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Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Letters from Saturn: Requesting Assistance

Mercury: Sir, sorry to just drop in...I tried to call for an appointment...

Sun: [waves him into the office and closes Erin Condren planner] Come in, Mercury. Once Lady Moon heard about Orlando, she's been totally inconsolable. Hasn't left her room since she heard...

Mercury: I hear you, sir. But I thought I should bring this to your attention. I was coming in to discuss the transfer of John's Cincinnati trips over to me, but I was out getting the mail and I noticed this letter addressed to you. Looks like one of Saturn's "dispatches" from his retrograde journeys. 

Sun: I was wondering when he was going to report in. [Goes to open envelope] Do I need to ask why the seal is broken?

Mercury: Well, sir...

Sun: [holds up a hand] Don't bother lying, Mercury, because you suck at it. You already opened it. 

Mercury: Of course I did, sir. And I'm prepared to brief you on the contents.

Sun: [SIGH] At least you have your uses, Merc. But we don't need to have the talk about privacy again, do we?

Mercury: Well, Lady Moon needs to stop leaving her machine unlocked, sir, and there wouldn't be a problem. Though I will admit the underwear she ordered were a gorgeous blue color. I was surprised at the size, though...and the prices were totally ridiculous!

Sun: Merc, I swear I will change the Wifi password again if you breathe a word to anyone else that you haven't already told, assuming you didn't blog about it or something. 

Mercury: I understand, sir. 

Sun: So give me the brief and then put the letter on the desk, unless you've already made a copy.

Mercury: My memory is excellent, sir. I don't need a copy.

Sun: Ummm...good to know. Pushing forward...

Mercury: Yes, sir. His main points were basically to say that his journey is going satisfactorily, and that he's enjoying the break from social media. 

Sun: Wait a second. Saturn doesn't DO social media!

Mercury: Actually, sir, he's discovered Quora, and he likes being able to go on there answer questions for people. He details his trip to Fort Knox and his quest to find a decently-priced Internet cafe at the times that he wants one, which is "almost never".

Sun: That's right...Saturn never got a cell phone and won't pay for a data plan. I'll give him credit for being thrifty but these days the Internet cafe is in your pocket. What was the postmark?

Mercury: Seattle, sir. He was sitting in on some leadership training out there, or some such, for some big business meeting.

Sun: I see. Anything else of import?

Mercury: He said we should probably send someone to Orlando to help out. 

Sun: I've been mulling that one over, Mercury. I think I'm going to have to be the one to go. Florida is the Sunshine State and what they need is some warmth and light right now.

Mercury: Saturn did offer to go, sir. Or he sort of did.

Sun: Which is exactly why I'm going. It's not the place for Saturn; we don't need to remind anyone about the brevity of human life. They got an abject lesson in that this week. And Lady Moon is seriously fucked up right now and I can't blame her. The last place I want to go now is Orlando, but I have to go and see what I can do to help.

Mercury: I understand, sir. Can I help you out?

Sun: Yes. I'll need a halfway decent room for at least a week, maybe more. I'll leave instructions for Lady Moon; she'll be in charge once she comes out in my absence.

Mercury: Piece of cake, sir. Anything else?

Sun: Nothing. Was that it from Saturn?

Mercury: Of course not. Standard complaints about millennials, overpriced restaurants, hotel room beds, and John's lack of a blog since his blogging anniversary.

Sun: So the standard shit, then.

Mercury: Yes, that's about it, sir. 

Sun: Good. Take care of the travel arrangements quickly, please. I'll finish up a few odds and ends, and I've already asked Venus to help Lady Moon if she can. Mainly it's to keep Luna off social media for a while; seeing the stories just makes her more and more depressed. I need to go pack.

Mercury: Yes, sir. I'll have your arrangements within the hour.

Sun: Get a room for yourself, too. You're coming with me and be prepared: you're going to be talking to a lot of people.

Mercury: Yes, sir. I can be ready to go in an hour. 

Sun: Good. Dismissed. See you here in 60 minutes. 

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