Saturday, April 19, 2014

Aries 2014 Can Suck It...Except for Today

No one is happier to see Aries end this year than I am. No offense, Rams, but your season seriously tried my fucking patience this time. 

The main reason for the fuckery was the fact that I had to move. This is move #11 for Jen and I, so we moved five times as many times as one of the movers who showed up to cart off our crap. We thought, "We're moving less than 1/8 of a mile away. This is going to be easy." That was an error in judgment; this move was the toughest by far we've ever done, and these include moves that we've done ourselves!

So now you can see why I haven't blogged in a while. But I am starting to recover and get back in the swing of things, so hopefully there will be more entries soon. By now, Saturn has probably had a fit about me letting all of you down. At least Neptune will likely be too drunk to care. 

Today is the best day of Aries because my kitten Pele was born a year ago today. I didn't bring her home until May and I didn't know her as a newborn, but I have fallen in love with this little girl so hard. She totally stole my heart and I don't want it back. So today was by far the best day of Aries. Happy birthday to my Pele!

Taurus begins in a little while and I can hardly wait. Ideally I'll be asleep when it arrives. With that in mine, I bid you all a bonne nuit and look forward to blogging again soon. 

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Letters from Saturn: John Slacking Again

Dear Neptune,

I was disappointed to learn that John will NOT fulfill his obligation to the A to Z Blog hop in April this year. His complaints of a "hellish month" are just a sad excuse to go do something more fun. Sure, he has to get his house in order from the move, but how long will that take? I mean, how many books can one person own? He should also be making sure that the the one on Saturn is close at hand, even if it is called "A New Look at an Old Devil". 

What I don't get is how you can justify going on vacation as you shirk your responsibilities to your readers. I'm sure you knew he was going away for a few days. And he's going to Disney World, so there is no chance in the universe that John will get anything productive done. And to even go there is to risk financial ruin. Is blowing off steam really worth that much?

John's done a lot of things to irk me, but honestly, if he's going to write a blog, then it should be done on a schedule. But my advice has gone unheeded to this point. So I hope he at least apologizes to the good people who take the time to read his blog. 

Before I go, let me say that I'm a little angry at you as well. You know what it takes to make me angry, Great Deceiver. Our last conversation didn't end well. With that said, I was prepared to offer my apologies until I found out that you had 1) told Pluto that I was going to contact him about John; and 2) pilfered the lovely bottle of alcohol I had procured for your visit. 

Now I'm stuck talking to Pluto because you told him I would, which was a baldfaced lie. While I can't do anything about that, I did keep the receipt for the alcohol. Since you decided to just steal it--and don't try to call what you did "liberating" it, either--you can pay me the balance, which is $53.75. You can PayPal it to at your earliest possible convenience. 

I will end this communique before I consider using some of the colorful language that is so common in your lexicon.