Plutonian Essay: Why Change is Good, You Whiny Bitches!

Dear Whiny Bitches,

I don’t get the spotlight very much, and I think you humans like it that way. You don’t seem to like what I have to say, except maybe when it involves sex, but even then, you people act as if you’re afraid of me. I mean, that old bastard Saturn gets more joy on this blog than I do, and he’s more boring than nuclear waste. Why don’t you want to hear from me?

You know what lawyers say? Those crafty Mercurial fucks would tell you that you should never ask a question you don’t know the answer to. And I just did that. I know why you don’t want to hear from me. It’s because when I show up at your doorstep you may have to…shift. I’ll say that because you sheep hear the “C” word—and that’s “change” for all of you with your minds in the gutter!—and you just freak out.

Spoiler alert: Everything is temporary. Should I say it again? Everything is temporary, starting with your little life force and your miniscule amount of “influence” you think you have over the things around you.

Helen Keller might have been blind, but I respected that bitch because she called it like she saw it. My favorite quote of hers is “Security is an illusion.” And it totally is. Nothing is secure. And nothing lasts forever.

Now before you all go crying in your pumpkin spice whatevers and your White Claws about me, I’m not here to gloom and doom you. I’m being a realist.

If you embraced change and didn’t get so caught up in the moment you would realize that I’m taking things out of your life for a REASON. I didn’t say it wouldn’t hurt, and I didn’t say it wouldn’t require a sincere attitude adjustment, either. Those things could happen, and in your life, here’s a trigger warning: They. Will. Happen. Perhaps frequently. Definitely more often than you want.

Relationships evolve, sometimes out of existence. People get fired or leave jobs. And yes, those we love will die. But if life didn’t suck sometimes then you wouldn’t really get to enjoy the truly amazing parts.

I really am trying to help you out. I get carried away sometimes and use a little more nuclear than you’d care for, but I only nuke what you truly don’t need. And it’s up to me to tell you what you no longer need. Could I be nicer about it? Maybe. But it wouldn’t have the same impact, and while other astrological fucking planets with little dicks and even smaller brains would hurl insults about MY size, they don’t have the influence—the raw power—that I do.

So do us both a favor. Next time your favorite server gets a new job, or your favorite bar closes, or you have to put up with abuse from someone else, make sure my efforts weren’t in vain. Hang in there and deal with the change, and then make the best of it. Yes, you’ll have to do without your eye candy at the office when he makes a beeline for the company with free yoga classes, but in the whole scheme of things, it’s not a big deal.

Human beings are amazing and can pretty much get accustomed to anything. So get accustomed to change and then maybe you’ll be a little more friendly and welcoming when I show up. I know I’d appreciate being valued a lot more than I am right now.

Pluto

Leaving Occoquan: Moving Forward With Gratitude

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Wheel of Fortune from the Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot Deck

US Games Systems, Inc. 

As many of you know by now, Pin Curls Salon, my home for the past two years, is closing its doors next week. Stylist Lynda Lee has been an incredibly gracious host for offering me a place to serve my clients. As she will be moving into a shared space, I won’t be able to accompany her there. My last day reading cards at Pin Curls was today, August 24, 2019.

What this means is that for the first time in nearly 14 years, I won’t have an Occoquan home. This is a big change for me and for my practice, since I began my professional life there. While I’m a big “never say never” person, it seems likely that I won’t be reading in Occoquan in the foreseeable future. I met most of my clients for the the first time there, so I have a sentimental attachment to it. But as the Wheel of Fortune says, "Everything has a time and a season."

Like many changes, this is a mixed bag emotionally, but the first feeling I’ll acknowledge is gratitude. I’d like to thank all of you—clients, students, and mentees—for your patronage in Occoquan over these past 14 years. I’m incredibly grateful for having the opportunity to serve as a guide, teacher, and mentor.

I’ll take advantage of the opportunity by taking a few Saturdays off, and by using some of that time to work on my upcoming online tarot classes.

Many of you are likely wondering where I’ll be reading next. For the moment, I’m at Sticks & Stones in Fairfax every Tuesday from 5-7pm. I’ll also be reading there all day on Sunday, September 1, from 12-7. Readings are $50 there.

I’m also doing in-person readings at the NoVA Pagan Pride event on Saturday, September 28 at George Mason University in Fairfax. Readings there will also be $50.

If Fairfax is too far for you, I offer readings via Zoom, a videoconferencing program that is free to download and use. While not “in person”, it mimics the in-person experience by allowing you to see me and the cards and to have a conversation; it’s got full audio and video. I’ve been doing readings and astrology charts this way and the feedback I’ve received from clients is overwhelmingly positive.

Oh, and by the way, I can have up to 100 people on Zoom at one time, so if you want to schedule a virtual tarot party that everyone can come to regardless of location, let me know. I’ve done events like this and have had great success. Halloween is coming, good people!

Remember also that I can come to you. For most northern Virginia destinations I don’t charge a travel fee. Just drop me an email or text me at 703-829-3273 and we’ll set something up.

This may be the end of my time in Occoquan, but I look forward to serving you in the future. Thanks again for your past and continued patronage; I am sincerely grateful and look forward to seeing you again soon.