Sun: Good morning, all! Welcome to our first meeting of 2025!
Venus: Good morning, sir!
Neptune: [SIGH]
Pluto: Chin up, Nep…we talked about this!
Neptune: I know, but [starts to cry]…I hate leaving my favorite sign for such a long time!
Pluto: Change is inevitable, Nep, even for us. And you’ve still got a little while before you’re out of Pisces. Then it’s Aries, a whole new world you haven’t seen in several hundred years. Evolution, baby!
Venus: He’s much more sensitive than you are, Pluto!
Moon: Quite true, Lady Venus. The idea of being in a sign for so long is a lot. I can’t even imagine!
Pluto: Been there, done that and I’ll agree. I went through it a number of years back when I left Scorpio, but I didn’t go all blubbering in a damn meeting.
Saturn: This is definitely not the time or place for it.
Sun: Neptune, I’m really sorry. Do you need to be excused?
Neptune: [dabs at eyes] No, sir. I think I can make it. [takes a pull from his flask]
[Pluto rolls his eyes]
Sun: Allrighty then. Lady Moon, remind me who’s out on retrograde leave right now.
Moon: At the moment, sir, we’ve got three planets out on business: Mars, Jupiter, and Uranus. Everyone else is here.
Mercury: I concur with Lady Moon’s assessment. Her information is correct.
Sun: Excellent. Thank you both for the update.
Pluto: With Mr. “If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter” out of the way for at least another month our meetings will be free of bawdy jokes, which is a little disappointing. Not much, but a little.
Venus: I’d agree with you, Pluto, but I still miss him from time to time.
Pluto: [scoffs] You’ll get over it.
Saturn: He’s not wrong, Lady Venus.
Venus: Come on, you two. I’ve been working on him about his…how to say this in a nice way…ummm…his oversharing during meetings. Cut him some slack, please!
Sun: That’s enough, Pluto. And you’re not helping either, Old Man. You both know better. Even though it’s only our first meeting of the year I’d like to make it through the entire agenda once without us falling apart like usual. [Saturn glowers] There are tons of transitions involving the outer planets this year, although one has already begun. Pluto, why don’t we start with you.
Pluto: I mean, no big secret, boss. I moved into Aquarius on November 20, and I’m still adjusting. Another long period under the Old Man’s influence, although Urnie being involved will certainly make it interesting.
Sun: I can imagine that’s true, Pluto. You’ll need some time to readjust to Aquarius, but you’ll get there. Neptune, I’d like you go next. I know it’s not easy…do you need us to table your update for next time?
Saturn: With all due respect, sir…
Pluto: Oh, here we go with Doug Downer!
Saturn: [shoots daggers at Pluto] As I was saying, sir, before the grossly inappropriate and downright egregious boundary violation, I think Nep should brief out what he has.
Sun: As insensitive as this may seem, Nep, I would like to hear from you today. You’re here and you say you’re OK, so…
Neptune: I guess, sir. I move into Aries on March 30 beginning my shift out of Pisces. As you can see, I’m a little overwhelmed by it. I was enjoying my long sojourn in Pisces more than I can ever say and I lost track of how late it was. But I’ll be ready.
Saturn: I’m also moving into Aries this year, sir, and no offense to Mars when I say it, but I am NOT looking forward to the next two and a half years in that sign. Just awful.
Sun: I get that, Saturn. It may well be a challenging time for both of you.
Saturn: I’ll hunker down and manage it, sir.
Sun: I expect nothing less of you, Old Man. [to the Moon] Urnie’s also changing signs, right?
Moon: Yes, sir. I’ll have him brief when he’s back.
Sun: Very good, Luna. What’s left?
Moon: For today, the only thing left is the upcoming Venus retrograde.
Sun: Oh yes! That’s a big one. Lady Venus, are you prepared to brief us today?
Venus: Well, I...I...
Moon: [holds up hand] Sir, as I think about it, we may need a larger meeting to focus on Venus’ upcoming trip.
Mercury: I didn’t see any documentation on your upcoming retrograde on the network, Venus. There was nothing in the shared folder. Are you sure you’re prepared?
Venus: [ignores Mercury and turns toward the Sun] To answer your question, sir, I am prepared to brief today but happy to wait.
Mercury: Sir, there’s been no reporting on this at all.
Venus: [blushing a little] Maybe I could use a little more time, sir, if it’s not too much trouble. [smiling]
Sun: OK, Venus. Done and done. Lady Moon, please take this item: Once I receive Venus’ written report in the shared file, we’ll put it on the agenda. I expect to see it no later than 2/28. Is that clear?
Moon: Crystal, sir.
Venus: Yes, sir. You'll have it by then.
Sun: Duly noted. In that case, that’s all for today. Are there any alibis? [pause] Hearing none, let’s adjourn. Thanks everyone! Let’s start this new year strong and have a great 2025.
Venus: [leans over and whispers to Mercury] I did not appreciate that, Mercury.
Mercury: [aloud] At least I don’t have to impress anyone. And the way to avoid the situation is simple: Just tell the damn truth and you won’t have to worry about what you said to people. [picks up his cell phone and walks off].
Venus: [puts hands on hips, mouth open] Well I never! [storms off]
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