Moon: Sir, we're working with a skeleton crew...looks like Venus, Mars, and Jupiter are all out right now.
Sun: Wait...those three are out, and Neptune is here?
Moon: Yes, sir.
Mercury: I heard those three were getting together soon, sir. This weekend, I thought.
Sun: We're conjunct with each other at various times, but what I don't understand us why they didn't show up. Did you check the Facebook page?
Mercury: I just looked. Nothing, sir.
Saturn: Sir, there has to be some sanction for this or else the behavior will continue. I for one am sick of having my time wasted.
Neptune: You're just incapable of rolling with it, aren't you, Old Man?
Saturn: Neptune, you have no standing to criticize me since you can never even be on time. I haven't missed a meeting since we started having them.
Pluto: Don't be a prick.
Saturn: [turns to Pluto] Excuse me? Were you talking to ME?
Pluto: You answered to it, right, prick? [snickers]
Saturn: I think it was better when you didn't say anything in meetings, Pluto. Why can't we go back to the days when we only had the classical planets? Those were the days...
Sun: Saturn, Pluto has every right to be here, as do Uranus and Neptune.
Pluto: And everyone knows you don't like us, Old Man.
Pluto: And everyone knows you don't like us, Old Man.
Saturn: Well, you outer planets are at least present, so I'll give them a tiny bit more credit than I normally would. Though that's still not much, I'll admit...
Mercury: Wait, a picture just came in on the Facebook page. [pause] Oh wow...is that a video of Jupiter trying to play Dance Dance Revolution with Venus and Mars observing? Looks like he's having a seizure, not dancing. WOW. [pause] I get they feeling they're not coming to the meeting, sir.
Sun: Well there's an astrology conference going on this weekend in Buffalo, NY, and we were going to look at the agenda and see how our messages are getting out.
Uranus: Sir, we already see some social media action on it. There's not much, but technically the full conference doesn't begin until Friday morning.
Sun: Well, OK then. I guess we move on without them. I want everyone to pay attention to the social media buzz on this and see what information about each of us is going out. I also understand that your favorite blogger, John, is going to be there, Old Man.
Saturn: I don't want to talk about him right now, sir. You know why.
Sun: [glowers at Saturn and speaks softly] You know, I'm getting sick of your shit, Saturn. You've been acting like a jerk since you walked in here. [pause and at full voice] All of you have your assignments, so go to it. I expect reports by COB Monday. Now please clear the room, except for Saturn. Lady Moon, please send my instructions to the Facebook page so Venus, Mars, and Jupiter complete their assignments.
Moon: Yes, sir. You heard him, please. Clear the room.
[Everyone else rises and leaves the room except the Sun and Saturn]
Sun: Saturn, you have no reason to be pissed at John. In fact, he's got more of a reason to be angry at YOU because of what you've been putting him through all spring and summer. He's handling it better than you, you know that?
Saturn: Sir, with all due respect, I don't appreciate...
Sun: [quietly] Saturn, don't piss me off. The way to do that is not to speak. [pause] I'm only going to say this once: Get the fuck over yourself. I'm very weary of your complaints. They've been going on for centuries. Some of that is an occupational hazard, I get that. But I don't want to hear any more sob stories about how everyone hates you, or about how some fat bastard is writing a blog you don't like. DO YOUR FUCKING JOB and keep quiet about it. Goodbye.
No comments:
Post a Comment