Saturn Sounds Off on "Secret"

Dear John,

I congratulate you on pushing the buttons of most of my colleagues. They're waiting with bated breath to hear what your secret is. It just goes to prove how shallow they are, and how they all wish they were more like me. But I digress.

I've refrained from giving you my opinion on this topic because, quite frankly, I'm on the road and I just don't have the time or energy to waste on it. With Mercury just returning, I also don't necessarily trust the world of the interwebs to get this to you, although I hope it will arrive.

You've known me your whole life, even when you didn't know it was me. The rest of them? Well, they don't have the pull with you that I do. Yeah, that may vex them slightly, but it's the truth. They all have their arguments--Mercury is the most elevated; Mars is the almuten, although that designation depends on who you ask; and the Sun is well, the Sun. But I've been gently, patiently guiding you toward true wisdom. Maybe I should repeat "patiently" again; your Scorpio stubbornness has been clearly evident.

My simple point is this: Tell us your secret. Or don't. I don't care. I refuse to get caught up in the drama that you have caused. If it turns out that you did something worthy of my congratulations, well...then I will undoubtedly extend them.

Unfortunately, I've got no further time to waste on this "secret" business, as other matters require my attention.

Regards,

Saturn