Meeting of the Planetary Minds: Back to Business

Sun: Good morning, all! Welcome to our first meeting of 2025! 

Venus: Good morning, sir! 

Neptune: [SIGH] 

Pluto: Chin up, Nep…we talked about this! 

Neptune: I know, but [starts to cry]…I hate leaving my favorite sign for such a long time! 

Pluto: Change is inevitable, Nep, even for us. And you’ve still got a little while before you’re out of Pisces. Then it’s Aries, a whole new world you haven’t seen in several hundred years. Evolution, baby! 

Venus: He’s much more sensitive than you are, Pluto! 

Moon: Quite true, Lady Venus. The idea of being in a sign for so long is a lot. I can’t even imagine! 

Pluto: Been there, done that and I’ll agree. I went through it a number of years back when I left Scorpio, but I didn’t go all blubbering in a damn meeting. 

Saturn: This is definitely not the time or place for it. 

Sun: Neptune, I’m really sorry. Do you need to be excused? 

Neptune: [dabs at eyes] No, sir. I think I can make it. [takes a pull from his flask] 

[Pluto rolls his eyes] 

Sun: Allrighty then. Lady Moon, remind me who’s out on retrograde leave right now. 

Moon: At the moment, sir, we’ve got three planets out on business: Mars, Jupiter, and Uranus. Everyone else is here. 

Mercury: I concur with Lady Moon’s assessment. Her information is correct. 

Sun: Excellent. Thank you both for the update. 

Pluto: With Mr. “If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter” out of the way for at least another month our meetings will be free of bawdy jokes, which is a little disappointing. Not much, but a little. 

Venus: I’d agree with you, Pluto, but I still miss him from time to time. 

Pluto: [scoffs] You’ll get over it. 

Saturn: He’s not wrong, Lady Venus. 

Venus: Come on, you two. I’ve been working on him about his…how to say this in a nice way…ummm…his oversharing during meetings. Cut him some slack, please! 

Sun: That’s enough, Pluto. And you’re not helping either, Old Man. You both know better. Even though it’s only our first meeting of the year I’d like to make it through the entire agenda once without us falling apart like usual. [Saturn glowers] There are tons of transitions involving the outer planets this year, although one has already begun. Pluto, why don’t we start with you. 

Pluto: I mean, no big secret, boss. I moved into Aquarius on November 20, and I’m still adjusting. Another long period under the Old Man’s influence, although Urnie being involved will certainly make it interesting. 

Sun: I can imagine that’s true, Pluto. You’ll need some time to readjust to Aquarius, but you’ll get there. Neptune, I’d like you go next. I know it’s not easy…do you need us to table your update for next time? 

Saturn: With all due respect, sir… 

Pluto: Oh, here we go with Doug Downer! 

Saturn: [shoots daggers at Pluto] As I was saying, sir, before the grossly inappropriate and downright egregious boundary violation, I think Nep should brief out what he has. 

Sun: As insensitive as this may seem, Nep, I would like to hear from you today. You’re here and you say you’re OK, so… 

Neptune: I guess, sir. I move into Aries on March 30 beginning my shift out of Pisces. As you can see, I’m a little overwhelmed by it. I was enjoying my long sojourn in Pisces more than I can ever say and I lost track of how late it was. But I’ll be ready. 

Saturn: I’m also moving into Aries this year, sir, and no offense to Mars when I say it, but I am NOT looking forward to the next two and a half years in that sign. Just awful. 

Sun: I get that, Saturn. It may well be a challenging time for both of you. 

Saturn: I’ll hunker down and manage it, sir. 

Sun: I expect nothing less of you, Old Man. [to the Moon] Urnie’s also changing signs, right? 

Moon: Yes, sir. I’ll have him brief when he’s back. 

Sun: Very good, Luna. What’s left? 

Moon: For today, the only thing left is the upcoming Venus retrograde. 

Sun: Oh yes! That’s a big one. Lady Venus, are you prepared to brief us today? 

Venus: Well, I...I...

Moon: [holds up hand] Sir, as I think about it, we may need a larger meeting to focus on Venus’ upcoming trip. 

Mercury: I didn’t see any documentation on your upcoming retrograde on the network, Venus. There was nothing in the shared folder. Are you sure you’re prepared? 

Venus: [ignores Mercury and turns toward the Sun] To answer your question, sir, I am prepared to brief today but happy to wait. 

Mercury: Sir, there’s been no reporting on this at all. 

Venus: [blushing a little] Maybe I could use a little more time, sir, if it’s not too much trouble. [smiling] 

Sun: OK, Venus. Done and done. Lady Moon, please take this item: Once I receive Venus’ written report in the shared file, we’ll put it on the agenda. I expect to see it no later than 2/28. Is that clear? 

Moon: Crystal, sir. 

Venus: Yes, sir. You'll have it by then. 

Sun: Duly noted. In that case, that’s all for today. Are there any alibis? [pause] Hearing none, let’s adjourn. Thanks everyone! Let’s start this new year strong and have a great 2025. 

Venus: [leans over and whispers to Mercury] I did not appreciate that, Mercury. 

Mercury: [aloud] At least I don’t have to impress anyone. And the way to avoid the situation is simple: Just tell the damn truth and you won’t have to worry about what you said to people. [picks up his cell phone and walks off]. 

Venus: [puts hands on hips, mouth open] Well I never! [storms off]

Planetary Meeting via Zoom: Mars Retrograde

Sun: Good morning, everyone! It’s been a while so I figured we should all get together…via Zoom. A special thanks to Mercury for setting all this up so we could meet from home.

Mercury: My pleasure, sir. Saturn, can we see you please?

Saturn: [annoyed] I can see myself! Why can’t you see me?

Sun: We can see you, Saturn…but just the top of your head.

Saturn: [adjusts screen] Better?

Sun: Thanks, Saturn. [pause] Lady Moon, could you go over our agenda for us?

Moon: Certainly, sir. Today’s meeting is to talk about Mars’ upcoming retrograde, as well as Mercury’s, and the Great Conjunction in December.

Sun: Thanks, Lady Moon. Mars, are you packed?

Mars: Yeah, boss. I’m packed, generally. Not ready for this, but I’m packed. I leave next Wednesday.

Moon: I’m sorry, Mars. I know this is not the best time for you to have to go away.

Mars: Damn fucking right it isn’t. I mean, who the fuck scheduled for me to be in retrograde in Aries and during a PANDEMIC? That’s just cruel!

Venus: We understand, Mars.

Saturn: We all must do our duty, Mars. But you’ll go direct soon enough I expect. Bear it well.

Jupiter: [imitating Saturn] 'Bear it well!' Look how I inspire you! 

Saturn: Your feeble attempts at wit go unappreciated, you expansive cretin!

Jupiter: Ooooooh! Cretin! Hurt me some more, you dirty old man! YOU KNOW I LOVE IT!

Sun: I will happily mute you both. [pause] Mars, where are you planning to visit this time?

Mars: Not sure yet. Someplace that actually has shit open, so that means…pretty much anywhere except the US. Maybe Europe? They’re playing sports at least.

Neptune: Who would have thought that so many people would have embraced me in the last six months? I mean…if they’re not doing creative projects, they’re drinking! I never thought I could be this happy!

Sun: Neptune makes a point. People have started new workout routines indoors, Mars, so take comfort that some people are improving themselves.

Mars: Venus is in her glory! [looks at Venus] Yeah, some people are buying Peloton bikes, but do you know how many calories people are consuming these days as they sit on their damn couches?

Venus: You’re starting to get irritable. I can tell it’s almost that time of your cycle.

Mars: Oh, very cute, Venus, very fucking cute!

Venus: Seriously, though, I can’t blame people for wanting to not do anything and be comfortable, can I?

Uranus: And most of them are at least surfing the world online! It won’t burn calories, but…think of how much the world has been brought together. It’s one giant collective!

Mars: GIANT is the word, Urnie. People won’t walk afterward…they’ll fucking waddle!

Sun: Well, I hope you can try to embrace the positive as you take a walk around, Mars. You will turn direct on November 13 and be home before you know it.

Mars: I’ll try, boss, but I’ll be dealing with lots of very out of shape, pent up, horny people who can’t fucking deal. How the fuck do you handle THAT?

Saturn: Yes, even you can’t satisfy them all sexually, although I don’t put it past you to try.

Venus: [mouth drops open] That was really mean, Old Man! Well it would have been if Mars was more perceptive. 

Sun: Agreed! That’s beneath you, Saturn! Seriously, though…good listening skills would likely help you, Mars.

Mercury: His ability to be an active listener is somewhat limited, boss.

Mars: What did you say, Brainiac?

Mercury: [holds a hand up] Let me try…”Dude, sit your ass down and nod your head when people talk to you. Then look serious!”

Mars: Is THAT all it is? I can do THAT! Everyone makes it sound so hard!

Sun: [facepalm] Lady Moon, do you think we can table the other two agenda items for today? I’m suddenly feeling unwell.

Moon: Certainly, sir.

Sun: Any final remarks before we adjourn?

Jupiter: Good luck, Mars. You’ll need it.

Moon: We will keep you in our hearts, Mars.

Venus: Yes, we sure will. Hang in there and I’ll see you when you come back.

Neptune: Here’s some advice, Mars: Talk less. Smile more. Don’t let them know that you think that they’re all whores.

Pluto: Don’t die, Mars. I won’t miss you but other people might.

Sun: Let us know how you’re doing Mars. I look forward to hearing from you!

[Mars leaves the Zoom call]

Pluto: Heh. What a wimp.

Sun: You didn’t have any advice for Mars, Old Man? [pauses and looks at screen] Oh that’s right…I muted him earlier. [pauses] Shit…I should have muted myself. You can end the call now, Mercury.

Welcoming The Solstice...and a New Teammate!

The Centaur Chiron Instructing Achilles by Louis Jean

[at a local Brazilian steakhouse]

Sun: Welcome, everyone! I’m so glad you could join us for this Solstice celebration! And it’s a great day for me as I have the least amount of work to do. 

[dutiful laughter around the table]

Mars: Dude, where’s the meat? You promised!

Venus: [to Mars] Umm, manners?

Mars: Fine! [to the Sun] Sir, my bad, but I’m fuckin’ starving!

Sun: [chuckles] It’s OK, Mars. I’m hungry, too. [pause] I just wanted to take a moment to recognize all of your hard work this year. Thank you very much. 

Moon: Agreed. The meal tonight comes from this year’s swearing fund, with the vast majority coming from our potty-mouthed leader. 

Sun: [shocked] LUNA! Really?

[genuine laughter from everyone]

Moon: Yes, sir. Really. [to all] So please eat your fill and enjoy!

Jupiter: And the drinks are on you, right, Nep?

Neptune: Well, I was hoping someone else would pay, but I wouldn't say no to an adult beverage or seven.

Jupiter: [laughs] What else is new?

Sun: That’s an excellent question, Jupiter. Speaking of new things, I have one other important announcement to make. 

Mercury: Sir, does it have anything to do with the empty chair over here?

Sun: Very astute of you, Mercury, as usual. Indeed it does. I’ve asked a special guest to join us tonight. 

[Chiron walks through the door and sits down]

Sun: Everyone, this is Chiron. We’ve been hearing about him for the past few years and I've asked him to join our team. 

Moon: Please be sure to give him a warm welcome!

Sun: He’s been getting a lot more play in the astrological world even though he’s fairly new to it. I don’t want to steal his thunder, though. [gestures to Chiron] Would you like to say a few words?

Chiron: Thank you, sir. [pause] I’m grateful for your invitation to this amazing event and appreciate you welcoming me to your celebration. I’m hoping to contribute an outsider’s perspective on the team and make even more efficient and effective. 

[heads nodding in approval]

Saturn: Sir, I welcome our new teammate with all sincerity, but I’m surprised that we weren’t consulted, at least as a courtesy. 

Sun: I understand, Saturn, and I take full responsibility for this leadership decision.

Jupiter: Come on, Old Man! Expansion can be a good thing!

Saturn: That remains to be seen, and I’m skeptical by nature. 

Venus: I’m very pleased to meet you, Chiron, and look forward to getting to know you!

[Chiron nods]

Sun: You will have plenty to talk about over dinner, I’m sure. [looks up at the doorway] And I see the unending parade of meat I promised will now begin!

Mars: FUCK YEAH! Time for the MEAT SWEATS!

Pluto: Oh fuck me. [to Neptune] Which way is the bar?

Neptune: Out in the main area near the salad bar, I think. 

Pluto: Good. Let’s get to it. [aloud over the ambient noise in the room] Sir, are we on our own at the bar tonight?

Sun: Sadly, yes, Pluto. 

Pluto: [to Neptune] Fuck. We’ll have to go to plan B. 

Neptune: What is plan B?

Pluto: This is. [opens his hand and shows Saturn’s American Express card]

Neptune: [mouth agape] Dude, I don’t know how you did that, and I didn't think anyone actually uses American Express anymore. 

Pluto: Why? Do you care? Because I don't. 

Neptune: Well, sort of...it seems kind of selfish to make Saturn pay…maybe we can pay him back when we get our yearly bonuses or something?

Pluto: [hesitates] Uhhhh, sure, Nep. I’ll definitely talk to him about it when he gets his bill.

Meeting of the Astrological Minds: The Winter Solstice Party

Sun: Good afternoon, everyone! I hope everyone is enjoying the season so far?

Venus: Yes, sir! Definitely.

Sun: Glad to hear it! Gentlemen? What about you?

Saturn: Joy to the world is not really my cup of tea, sir. But once the solstice comes and my power is renewed I’m sure I’ll be more...

Jupiter: Don’t say ‘Jovial’, Old Man. We all know that isn’t you!

Saturn: I think you’re safe, Jupiter. That’s not a word that passes my lips.  Let’s go with ‘content’. If Mercury was here, I’m sure he would do a better job finding le mot juste.

Mars: Come on, you ancient fuck! Mercury is bad enough!

Sun: Mars, come now...

Saturn: [to Mars] Young man, you can disparage...wait just one moment, Mars. [to everyone] Mercury has been teaching me some language to better communicate with my colleagues for quite some time now. 

Venus: Oh, Saturn, that’s incredibly harmonious of you!

Saturn: Well, it’s mainly to reinforce the idea that even “old dogs” can learn new tricks. So let me try this. [Clears throat] 
[To Mars] DUDE GET OFF MY JOCK!  

Mars: I GET IT, YOU OLD BASTARD! [laughing]

Saturn: It seems my lessons are paying off. Excellent. 

Venus: [mouth dropping open] I’m...pleased that you’re learning to get along better with everyone, Saturn. [To Mars] Perhaps you could do the same, Mars? Since all you do is “win win win no matter what?”

Mars: [pauses] Ummmmm, yeah, Venus...about that...

Saturn: [to Sun] Sorry to have derailed you, sir. Let’s get back to our agenda.

Sun: Thank you! So you’ve had time to think about our yearly solstice party. What ideas do you have? And keep in mind the front office will be paying for most of it; our swearing fundraiser was exceptionally successful. 

Uranus: We’ve gotta shake things up, sir. How about one of those indoor skydiving places?

Mars: Dude, I’m so down!

Sun: I’m sorry, gentlemen, but one of the few stipulations for funding the event is that it does NOT require a waiver.

Mars: Fuck me. So there goes paintball and most of the fun shit. Another party that will be BOOOOOOOOORRRRRING!

Pluto: Good try, no-nads. 

Mars: How about an all you can eat shrimp buffet? Oh wait, that would be like cannibalism for you, Pluto!

Venus: [kicks Mars] How about we consider other options that all of us might enjoy?

Moon: I’m a fan of what we have been doing, but as long as we’re all in the same place, I’ll be happy with whatever. 

Neptune: I kind of agree with Lady Moon. I want something inspiring, though.

Jupiter: I don’t know that I’ve been to an inspiring holiday party before, but I think it’s something to shoot for.

Sun: I had an idea. Maybe we could get a private room at one of those Brazilian steakhouses? The food is good and we can just relax and not worry about the cleanup or someone having to clean their homes to accommodate all of us.

Moon: I like that suggestion, sir. Do you think they can accommodate all of us? 

Sun: Well there are only 10 of us, Lady Moon. They absolutely should be able to handle 10. 

Moon: We should probably make sure we have a little more room, in case we need the extra space. 

Sun: [looks confused and then brightens] Ah yes, that’s true. You never know what we might need extra room for.

Venus: Absolutely! Dancing maybe?

Sun: You never know! Mars, they will bring you non-stop meat on skewers!

Mars: America fuck yeah! I’m IN!

Moon: Does anyone have an objection?

[shaking heads around the table]

Sun: Well, it sounds like we have a winner. [to Lady Moon] Please make the reservations. [winks]

Moon: Yes, sir. I’ll take care of it immediately. Shall I see if the solstice itself is available?

Venus: That would be lovely, sir.

Saturn: Yes, sir. I agree. We can put Saturn back in Saturnalia where it belongs! 

Sun: Saturn’s comments notwithstanding, done and done. 

Neptune: And they have a bar, so...

Pluto: That’s where I’ll be.

Shutdown Press Conference from the Sun

[The Sun stands behind a podium, with the Moon, Mercury, Venus and Mars to his left, and Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto to his right.]

Sun: Good evening, everyone. I come before you with a matter of the utmost importance. Specifically, I'd like to address the people of the United States affected by the government shutdown.

Please know that whether you are a furloughed government employee or working without pay, a contractor, a small business owner, or a private citizen impacted by this terrible event, know that you matter to me! 

To the hardworking employees of the United States Government, I know many of you will not receive checks today. This is an incredibly frustrating, demoralizing, and nerve-wracking time for you, and all of us here share your pain. 

As your chief astrological executive, I pledge that I will put every effort into helping you cope with current conditions. Right now, every astrological planet is direct--in itself a rare event!--and in a position to help you. I have asked Jupiter and Saturn, who are not present today, and I have directed them to work on this problem until the situation is resolved. Let me assure you of their seriousness and diligence.

Finally, as a gesture of goodwill, none of us will receive a paycheck until this crisis is resolved. Lady Moon, would you please...

Moon: Yes, sir. I'd be happy to. [Moves to the front of podium] Many of you are embracing me right now, as I am who you go to in times of crisis. Please accept my sympathies and wishes for a speedy resolution forward. Do not close yourself in your homes worrying if you can help it, and please make sure you are taking care of yourselves, especially by resting. Mercury...I believe you're next?

Mercury: [moves to front] Yes, ma'am. As chief information officer please keep abreast of what's going on out there. Things can happen quickly. Hopefully, this thing can end even more quickly than it began. Also, I know this can be a very nervous time for many. Deal with the facts as you have them in front of you as much as is possible. Speculation about what might happen will erode your mental health slowly but surely. Venus, I think you're up?

Venus: [Moves to front] Thanks, Merc. As the planet of money and cooperation, I can't express my disappointment deeply enough. The very idea that some people are considered "non-essential" makes me incredibly sad, because everyone is always essential! The fact that not only do you not have money to meet basic needs, or are losing money indirectly, is infuriating. This has happened because people won't compromise! Sadly, you will have to put some of what you want on the back burner for now until this thing is resolved, and for that, I cry with you.  Hold your loved ones a little tighter, please, and try not to sell anything in these hard times that you're going to regret losing later. Again, I'm so sorry. Know that you are loved and appreciated for more than just what you are able to buy and do. Mars...you're up. 

Mars: [shoves Merc out of the way and faces the Sun] Boss, we're not getting paid? When did this shit happen?

Mercury: An email sent two days ago at 3:45pm entitled, "Suspension of Salaries due to Financial Crisis", Mars. I'm guessing you didn't read it? I know you were on the TO line. 

Mars: Well now I'm REALLY fuckin' pissed! And I know you are too! But hear me out: GO DO SOMETHING. Get your ass off the couch and make something happen. Use that anger to get some shit done, especially if you're not going to work or have some more free time. And if you've got time, you've got time for sex, right? Damn right you do! Take what you can get, especially 'cause sex is free, amirite? [leers at Venus] Who's next?

Uranus: [Steps forward, carefully avoiding Mars] This whole thing has thrown a monkey wrench into your financial life and into your plans! I just was in Taurus but moved back into Aries not long ago. I should be back in Taurus in six weeks, but I hope the shutdown doesn't last that long. When it comes to your finances, think outside the box! You may have more than you know. And use social media to help deal with your feelings and to make ends meet whenever possible. Look for online deals and specials if you're in need, and share those that you find. Nep?

Neptune: [stumbles toward the podium] I know getting drunk sounds like a really good idea right now, but if you can find an escape that's a little healthier than that, you won't regret it as much later. And if you've got some extra time--GET CREATIVE! Write, draw, paint, craft, whatever. Put some of that energy into creating something beautiful. Thanks...where's Pluto?

[All look around and Pluto is nowhere to be found]

Sun: I apologize that a member of my staff seems to have...stepped away...

Mars: I smell an ass kicking! I mean what the fuck dude? Little shrimpie couldn't take the heat? TOLD YOU!

Sun: [grimaces slightly] Mars, please...I'm sure there's an explanation. [faces front]. In short, good people, please don't get down on yourselves. We're here to serve you as best we can and hope the situation gets resolved soon. If we have any news we'll send it along. 

For now, please hang in there!

Astrology by Tara's Solar Eclipse Forecast, Part 2

February 15, 2018

1551, Washington, DC

The Sun and Moon will be at 27 Aquarius, which is conjunct the point of the south node during the Eclipse sets of August 2017. Solar eclipses represent the beginnings of new cycles, and during this solar eclipse we are essentially on the flip side of last August’s eclipses.

All of these astronomical, astrological, and religious celebrations are tied to the Sun and its movement. The Sun represents where we are physically in calendar time, and astrologically the Sun represents who we are on a spiritual level. This is why astrologers always compare the natal chart with current planetary movements known as transits. We are a combination of our natal imprint (birth chart) and our own evolution (transits).

When the solar eclipse is exact, Mercury, Venus and Neptune in the 8th house join the Sun and Moon. Having the planets of self (Sun), soul (Moon), communication (Mercury), love (Venus) and the higher mind (Neptune) all in the 8th house reveals a lot. The 8th house represents deep motivations; transformations; release; temptations; spirituality; shared matters; financial matters; sex; death; and support we receive from others. With four personal planets in this house, it’s easy to see that this is where the focus is: A deep self-quest.

Now is the time to make some uncomfortable choices, whether you want to or not, to maintain your ability to grow into the person you are destined to become. With the north node in the 1st house, you must make yourself a priority now.

Neptune in the 8th house says that there is a possibility for you to not be entirely real with yourself; you may dilute the reality of the situation in order to save yourself from personal pain. Ask yourself, would you rather rip off the Band-Aid quickly or torture yourself? That’s what’s being asked of you now. What do you need to do to effect the greatest change on your personal life and spiritual, financial, and sexual interactions with others? It may seem difficult to disentangle yourself, but difficult situations call for inner strength. This solar eclipse is saying the time is NOW.

With Aquarius on the cusp of the 8th house, Saturn rules the house by classical traditions and Uranus by modern traditions. Aquarius is the sign of large groups, friendships, science and causes. Aquarius does not conform to anyone’s standards.

With Saturn in Capricorn in the 6th house of health and daily tasks, and Uranus on the MC in the 10t house, this says to me that much of this transformation can involve : your health, your daily tasks , your social groups or your career / job; the areas of your life where you share time and space with nonfamily members.

This solar eclipse energy should carry us through late July when the next lunar eclipse occurs. Change is definitely on the horizon, my friends, so check your natal charts and look for your transits. If any of your natal planets are close to the nodes or the moon or sun during this solar eclipse you may experience more change that you were expecting.
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Thanks for tuning in, Sky Watchers! See you next time!

Blessings,

Tara

Astrology by Tara's Solar Eclipse Forecast, Part 1

February 15, 2018
1551, Washington, DC

Greetings, Sky Watchers!

Welcome back for another eclipse discussion. I discussed the super blue Moon lunar eclipse on January 31st in my last article. Today we will be focusing on the solar eclipse of the New Aquarius Moon on February 15th. Eclipses come in sets: lunar and solar, and usually within two weeks from each other.

Lunar eclipses occur during full Moons when the earth‘s shadow is cast on the Moon, and they represent our hidden selves and our emotions. Solar eclipses occur when the Moon crosses between the earth and Sun, at an exact angle creating darkness that covers the Sun. Solar eclipses represent our vitality and new energy being offered for changes to come.

It’s no coincidence that our ancestors and many people today celebrate religious rites around the time around February 1st / 2nd, as we are a quarter of the way through the cycle of light. The Winter Solstice marks the darkest day of the year, The Summer Solstice offers us the most light, and both the spring and fall equinoxes represent the balance between darkness and light.

Eclipses are very rare events. Our ancestor’s treated eclipses as portents of great change and they used astrology to help them navigate through the changing energy.

When the solar eclipse is at its zenith, the zodiac sign of Leo will be on the ascendant of the eclipse chart. Leo is the sign of the Sun and ruling the chart of this Eclipse, adding more power to the Sun in this instance.

As astrologers, we also look at the placement of the planets and angles to calculate the dominate element and modality of the chart. This is called the charts signature and sub-signature. Both the signature and sub-signatures of the eclipse chart are fixed Fire, which is Leo. Again the emphasis is on the sign Leo and the Sun.

With Leo on the ascendant, and the north node in the first house of Leo, this highlights our direction forward. The Moon’s north node is where we find our soul’s path and with the north node in the first house we are being asked to focus on ourselves and find our inner truth. The Moon’s south node is the other half of the nodal axis, and it represents what we have already done and what we can release. The south node is in the seventh house of personal relationships. Almost immediately we can see what this solar eclipse energy is offering us: More of self and less from others.
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2018 Forecast from Neptune

Hello everyone! I know you haven't heard a lot from me recently...I'm always off trying to connect with everyone and everything. And I'm not exactly sober most of the time. That doesn't mean I'm a total lush or anything, but I do like my alcohol and perhaps other escapes. 

In any case, John asked me to take a few moments to connect with all of you about what I'm planning to do next year. Like Pluto, I don't go too far in a year, since I'm retrograde a lot of the time. But to be honest, I'm totally cool with that. I mean, I can like come into a particular area of your chart, then duck out of it for a bit until I'm ready to come in for realzies. 

Of course, I'm still in Pisces, my most favored sign, for a number of years to come. But I start off the year at 11 Pisces 54 and I'll make my way to 16 Pisces 30 on June 19 as I hit my retrograde station. 

If you've got something at 16 Pisces, you may feel some uh, well, some...intense emotion and other things depending on what happens to be there. While I'm not great at giving advice if your birthday is in late February or early March I'd be watching me very closely because your Sun is somewhere around 16 Pisces. Then I start moving backward through the sign. 

By November 26--close to Thanksgiving--I'll be back to 13 Pisces 42 at my direct station. So expect me to sit there and churn things up, making it difficult to see anything that's near 13 Pisces. This not only includes planets, good people, but midpoints, nodes, and other important chart locations, like your Ascendant and Midheaven. 

I'll end the year at 14 Pisces 05. So yeah...not far at all. I'll move under 3 degrees total for the whole year. That means if you've got any planet or point between 11 Pisces and 16 Pisces, please know that my transcendental presence will affect you this year. The effect will depend on the planet, and frankly, I'm not sober enough to speak about the rest of them. I'm just glad to be a part of the team. But you can bet that whatever planet or point I'm near you're going to have trouble seeing clearly. I am the Great Deceiver, you know!

Special note: If you are around 42 years old, remember that I square--make a 90-degree angle to--your natal Neptune position. At that time, you may find yourself sort of wandering spiritually, or totally unambitious, wanting to daydream or sleep instead of going to work, not that I even know what work is anyway. 

When I squared John's natal Neptune position about five years ago, you can see what happened: He went back to Nantes for the first time in 21 years. Jen sent him there alone...you can go back and read the very spiritual sounding blogs he wrote about his earlier experiences there as well as his visit. His friends at his old school called it a pilgrimage, and that's pretty much what it was. 

Anyway, if you're pushing 42 you'll want to know when this is going to happen and prepare for it. I'd suggest buying tissues, sleep aids and/or more caffeinated beverages, and lots of booze. If you're not sure, ask an astrologer...they're much more precise about me than I can be for myself. John's a really nice guy and if you ask him he should be able to tell you what's up with me if you want...but I'm not a high-pressure guy. Whatever. 

Believe,

Neptune 

Reporting from SOTA 2017

Sun: Good evening, everyone! I've called this meeting to get a report on the State of the Art (SOTA) Conference for 2017.

Moon: Sir, no one has had time to send in written documentation, so we'll have to go with verbal only reports. [Frowns] I'm guessing people had...other matters to attend to?

Sun: I'm sure you're right, Lady Moon. Verbal reports it is. Pluto, can we start with you?

Pluto: Well, there was a lot of lumping me in with the Hippie and Sir Breaks-A-Lot over there...

Saturn: Your astrological role is somewhat constricted, Pluto, due to your very long cycle. And you scare people. 

Pluto: You've got no right to say anything, saggy ass! People spend half their lives worrying about what you'll do next.

Neptune: It's OK, Pluto...we're all trying to inspire people. Saturn has to do it in his own way. And what does it matter if you're with Urnie and I?

Pluto: That's where you're wrong, you lying sack of shit! And I'm stunned you're actually HERE on time. Where's your mind right now? 

Saturn: Pluto, there's no need to cast aspersions. I was disappointed that Jessica Lanyadoo wasn't able to come, but Ellen Bourn definitely had the right idea about me. 

Uranus: It was an astrology conference. I was having a fantastic time. Donna van Toen once again captured my essence, as usual. And there was an excellent social media presence for the conference as well.

Neptune: Creativity was everywhere! Inspiration! And alcohol!

Sun: Uranus and Neptune, I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves. 

Uranus: MJ Patterson's presentation on genius in the astrological chart was also a big hit. She's not one of mine, but still...

Sun: She's one of mine, Urnie, and she's earned that honor. Great leader, too, if I may say so. Definitely on the rise. 

Moon: The latest information I have, sir, is that people felt comfortable together and really connected. 

Sun: That's important, Lady Moon. Mercury?

Mercury: That Gary Caton REALLY gets me. He totally seems to understand what I'm all about. Lots and lots of astrological communication all weekend. The air was filled with it!

Mars: I bet it pissed other people off to have all these weird people speaking in tongues. I mean, I'm all for passion but dude these people don't quit. I can barely get it, even when they're talking about me! At least most of the other people around were there for HOCKEY!

Saturn: They weren't talking about you much, Mars. When was the last time you heard someone talk about a Mars return?

Sun: People do talk about their Mars return, Saturn. And I doubt they dread it like many people do yours. And that's not a disparaging comment...it's just a fact.

Venus: Old Man, you do your job too well sometimes. 

Saturn: Perhaps, Lady Venus. Perhaps. But although I am reluctant to say it, I heard no one disparage me. 

Sun: You're very important, Saturn. All of you are. When is the conference over?

Mercury: Tomorrow are the post-conference sessions, sir, so many people went home today. 

Mars: What about our boy?

Saturn: By "our boy", Mars, you really mean my boy, John, right?

Mars: Earth to Mr. Geritol...you can remember all kinds of stupid shit but I'm his almuten, remember?

Sun: As weird as it is to say this, point taken, Mars. Merc?

Mercury: As I understand it, he presented today and the feedback we have is that it went well. Nothing on paper...we only have verbal reporting.

Saturn: [SIGH] Once again, he does that ridiculous thing with cards instead of spending his time doing astrology lectures. When will that boy learn?

Neptune: His work is divinely inspired, Saturn. Give the man time to blossom!

Mars: Yeah, dude. Where the fuck are you going? You got plenty of time! And did you see John in the gym? I was fucking thrilled he was there! Good on him!

Venus: John met a number of new people and renewed some friendships. He had a wonderful time, sir. 

Sun: Any word on his return home, Mercury?

Mercury: The latest I have is that he has an early morning tomorrow to drive home. He shouldn't face any challenging weather. 

Jupiter: You've said THAT before, Mr. Intel.

Mercury: I have a fantastic track record, Jupiter, and unlike you, I have real data, not propaganda. But sometimes information is incorrect. Nobody's perfect.

Moon: I know John misses his home and family, sir, so it's good that he's heading out tomorrow. I know he'll be a little sad to say goodbye to his friends, but hopefully he'll see them next year. 

Sun: Thanks, everyone. Any alibis?

[Mercury's phone goes off]

Sun: Mercury...what have I said about your phone? For the planet of memory I'm very surprised.

Mars: Maybe it's one of his bitches!

[Venus kicks Mars]

Mars: OW! Bitch that hurt!

Mercury: [shuts phone off] Sorry, sir. It won't happen again.

Saturn: [SIGH]

Sun: I think we're done here, folks. Thank you as always.

Saturn Returns [and Flounces], Part 2

Sun: Good morning, everyone! Lady Moon, do we have everyone back?

Moon: Unfortunately, no, sir. We've still got Urnie out and...

Mars: And the SHRIMP is out too!

[The Sun frowns. Venus kicks Mars hard in the leg]

Mars: [yells] OW! Bitch that was my calf!

Moon: [chuckles] Mars is also correct, sir. Pluto is out as well.

Sun: Mars, I've spoken to you about asking to be recognized.

Mars: Sometimes I've got shit to SAY!

[Sun puts hands in prayer position]

Saturn: Mars, none of us want to be here, so don't make it more painful. And in my humble opinion, you've done more than enough recently. 

Mars: I paid to fix your fucking door, Depression Man! So we're even!

Sun: Gentlemen, that issue has been resolved.

Saturn: That's debatable, sir, but I'm willing to move forward at this time. 

Moon: If I may, I'd like to share the eclipse report.

Sun: Please proceed, Lady Moon.

Moon: The past few weeks have shown a tremendous amount of upheaval in many areas. Our favorite blogger is spreading his wings at a regional psychic expo.

Neptune: I LOVE those things! So many neat vendors and intuitive readings. He'll have a great time. 

Jupiter: And he's teaching two classes, Nep. He enjoys that so much. 

Saturn: We'll see if he makes the money back that he spent to go there. I'm going with no. 

Mercury: No disrespect intended, Saturn, but you seem even more negative than usual. And that's saying something.

Saturn: I did a lot of thinking while I was away, Mercury...

Mars: Oh shit! That's never a win!

Saturn: As I stated earlier, Mars, you have done ENOUGH!

Sun: Saturn, if you can't play well with others, then you may excuse yourself. But we have an agenda here and I won't let you waste everyone's time with your poor attitude. 

Saturn: [gets up] Brilliant idea, sir. I think I will do just that. The lack of respect in this room is suffocating me. 

Sun: There will be consequences, Saturn.

Saturn: I'm prepared to accept them, sir. [walks out]

Sun: Lady Moon, please be sure the record is shown to reflect Saturn's departure. And please schedule some additional time with him on my calendar for next week.

Moon: [grimaces] Yes, sir.

Sun: So let's return to our sheep, as the French say. How are we dealing with the eclipse fallout, folks?

Mars: We've got lots of angry people, sir. I just hope they know to take it out on gym equipment, but for the time being, I'm not hearing about it. Mostly they're trying to hang in there.

Sun: Thank you, Mars. Mercury...once again, your departure caused a lot of problems. What are you doing to set things right again?

Mercury: Everything I can, sir. Now that I'm pretty much back up to full speed, I'm working on lots of different paperwork matters...people applying for jobs and the like. 

Sun: Thanks, Merc. Jupiter?

Jupiter: It's been a challenge, sir. There's been a lot of prayer and meditation with the amazing and scary weather plaguing the United States. I was also hoping to bring something up to the Old Man, but he flounced. 

Sun: I'll mention it to him, Jupiter. What is it?

Jupiter: Our favorite blogger has another test this week, sir, and I was hoping to get Saturn's support because it's a management exam. 

Sun: Another one? I thought the last one was it. 

Jupiter: No...apparently this is the last one.

Mars: He's going to kick its ASS, sir! All I do is win win win no matter what...

Mercury: He's been preparing, sir. It's an interview and a presentation, so Jupiter and I will definitely get together before the exam, which is on Wednesday afternoon.

Sun: I'll speak to Saturn before then, but Mars, be prepared to give him your help as well. I'm in Virgo so it's a great time for this type of work. I know he will appreciate all of your assistance, folks. Lady Moon, how is he doing emotionally?

Moon: John's a little nervous, but he's holding it together. 

Sun: Hmmm. Perhaps you could speak with him? I know you don't normally intervene directly...

Moon: [smiles] I'd be honored to speak with him, sir. It's been a turbulent time emotionally for him and for many others after our last eclipse, sir. And you're correct...normally I'm present but more passive.

Sun: I'd appreciate it, Lady Moon. Does anyone have any alibis?

Mars: What the fuck do I need one fore? I'm HERE, aren't I?

[Sun places palms over his eyes]

Moon: We're adjourned, everyone. Venus, if you don't have any plans, I need you for a bit. [cuts eyes to Sun]

Venus: Yes, ma'am. [gets up]

Mars: This whole place is FUCKED! At least the NFL is back!