John: Mars, I can’t thank you enough for all of your time and your exceptionally, um, candid answers.
Mars: Sure, Mr. Flavorator. Got any more wings? I should be good after that…
John: [looks under table] I’ve got one more set left, Mars. Let me see…[picks it up] Barbeque ranch, I think? [hands it over]
Mars: Dude, you picked all my favorites today! How in the fuck did you do that? [opens container and begins eating a wing]
John: I always do research on anyone I’m going to interview, Mars, and those people I asked about you were very forthcoming.
Mars: Fuck yeah, dude! Well, let’s get it on! By the time people read this thing, I’ll be in Aries kickin’ ass and takin’ names!
John: There are those who call you a “dumb jock.” What do you say?
Mars: First of all, fuck them for sayin’ it that way. Thinkin’ is not my specialty, but what I do, I do it well. You want to fight? You don’t go to Jupiter, or the Old Man, or that pipsqueak Pluto. You come to me. When you’re up against it and your life is on the line, I’m your guy. If that makes me a dumb jock, well…at that point who needs a fuckin’ committee?
John: But for many people, their lives aren’t on the line and yet you still have a powerful influence over us. What do you say to those people who would say you’re a bully?
Mars: Get to know me before you judge me! I can help you more than you know.
John: How?
Mars: You have choices every day. You work with me, you get to know me, and I can show you how to handle conflict. Yeah, not every fight is one for your life, but you’d be surprised how often I turn up in places that you thought would be more…what’s the word I want, egghead?
John: “Civilized”, maybe?
Mars: [points at John and wing sauce flings onto John’s shirt] Dude, you got it in one! [looks at John’s shirt] Shit, dude, sorry about that.
John: [picks up hand wipe and rips it open] No worries, Mars. [dabs at shirt]
Mars: Anyway, conflict isn’t always about bashin’ in someone’s face. Sometimes people want you to think they’re nice and they act mean. When they are, you have to stick up for yourself. I can help you do that without getting physical if you understand how I work. And if it does get physical, well…then I can help you end the fight quickly, so you don’t get your ass kicked too bad.
John: What about what you were saying earlier about goals?
Mars: If you want something, I’m your guy. Venus can tell you what or who you want, but she can do that from her couch without lifting a finger. I’m the one who has to go get it, and I will if you want it badly enough. And when you’re getting laid, you can thank me…I’ll even wait for the fuckin’ gratitude until after you’re done!
John: That would probably be best. [closes iPad] Thanks for your time, Mars. You can take the rest of those with you. Anything else you want to leave us with?
No comments:
Post a Comment