Misfortune Teller: The Five of Wands

In the minor arcana, there are quite a number of cards that you don't want to see come up, and four of them are fives. They all suck in their own particular way. 

However, the five of Wands sucks the least of the group so we'll start with the best for a change.

On the RWS Five of Wands, five people are going after each other with sticks. I coached middle school lacrosse for a while, and I can tell you that you never know what's going to happen when you give people sticks and let them have at it. This is especially true if they're boys going into puberty, by the way, in case you were wondering. :)

When you get this five, you can expect that there's going to be competition of some kind. I've seen it in all realms, but here are a few examples:

• Being romantically interested in a person who has a lot of people vying for their heart, or you have a number of "suitors" yourself
• Trying to get more resources in the workplace--money, people, prestige, etc. 
• Applying for jobs--I've received this card for many people as they go out and look for work. The competition is very stiff these days with the economy like it is. You have to go in prepared to fight for a job.
• Having many different things compete for your attention, time or money--These are the 5 small bills you're trying to pay, the children calling your name constantly, or the people who keep trying to interrupt you during PTA meetings. On the flip side, you might be one of a few people trying to get the attention of your boss, your best friend, or someone else in your life. 

Some things in life you have to fight for, but the Five of Wands doesn't discriminate, so don't be afraid to walk out of the competition. 

This particular five is more of an annoyance more than anything else. You have these days when nothing seems to go exactly right, and you go from one small frustration to the next. You wake up 10 minutes late, spill coffee on yourself, realize you have to stop on your way to the office to get gas, and end up five minutes late for an important meeting. Usually, this Five is nothing horrific, but a series of small annoyances that can really piss you off if you let it.
I also often see "generalized chaos" in this card, usually marked by poor communication when everyone is trying to talk and no one is listening, or when groups all want to go in different directions. Head High Priestess Samantha Harvey will often tell students to "focus, people!" whenever they start to get off track, and that's a good message for anyone who receives the Five of Wand Another way of saying it is "herding cats"...you may have to bring people's attention back to the here and now. 

When I lived overseas, they told us "expect one annoying thing to happen per day." I thought that was a great rule and it helped me be more understanding when I was trying to go off to "war" instead of "the train station" for example. When this card shows up, no, things are not going to go smoothly, and likely there will be some generalized fuckery and chaos along the way. So prepare to be annoyed.

In the case of human interactions, I often see this card come up as "opinions are like assholes and everybody's got one." So people may be bringing you their unsolicited opinions on whatever happens to be important to you. It's up to you to stop that by (nicely) explaining to them that they can keep their opinions to themselves, or at least where you can't hear them.

One other example I can use is that of an email exchange. A Five of Wands email would be you sending out an email to two people for their opinion. One replies to you and copies five other people, and then everyone starts giving their opinion. Eventually, chaos ensues as people reply to each other and it becomes one big circle of fuckery that you eventually decide to leave, sorry that you had even asked.

Luckily, for those competing as I mentioned above, usually everyone is staying friendly, civil, and cordial during the fight, but people being who they are I expect people to be fighting hard, even if you're not as invested in what they want to fight about as they are.

To deal best with this card, take a step back and re-focus your efforts, especially your time and energy. Prioritize and act swiftly to the extent that you can, and shut down arguments that are meaningless.

Misfortune Teller: Random Meanderings

• When someone sits down for a tarot reading, what they are essentially saying is, "I trust you to tell me what the universe has in store for me." So if you decide to give someone a reading, your job is to tell them what you see--honestly, directly, and with compassion--to the best of your ability. 

• No matter what you see, you take no responsibility for the future; it's dynamic and it can change. Nor should you take the credit or blame for your client's reaction to what you say.

• When I started reading professionally, I was worried sometimes after I read for people. I wondered if I said the right thing, or if I said too little or too much. A very wise woman told me, "Johnnie, if you said it, you said it, and if you didn't, you didn't."

• If you ask me about a reading I did for you, it's very likely I'm not going to remember it. Since that information doesn't belong to me, I use what I call my mental "delete key" once your reading is over. Also, some days I do more than 15 readings, so even if I wanted to keep them all straight, I couldn't. I never write down readings except for those I do for myself, and I don't share those with anyone.

• I have seen physical death in the cards twice in nearly 23 years. I'll talk more about that in my upcoming post on the Death card. 

• Just because someone doesn't have a lot of tarot reading experience does not mean you shouldn't respect what they have to tell you. And if they use a book as they read for you, please be patient. We all have to start someplace! I read with a book for my first 13 years as a reader, and I consult books frequently--we used to call it "studying"--to keep growing in my practice. 

•  A tarot reading belongs to the client, and it is private. If you had a reading and you would like to share what you were told, that's up to you, but don't bug anyone to tell you about a reading they had. If someone decides to tell you about a tarot reading they had, pay attention to them; they've just given you a big compliment by sharing it with you. Be worthy of it by not sharing it with anyone else.

• Don't ever pressure anyone to have a reading. Ever. 

I want to take a moment to thank my spiritual community, the Tradition of the Witches Circle, and all of my faithful clients. I am blessed to have each and every one of you, and I am humbled and honored to serve. May the blessings of the Lord and Lady be upon all of you! 

Misfortune Teller: The Tower

The Tower

Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot Deck

US Games Systems, Inc. 

No tarot cards evoke "shock and awe" like the Tower. Overall, it can go either positive or negative for me, but it's the WAY that the Tower says the events will happen that scares many clients.

Some of the meanings for the Tower for me include:

• Any shocking or unexpected event that upsets the status quo
• A revelation that seems unreal or incredible
• A huge reality slap
• Someone getting taken down a peg--"How the mighty have fallen" or "the bigger they are, the harder they fall"

Whatever it turns out to be, the Tower's appearance means that it will something that shakes us to our very foundations. I like to think of the card as "The Great Equalizer" because every single person goes through events such as this in life.

I have two examples, both of them times when I was receiving a reading instead of giving them for a change. Some years ago, my wife Jen Wells did a card reading for me about my job. I was working for a company that was doing well and had recently expanded, opening an office in England and hiring a whole bunch of new people. She pulled the Tower and called it right on: "Layoffs." I couldn't believe it. Everything was going fantastically...at least, that's what I thought, until the first of three rounds of layoffs came. It was a bloodbath. I didn't lose my job, but I lost 1/3 of my staff and as such my position as a manager was no longer needed. I was lucky enough to go back to my old job; I had only been in management for six months anyway, but the whole thing was still very unexpected.

The second time was many years after the first. I had an acquaintance do a reading for me for the next week, and the Tower came up. I must admit that while I was cavalier about the first reading and didn't believe it, this one I took a little too seriously. I came home that night and started wondering what might be going on. Should I take the car in to be looked at? Was there a problem in my checking account? I started freaking out a little bit. Jen finally got tired of it and said, "There is a surprise birthday party for you tomorrow!!" Whoops. It would have truly been a shock since I was totally unaware. Surprising a Scorp is hard enough, and she had succeeded. So I could understand her being angry about it.

One other possible meaning that has been coming up a lot in my practice lately is one I call "Chicken Little Syndrome". It's what happened in the second example above. Sometimes we're so afraid that the world is going to screw us over that we're seeing the potential for it to happen at any second, and then when it does it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I will often tell clients "You have a tremendous sense of the awful." And to an extent, as human beings we all do. We want to see the worst. But the Tower doesn't necessarily represent something bad. Think about the couple who is told they will likely never conceive, and then they do. Or the boss that you hate gets canned out of the blue and all of his employees are given the raises they were denied. Or you fall in love with someone you didn't expect when you are still moping from your last breakup.

Make sure that anyone you read for knows that they are in for a turbulent time. Use the cards around it to figure out what may happen and how things will end up, but don't you dare pull punches with the Tower; your client needs to hear the message.

Misfortune Teller: The Moon

"The Moon"

Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot

US Games Systems, Inc.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." That sentence from Shakespeare should be going your mind whenever you draw this major arcana card. 

I'm not going to say there's nothing good about this card, but I'll say there's very little to like when you turn this one over, folks, and the watchword for it is BEWARE. Nothing here is as it seems.

Some of the standard meanings for this card for me include:

• Deception and self-deception (including "wishful thinking")
• Confusion
• Bewilderment and/or illusion
• Uncertainty and doubt
• "Spin" of any kind
• CAVEAT EMPTOR [Let the buyer beware!]

Some of us are good at lying to others. While I'm not one of those--I truly SUCK at falsehoods!--I'll bet I'm as good as anyone else in lying to myself. That's where we as human beings truly excel. When the Moon comes up, it's imperative to take a hard, honest look at a situation and start asking questions.Whatever the Moon's light hits should be called into question. 

The Moon can often alert us to a potentially dangerous situation. You know exactly what I mean. You're in a new relationship and you're on your best behavior and your date starts going off on his/her ex. You do your best to be polite and listen, but as you do so you hear some things that make you want to run in the other direction. Your gut is agreeing, and you find yourself making excuses why you can't go out again. Or you go in to sign what was supposed to be a sweet job contract, only the salary isn't as high as they said it would be and the percentage of time you will be traveling is much higher than what you discussed. 

I had a boss who epitomizes the Moon for me, a real scumbag whose didn't care what anyone's agenda was except his own. He asked me to lie for him to customers, which I hated. He held me to a standard that was totally unreachable, but he didn't tell me what that was, either. When you had a conversation with him, you had to be careful because he was an excellent wordsmith; try to hold him to a promise and inevitably he would say, "Well, that's not exactly what we discussed." When I transferred out of his department after a year or so, he continued to expect me to perform duties that weren't a part of my job description anymore. It took my new boss to instruct him to re-assign those duties to one of his own people. I think you get the idea. 

The Moon represents the entire idea of spinning any event or story to show what you wanted it to rather than the actual facts. We used to joke in the software industry that when problems with the software were reported--"bugs"--they were actually "unintended features". Any euphemism falls into this category, those words we use to soften the blow. Ever notice how the term "problem" has disappeared in favor of the term "issue"? I HATE that word because it's spinning something to be better than it is.

If a situation is confusing, the Moon will often appear. At that point, take everything that you see or hear with a grain of salt. It might not be what's really going on. You know sometimes how you hear noises at night and they sound like someone may be in your home when there's no one there? That's one of the few good points of the Moon: When something looks better than it was at first glance. But the opposite could just as equally be true when you "ding" your car door and brush it off, only to realize that it's going to need some body work when you look at it in the light of day the next morning.

One other example: When this card comes up in love, there is a lot that you don't know about that person you're with, OR you've decided to settle for this person and not see their flaws. Either way, it's a problem. What about that guy you met online who neglected to mention that he's in prison, married, or in serious financial difficulty?

With this card, nothing is as it seems. So blindly rush ahead at your own peril. Make sure that you're telling any client this as well if you're reading for others. You might not know exactly what's wrong, but there is definitely something off. This one may be easier for you to tell people about, simply because you can say, "Something in this situation doesn't feel right to me."

The Moon can also represent Pisces or Neptune-ruled people. It won't surprise you to know that Neptune is known as "The Great Deceiver". 

Misfortune Teller: The Devil

Hello everyone...today we're going to look at one of the worst of the major arcana of the tarot to draw, and one that has almost no positive meanings: The Devil. 

The Devil

Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot

US Games Systems, Inc. 

 

This is truly a card no one wants to see. Some of the possible meanings include:

• Deliberate (chosen) ignorance or xenophobia
• Anything we are chained to by choice that hurts us, including:
• Crappy job
• Any person--romantic or otherwise--who takes advantage of us in any way
• Addiction
• Negative patterns in our lives that we refuse to acknowledge 

Here a few examples of what I'm talking about. This is the controlling, abusive boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. This is the boss who never leaves the office and has no life, and expects the same from you. This is the person who is intolerant of people of other races, creeds, religions, or sexual preferences, simply because those people are different from him or her. This is your best friend who "crashes" with you for a few weeks after she leaves her boyfriend, but she also quits her job...and then stays with you rent-free without offering to help with the household expenses. 

 

We all know people like this; the Devil doesn't play favorites. And sometimes the Devil is ourselves, when we don't rise to the occasion and allow our "animal" natures--notice the bottom half of the Devil is furry--to control our lives. 

In a reading, it can often come up in a central location as an obstacle to be overcome. But no matter what form it takes, it's essential for you to understand that the client's choices made this situation. 

 

As gently as you can, it's important for you to tell a client that their choices can also set them free. The chains around the necks of the two people on the card are big enough so they may be easily removed, but it must be a deliberate CHOICE to remove them. 

 

This is a challenging card to receive, but it can be even more difficult if you're the reader. And when something like this comes up, especially if your client is your best friend in a new relationship, you're not going to want to tell that person, "So...looks like this new guy is a major asshole." But you can't leave it alone, either; when you pick up those cards, you tell the truth, or you put them down. 

 

So how do you handle it? Be direct and compassionate. That's the best way to deal with it. Remember how you would feel if you were sitting in that chair. But don't you dare sugarcoat it. 

 

The one positive meaning for me for this card is an astrological one: I often see Capricorn people with this card appearing.   

The Misfortune Teller: An Introduction

Hello everyone! Recently I did a presentation for the DC Tarot Society entitled "Misfortune in the Tarot". It is about the importance of giving bad news with the cards when it shows up, and how to do so in a way that is honest yet compassionate. Since the lecture went well, I figured I'd give it a try here on Mondays for a while and see how you like it.

So this post is an introduction to that concept. Over time, I intend to post different cards up here and talk about their negative meanings and how they might come up in a reading. For today, however, this short post will only give you a taste of what is to come.

I believe wholeheartedly in the following statement:

If you don't want the truth, don't ask the tarot for the answer. 

I never, ever pressure anyone to get a reading, whether they're a paying client or a personal friend. The reason is simple: The tarot is remarkably even-handed about giving both good and bad news, and the client may not be ready to hear the message.

My point as a reader is only to give the message. That's it. I'm not there to judge the client, nor do I expect them to follow my guidance or counsel if I give any. All I'm doing is trying to help the client see what they might not otherwise, and honestly, that doesn't have anything to do with me personally. I'm just the messenger and I try not to get in the way of the message by allowing my own biases to take hold.

But when bad news comes, it is ESSENTIAL for you to tell the person you're reading for what you saw. Don't spin it to seem better than it is. Just tell them the truth.

One other important point for new readers is to know your limitations. If someone wants a reading about their health, for example, and that's not a topic you know much about, politely decline.

Finally, if you do have bad news, and the client wants to stop, then do what they say and put the cards away. They may not be ready to hear the message. So be compassionate enough to let them off the hook easily. Under no circumstances should you be using the tarot to give a message you're too afraid to deliver directly.

I think that's it for now. Thanks for tuning in! We'll have more misfortune next Monday. :)