M is for Mercury, Mastery, and...Masturbation

I know...the title probably got your attention today. Well, we will get down to masturbation in a moment. It will be better if it takes you longer to get there, so let's start with Mercury. I mean, come on, Mercury moves so fast you'll hardly notice.


A lot of you get a bad taste in your mouth with this planet because of the havoc it can wreak when it goes retrograde. Please understand how astrologically important Mercury is!


Mercury rules communication, commerce, active intelligence, and the realm of the mind, logic, and reason. It changes signs once every two to three weeks, and is never more than one sign away from the sun. What does that mean? It means that if you were born in Cancer sun, Mercury will either be in Gemini, Cancer, or Leo.


It rules two different signs: Gemini, who projects the energy of Mercury outward as the "radio broadcasters of the Zodiac", analyzing details constantly; and Virgo, who turns that energy inward for the improvement of the self and the desire to improve the world around them by synthesizing data into practical solutions.


Mercury's energy prompts us to question and fuels our need to know information. Its position in our birth chart shows how we best express ourselves and understand the world around us.


I won't go into detail here about Mercury retrograde, since I have plenty of other posts about that. With that said, did you know that with Mercury going into retrograde 3-4 times a year some folks can be born with Mercury retrograde? It may seem obvious but yes, some people are born with it going "backwards".


One of my astrology students asked me the question you are dying to know the answer to: "If you have Mercury retrograde in your chart, are you totally and completely FUCKED all the time?" Luckily, the answer is no. Mercury retrograde in your chart simply means you may have tons of ideas but your brain works more quickly than your mouth and that you have difficulty expressing them, among other things. And actually, for those of you in this situation, you get a cool bonus: Transiting Mercury retrogrades--the ones that occur 3-4 times a year--don't affect you as much because you're "used to it." It's like saying you can deal better with the humid summers in Washington, DC, because you grew up in Florida.


Mercury rules the following disciplines and occupations:

• All professions dealing with books, speaking, writing and education (the only exception is publishing, which is actually ruled by Jupiter (expansion of ideas!). See my "J" post for more.)
• Postal workers
• Administrative personnel--secretaries, assistants, program managers, etc. 
• Accountants
• Engineers
• Anyone in the travel business (airports, bus stations, etc.), including people who help get people to and from places locally, like bus, train, and trolley operators
• Anyone who facilitates communications--IT people are ruled by both Uranus (networks and high tech) and Mercury

In the "mastery" category, I found out Thursday that I have attained the rank of Certified Tarot Master with the Tarot Certification Board of America. To receive it, not only did I have to train a certain number of people to read tarot, but I also had to submit 17 articles and have them published. No, not here on this blog...I had to have an "approved tarot publication" put them out. In my case, all my articles appeared in the American Tarot Association's Quarterly Journal.


Anyway, I'm totally thrilled, humbled and honored to receive this title. It took more than two years of work to get here from my last level, Certified Tarot Consultant. Now, after another year or so I can apply for Certified Tarot Instructor. And then it's on to Certified Tarot Grand Master. That's the ultimate prize.


OK, on to masturbation. When you first learned about Father Irish, you should have KNOWN that in an all-boys high school, masturbation was a topic that was going to be listed prominently on the Alphabet of Sin. Well, it certainly was. 

Father Irish boomed, "M is for MASTURBATION...OF ALL TYPES, brothers!" 

If you thought the class was out of control and disrespectful before now, well...that was nothing compared to what happened next. We just lost it laughing. I couldn't hold it in anymore. Those of us who weren't laughing were cheering or clapping or some combination thereof. I can't imagine what the other teachers in the area must have thought was going on.

My classmates' intellectual curiosity was...well, aroused. I guess we felt our collective intellectual erections needed to be satisfied, so the questions began. "Hey, Fatha, how many types ah theya?" "How would you know anything about that, Fatha?" If he was talking about mental masturbation as one of the "types", this class definitely fit the bill. 

I mean, I know he was looking out for our immortal souls, not wanting us to spill our seed upon the ground and all that nonsense. But seriously...I hope no other teacher or administrator knew he was going to say this. One of his colleagues could have at least taken him aside and said, "Hey, Father...mind if we talk to you for a moment? That 'Alphabet of Sin' thing is pretty crazy, and while it's exactly what we're all about in many respects...I don't know that it's good to condemn 'bopping the bishop' in such a direct way, especially when you're supposed to be teaching MATH to adolescent boys. Just sayin'."

Sadly, we never did find out what those other types were. It remains a mystery to this day. Father Irish just went on with the rest of the alphabet. 

There you go. I hope that was as fun for you as it was for me. But don't read it again for a little while...you don't want to strain something. :)

Thanks so much for tuning in! Stop in on Monday for my "N" post.

D is for (Mercury) Direct, Divorce, and Demons

OK...so at 6:11am EDT, Mercury resumed its direct motion. It is finally out of retrograde! AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING! YAAAAAAAAAY! You'll need to be on your guard for the next week or so as Mercury returns to full speed--called the storm--but there is light at the end of the tunnel! This is good; for me personally, this Merc retrograde has been a total bitch kitty. I lost this blog once and had to re-type it, and while some of it is likely what I call the ID10T error, or a PEBCAK--problem exists between chair and keyboard--I'm sure Merc didn't help me. Hopefully things will ease over the next week.

Father Irish's next prouncement of the Alphabet of Sin: "D is for DIVORCE!" Again, not a surprise, but most of us were still laughing about condoms. [Please see my "B" post for the full backgroun on Father Irish. I do not in any way espouse his views; they are the opinions of a crusty old Jesuit math teaching priest, and they just got funnier toward the end.]

While it seems like an odd way to end things today, the subject of demons occasionally rears its ugly head--assuming demons have them, of course--into my life. I've heard of people fighting them and trapping them in soda bottles, talking to them, and wanting to conjure them. I've also heard that demons have thrown people down flights of stairs. We have a rule at 13 Magickal moons that says, "No, you cannot bring your demon here!" There's only a rule if we need one, folks...I'll pull a Forrest Gump and say, "And that's all I have to say about that!"

Metaphysically, I know there are spirits that do negative things, but personally, I don't believe in demons. I feel similarly about curses; likely your problem is not caused by one. The only difference is that curses are real. So please stop watching reruns of "Charmed", "Buffy", and "Angel" and come back to reality; we like you anyway, especially if you're a little weird, but demons...?

Tune in tomorrow for "E"! :)  

C is for Catholic and Condoms

In the realm of "things you might not expect from a Wiccan minister", I was raised Catholic. If you read my last post, you might have guessed it. I was Catholic from the day I was born until I left for college in the fall of 1989, and was baptized and confirmed.

While I haven't been a practicing Catholic for many, many years, I learned so much about spirituality and just plain faith from my Catholic upbringing, especially my mother. I have nothing but respect for the spiritual path, and have seen very few faiths with such devoted followers. 

Sadly, it appears that I'm not alone in having left the Catholic Church. According to a recent study by the Center for the Study of Church Management at Villanova's School of Business, one in ten Americans is an ex-Catholic. The article goes on to talk about why 300 former Catholics have left the faith; I found it very interesting overall.

Speaking personally, I left because it just wasn't for me. No spiritual path is bad; you just have to find the one that works for you. And it is my firm belief that no spiritual path is better than any other. 

As a high school senior at a Jesuit institution, I got into trouble once for expressing my views publicly. The first female Baptist bishop was ordained in Boston at the time, and the school newspaper took my picture for one of those "man on the street" articles and asked me what I thought. I decided I wasn't going to hold back. I said that it was fantastic that the Baptist Church was finally recognizing the role of women on the altar, and finished with, "And I think the Catholic Church should do the same."

I might have gotten away with just the first part, but the second part got me ostracized to a certain extent. I had several priests for teachers that year, and they didn't call on me or even look at me for a whole week at least. What surprised me, though, was that a few of the female faculty members--we didn't have any nuns so they were all lay faculty--took me aside to tell me how brave I was to say what I said. I didn't understand how significant it was. Let's be clear...I was the furthest thing from a rabble-rouser and had no intention of doing anything contrary to order and discipline. But I guess this was the right thing for me to say at the right time. 

Today, I'm a proud, passionate, out of the broom closet Witch, but I'm happy I had such a solid base of Catholic theology to work from. I still draw on it today sometimes when working with clients, and as an interfaith minister, I help people of all faiths, so that knowledge will never go to waste.

With all of that said, and with no intention to criticize Catholics or Catholicism, I do wonder about the future of the Catholic faith in the United States. "Cafeteria Catholic" is a term that many use in a derogatory way, but my opinion is that if you're getting what you need spiritually, what does it matter? 

With the amount of American Catholics who seem to disagree with Rome on so many vital issues, it wouldn't surprise me if American Catholics broke away from Rome eventually to create their own church to address many of the issues raised in the article above. If I had to list a few, they would be ordaining women; allowing male priests to marry; ordaining gay men and women; permitting male and female altar servers; encouraging the use of all forms of birth control; and promptly and effectively dealing with any allegations of sexual abuse while fully cooperating with law enforcement.

Honestly, I truly would hate to see such an amazing, powerful faith diminished even further. 

With Holy Week upon us, I wish all Catholics and other Christians a very blessed Easter. 

Oh...and before I forget...Father Irish's proclamation for "C" in the Alphabet of Sin was that "C is for CONDOMS!" No surprises here. [NOTE: See my "B" post for the full story on the Alphabet of Sin. As usual, none of the views of my crusty old algebra teacher are my own, and I saw his rant as more of a joke than anything else. And yes, it really did happen.]

Stay tuned for tomorrow's post with "D". :)

B is for Boston and Birth Control

OK, so I've got two topics in for today's blogging challenge. We'll start with the one that's undoubtedly less controversial, but I guess that depends entirely on who you ask. Sports fans may disagree. :)


I was born and raised in the suburbs around Boston, Massachusetts. Not many people know this about me...I've moved around so much since then and I haven't lived in MA for more than three months since I left home to go to college in August 1989. 


It's funny that a few people don't believe me when I tell them where I'm from. Those of you who know me in person have figured out that I don't have an accent anymore. I used to have one--a fairly thick one at that--but I shed it when I went away to school because a linguist can't really have a Boston accent, or any accent, except one of the language he's speaking or risk looking stupid. Those who have known me for a while know that I can use it whenever necessary to blend in. 


Anyway, I am a huge fan of many things Boston. I love the sports teams; I'm a lifelong New England Patriots and Boston Red Sox fan. My dad used to take me to Patriots games growing up--when they were only $10 to get in, if you can believe that--and at that time they truly SUCKED. Going to the games was always awesome but those 2-14 seasons were rough. It makes me appreciate these days a lot more because I know what it's like to be sitting at home watching the playoffs while your team does the same. As for the Red Sox, well...I didn't get to many of their games but I feel very connected to Fenway Pahk and the Green Monstah. And yeah, I love Dunkin' Donuts, too. I've even been to the first one EVAH. 


Here are a few Boston tibdits for you:


1) We don't call it "Beantown". 
2) We are famous for our role in the Revolutionary War. I've been to the Old North Church, you know..."one if by land and two if by sea". Incidentally, the Battle of Bunker Hill was actually fought on Breed's Hill. :)
3) There is only ONE kind of chowdah, and it's the white kind. There is no other chowdah. 
4) If you visit, go to the North End for fantastic Italian food and pastries, and to the Gahden if you want to see the Bruins or the Celtics. Good luck getting tickets, though. 
5) The inspiration for "Cheers" is a pub in Dorchester, a suburb near South Boston. A "Cheers" was constructed in the heart of downtown for tourists. No self-respecting Bostonian would ever be seen in there. 
6) If you fly in, don't look down...Logan Airport is built on an isthmus, an "island" connected by one strip of land to the coast. It reached its capacity years ago and has about 50% more flights coming in a day than it should. You have to fly over the water to get there and you won't see the runway until you're about 100 feet off the ground. You have been warned. 


I also went to high school in Boston. This brings me to the second part of my post. 


Before you continue, please understand that what comes next is a joke, something that really happened to me during high school. I do not in any way espouse the views to follow expressed by my former teacher. I hope to make that clear as we go on. 


Anyway, here's the background: In my junior year I had a math teacher who I'll call "Father Irish". He was a crusty, 70+ year old Jesuit priest who taught me Algebra 2. He was supposed to be teaching me math, but sometimes Father Irish decided he would educate us in other areas. His prayers before class were offered to "the Communists", "those who are mentally and physically ill" (he was annoyed with a classmate and looked directly at the young man as he said it one day!), and other groups who were not necessarily unfortunate as looked on as inferior. He also was not a fan of Italian kids...so I was far from his favorite. (My friend Luigi had it the worst, I think.)


One day after our prayer he decided to share with us his thoughts on sin; specifically, he had written a document he called "The Alphabet of Sin", and wanted to share it with us. Keep in mind that he's addressing 15- and 16-year-old boys; sadly, my high school had no women. When he started to speak, ahead of me in the row, a fellow classmate had an enormous pile of Doritos hidden under his book, and was receiving a two-liter bottle of soda from the guy in front of him. Father Irish had lost more than a step or two in his old age, but with this proclamation he had everyone's attention. 


While I didn't mention this in yesterday's post, he declared that, "A is for abortion and AIDS." I was stunned. He was really doing this! I knew the Catholic Church THOUGHT abortion was a sin, but I never believed it then, and I still don't. (As a man, my opinion on this issue is irrelevant, except to say that if my opinion mattered I am very staunchly pro-choice.) And the idea that AIDS was a sin? I thought...this is a disease that is killing people, and somehow it's a SIN? BULLSHIT. I was pretty upset, but at 15 in a Catholic high school, you shut up and keep your seat. 


"B is for BIRTH CONTROL!" he continued at a dull roar, and received a warm round of applause from the entire class. Birth control may have been the only control he knew about, because the laughter, catcalls, and jeers began, like, "What would you know about it, Fatha?" Despite feeling really uncomfortable, I started to laugh. I just hoped we all weren't going to get our collective asses kicked for being so disrespectful. It just became a complete joke. 


This is where the "alphabet" began, and he went through every letter "except for some like Q and Z". While I can't remember them all, as I go through this month, I'll be continuing the story...so keep returning to the blog for more pieces. 


One final word: Just so there's no misunderstanding, neither abortion nor AIDS is a sin for me; since "sin" is not a concept that I believe in, they can't be, anyway. And I'm a huge fan of birth control as well. So there! :)