in your sign! It was time to look back when the sun entered Capricorn, but now it's time to look forward. We've only got a few more days until the sun enters Aquarius, which is also cool; I'm a secondary ruler for water-bearers as well. Nothing is as amazing as pure Capricorn, though. I love looking down at all of those goat men and women, boys and girls, having their understated, conservative birthday parties and being recognized for the wisdom they possess. You just can't beat it. I don't know how you can take the emotional ups and downs of your Fish. That would drive me insane. And isn't it appropriate that you get St. Patrick's day this year...probably one of the days when in many countries very few people are sober.

Honestly, when we had that meeting a few thousand years ago about what areas we would each be responsible for, we didn't think there would be any other planets. By the time you showed up in 1846, I think you got what the bull left at the fair, as John's mother would say. Let's see: You got drugs, alcohol, addiction, prisons, asylums, and monasteries. I will grudgingly admit that you've turned out some fantastic artists and musicians, even though most of them are still starving. Those two are good ones. And I don't deny my responsibility for part of the whole prisons thing--if I didn't punish people for violating society's laws by throwing them in jail, there wouldn't be a need for you to take it on. So I guess in some ways I owe you a thank you.

Anyway, I noticed in passing that John recognizes all of the signs on his Facebook status when they come and go. Somehow Capricorn got MISSED! I have no idea what happened. Maybe he was on the road to Florida or something, but I was a little disappointed. OK, I'll admit I was a lot disappointed. It's an important time of year for him, too, so of all the ones for him to miss, why did it have to be Capricorn? Oh well. I'll let it slide this time. Just don't tell anyone I did. 

I'm trying to put my happy face on for Aquarius. It's always a difficult time of the year for me. The Uranus-ruled people used to be mine, too, before Uranus' discovery in 1781. So I'm kind of torn. They still keep me around as a co-ruler, but water-bearers drive me NUTS with their rebelliousness and unpredictability. You never know what they'll do or say. And they're not fond of boundaries and existing structures, either. Always have to be cutting edge. No respect for tradition. Old doesn't mean "bad", but they don't get it. Everything has to change, I guess...but it's so hard for me. They make me feel more like the old man of this planetary committee more than most signs. And can't we CONSIDER change for a few years before we just wake up one day and do a complete 180? Whatever.

Well, I'm off. Lots to do today. I've been riding John mercilessly to get his taxes done and finish typing the last like four pages of his tarot book's main portion. Doesn't he want to have it done by spring? I can't be too upset, though...he was just named Head High Priest of his community, and received his title officially last month. I was so thrilled when I heard! He's now "father" to this group of men and women, likely a job that will take lots of time and energy. My calm, stable energy will serve him well. And oh yeah...I'm sure the rest of the planetary energies will serve him well, too. [You know I've got to say that or the Sun will sting me.] With all these budgetary difficulties in Europe, I'll be running around like a fat guy at an all you can eat Chinese buffet. I mean, come on, people, can't you spend within your means?!?!

Yours Sincerely,


PS: Could you ask your artists not to portray me with a scythe anymore?  I'd like to go with stern and foreboding, but the whole "Angel of Death" look is passé...so Dark Ages and yersinia pestis.

Monday, January 9, 2012

How much is too much for a reading?

A friend sent along this article to me today about a psychic who is taking advantage of the bad economy because more people need financial guidance. Of course it is completely appropriate that it showed during Capricorn, the season of long-term financial planning. Saturn would be SO EXCITED.


She charges $135 an hour, and for an hour-long psychic reading in New York City--sometimes they go longer--that's a pretty decent price. If you consider her geographic location, that sounds about right to me. I used to live in NYC, and the sticker shock there is pretty amazing. When you can drop $100 on drinks in practically a heartbeat--and trust me, you can!--people won't bat an eyelash when they need advice. I saw a reader in Seattle charging $90 an hour, and considering her location--Pike's Place Market--I thought that was a little on the high side but still fairly reasonable.

What really took me by surprise was the $20/minute that this one company charges. WOW. I don't know anyone who would pay that much.

OK, let me back up and rephrase: I hope that NO ONE who reads this blog would EVER consider paying that much for a psychic reading of any kind. I don't care how accurate you say you are; that's ridiculous and completely unreasonable. You don't need guidance that badly!

This is NOT a shameless marketing attempt, good people. I am simply trying to give you some perspective. When it comes to metaphysical readings of any sort--tarot, psychic, etc.,--you should pay a reasonable price. For most experienced tarot readers, it's about a dollar a minute or so. A little more, maybe, taking the location into account. Also, remember that if the venue does not belong to your reader, s/he will pay a percentage to cover rental expenses as well as other expenses--gas, tarot cards, credit card fees, etc. So the reader doesn't pocket it all, either.

I know I've talked about this before but it bears repeating: A more expensive reading does not mean that it will be more meaningful, accurate, enlightening, etc. If you feel uncomfortable paying the price, don't be pressured to part with your cash; step back, regroup, and wait until later or find someone else.

Monday, January 2, 2012

2012 Greetings from Neptune

Dear Saturn,

I wanted to take a moment to wish you well as you end another year. Many people don't even know that you're actually the Grim Reaper. OK, let me be clear...I don't want to offend your tender sensibilities. If people know about this, they might think you're less boring!

That didn't come out right, either, did it? Shit. You know I'm not that organized, so sue me. I'm actually trying to be nice. What I MEAN is that you have a very important role in the year as Father Time. That's right...most Americans don't know that you and your Greek counterpart, Chronos--looks like a few words having to do with time, doesn't it??--are pictured with a scythe, when it's time to reap what you have sown. When your time on this earth is up, you come along to tell us that it's the end. On those New Years' decorations, you are the Old Man, signaling the end of this particular year in time, while the baby is the new year being born. While many people fear the Grim Reaper, I don't think they fully understand how important you are in the whole scheme of things.

Anyway, I thank you for your work this past year, and remind you that John still hasn't finished his tarot book yet. He's still finishing the cleanup of the main text, as I recall, and has a few more chapters to type. I'm surprised you're not on him like white on rice, but I'm glad. The man needs a little time off, even if he likes you.

I hope you enjoy 2012, and hope you're taking this world-ending business as seriously as I take your threats to visit New Orleans. :)