Farewell to Donna van Toen

Donna van Toen (1949-2018)
Astrologer, teacher, mentor, and friend

Scorpio is a sign that understands and appreciates topics that others do not, especially those that people would consider "taboo". 

Take death, for example. We understand all too well that nothing is permanent, that everything changes, and that in many ways, everything is temporary. That includes our short human lives on this planet. 

If that sounds like a morbid way to go through life, well...it is what it is. It's how we're wired. 

For this reason, many Scorpio people do well in careers that deal with death, either as doctors, researchers, forensic pathologists, detectives, embalmers, psychiatrists, counselors, ministers, doulas, and funeral home directors. 

It's easier to help others through the grieving process than it is to go through it yourself. Even when death is "expected", it still hits hard. When you think you have it all under control, something comes up and pushes on that bruise, and you realize you're not done with grief.

Donna van Toen lost her battle with cancer less than a week ago. The world has lost a wonderful person, astrologer, teacher, friend, trivia and gemstone aficionado, conference organizer, and mentor.

Nearly five years ago, a mutual friend introduced us. She told me that Donna ran an astrology conference called State of the Art (SOTA) and that she was always looking for new talent. Donna gave me a chance to speak at "Open Forum", an unpaid time slot during the conference where we "tried out" for future opportunities at SOTA. I had never spoken at a conference before. Turns out my speaking time was on my birthday in 2014.

Donna found out it was my birthday and bought me a drink in the bar to celebrate after my talk. Then she turned to me and gave me a serious look. "Where's your sun?" she asked.

At the time, I was a newbie astrologer and didn't even KNOW where my sun was, so I grabbed for my phone, looked at my chart, and answered, "1 Scorpio 37."

A smile broke clean across her face. "We're going to be best buds!" she declared over the din, and we drank together, the first of several times we would in the future. At the time I wasn't sure exactly what she was talking about, but I took her word for it. [I found out later her Venus in Pisces has a connection to my Sun.]

Donna took a chance on me that day, and it paid off for us both. I presented on tarot every year after that and met a ton of amazing astrologers and friends at SOTA. It's a conference that I've always enjoyed and looked forward to.

She was always there for me when I had a question about a chart or something else astrological. She provided advice and counsel so often and I appreciated her candor. Donna was not one to sugarcoat anything, a quality that I sincerely appreciated. 

She recommended the Midwest School of Astrology for my studies, and I recently graduated from the school, studying with Donna during her weekend seminars in Cincinnati. I remember her asking me why I had driven all the way from Virginia to see her, because, "You already know everything I'm going to teach." I just gave her a puzzled look; there's always something new that you can learn from someone with her level of expertise and experience. 

More recently, I was thrilled when she agreed to take me on as a private student. Lessons with Donna were incredibly enlightening and in some ways very challenging. You had to leave your ego at the door. No one likes to be told they're wrong, but Donna was more concerned that I learn the right way and she corrected me at every opportunity. I remember wondering after one or two of those lessons if I'd figure "this astrology shit" out. I never blamed Donna for my own ignorance, but I will say at least she was nice about it, wielding her many years of experience firmly, but gently, as I grew into the astrologer I have become.

Those sessions with her profoundly influenced my astrology practice and still do to this day. I miss my sessions with her, and I hope that SOTA will continue next year. Even if SOTA goes on, it won't be the same without her. And I have been thrilled to see so many others honoring her on social media; even though she would probably bristle at the accolades, she deserves them nonetheless. 

Goodbye, dear mentor. Know that you had a profound positive effect on me that will benefit my clients for many years to come. I promise to help others selflessly as you helped me to repay your incredible generosity and kindness.

Venus Retrograde and Preparing for SOTA 2018

Good morning, everyone, as the hustle and bustle for my trip to Buffalo has begun in earnest! I told Jen earlier this week that it's like "astrology camp" for me and I look forward to it every year!

This will be my 4th year speaking at SOTA, the State of the Art Astrology Conference in Cheektowaga, NY. I'll present "Telling Time with Tarot" on Saturday afternoon, and hope that I'll get a number of folks to show up to hear it. I've also heard that SOTA is having a record attendance year, with many of the extra lectures and lunches already sold out. This is fantastic news...SOTA is my favorite conference and I really enjoy the atmosphere and the people immensely.

Speaking of things we enjoy, the planet Venus rules them on an astrological level, and right now you may be reconsidering anything Venus-ruled. But I wanted to bring something else to your attention that my beloved Jen mentioned about Venus retrograde. 

She said that when I originally started talking about the effects of Venus retro, she thought that she might be drawn to thinking about these Venus-ruled topics like relationships in a passive way. You sit down for a cup of coffee, for example, and you consider whether or not relationships are serving you.

Her theory is that during this time, Venus-ruled topics are brought to the forefront, that you are actively challenged to deal with them between now and November 16. I wholeheartedly agree; this process has definitely been more "in your face", and that makes sense since Venus retrograde is more like Mars than her usual self. 

Anyway, just a quick note to say hello and hope your fall and your Venus retrograde is going swimmingly. If you have any Venus retrograde stories to share, please let me know!

For those of you coming to SOTA, I'm leaving tomorrow morning and I look forward to seeing you Wednesday afternoon. 

#sota2018

Tarot Tuesday: SOTA 2017 Feedback and SOTA 2018

So a number of you have asked me how the presentation at SOTA 2017 went back in October. At the time I felt it had gone pretty well overall, but no matter good you feel at the time, you always wait until you hear back from the organizer and see how the evaluations came back. 

The feedback was especially important to me this year because I did a lecture at a lunch, and I hadn’t ever really done a lecture structured this way. What’s more is that people paid extra to attend this lecture, and I was thrilled that I sold out, but disappointed that not everyone who wanted to see me could do so. 

The total time for the lunch lecture is 1 hour and 15 minutes, but I was told that the lunch, which was catered, would arrive at some point in the first 20 minutes. I asked about the room structure and there were two tables of 6-7 people each, so I knew that a traditional lecture style wouldn’t work this time.  

What I came up with was an activity that lasted about 45 minutes. Lunch arrived promptly and I allowed 30 minutes for participants to eat and get to know one another. Once people were finished eating, each table was one group and I gave each group a tarot card for brainstorming. Then I asked the groups to come up with movies that would represent the card they had, since the presentation was on learning the tarot through pop culture. I gave the groups about 15 minutes to come up with movies. 

The two cards that I gave out were the Empress and the Emperor, and the participants came up with some fantastic ideas that fit into the archetypes of the cards. We went over the answers and had some great discussion about other films that might fit the cards as well. Everyone seemed to have a good time and walk away with some knowledge, and that to me is what counts.  

I’m thrilled to report that I’ve been asked back to speak at SOTA 2018! The feedback was excellent, and people were really happy and asked for more time with me. So I’ll have an hour-long slot in the main conference next fall, and my topic will be “Telling Time with Tarot.” 

The even better news came along last week. Traditionally, speakers at SOTA prefer to talk on astrology and not on other metaphysical topics, and I can understand that. The conference is an astrology conference, after all, and is branching out into other areas. The conference organizer, Donna Van Toen, said that she’d like to give me a two-hour slot in 2019 if there’s enough interest. Please understand that normally those slots are reserved for astrology speakers, so it’s an incredible honor that I’m even being considered for it. 

I mention this because a number of you are interested in astrology as well as other metaphysical topics. Even though SOTA 2018 isn’t until next October, I’d like you to consider joining us if you have an interest. The conference speakers are fantastic, and what’s more...it’s a small conference where you can interact with the speakers. I’ve had drinks and meals with many of them, and I always come home having learned a ton.  

Finally, if you do come to SOTA and decide to drop in on “Telling Time with Tarot”, it will reinforce the need for additional metaphysical topics in the conference, which will only benefit the attendees. I’ve had a number of students attend and we always have a good time. If you play your cards right, I might even organize a night trip to Niagara Falls, less than 30 minutes from the hotel. In short, if you want more information, please ask. You can also check out the SOTA Web site for all the details. 

Thanks to all of you for your support. I’m blessed to have a loyal following among my clients and students. 

Reporting from SOTA 2017

Sun: Good evening, everyone! I've called this meeting to get a report on the State of the Art (SOTA) Conference for 2017.

Moon: Sir, no one has had time to send in written documentation, so we'll have to go with verbal only reports. [Frowns] I'm guessing people had...other matters to attend to?

Sun: I'm sure you're right, Lady Moon. Verbal reports it is. Pluto, can we start with you?

Pluto: Well, there was a lot of lumping me in with the Hippie and Sir Breaks-A-Lot over there...

Saturn: Your astrological role is somewhat constricted, Pluto, due to your very long cycle. And you scare people. 

Pluto: You've got no right to say anything, saggy ass! People spend half their lives worrying about what you'll do next.

Neptune: It's OK, Pluto...we're all trying to inspire people. Saturn has to do it in his own way. And what does it matter if you're with Urnie and I?

Pluto: That's where you're wrong, you lying sack of shit! And I'm stunned you're actually HERE on time. Where's your mind right now? 

Saturn: Pluto, there's no need to cast aspersions. I was disappointed that Jessica Lanyadoo wasn't able to come, but Ellen Bourn definitely had the right idea about me. 

Uranus: It was an astrology conference. I was having a fantastic time. Donna van Toen once again captured my essence, as usual. And there was an excellent social media presence for the conference as well.

Neptune: Creativity was everywhere! Inspiration! And alcohol!

Sun: Uranus and Neptune, I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves. 

Uranus: MJ Patterson's presentation on genius in the astrological chart was also a big hit. She's not one of mine, but still...

Sun: She's one of mine, Urnie, and she's earned that honor. Great leader, too, if I may say so. Definitely on the rise. 

Moon: The latest information I have, sir, is that people felt comfortable together and really connected. 

Sun: That's important, Lady Moon. Mercury?

Mercury: That Gary Caton REALLY gets me. He totally seems to understand what I'm all about. Lots and lots of astrological communication all weekend. The air was filled with it!

Mars: I bet it pissed other people off to have all these weird people speaking in tongues. I mean, I'm all for passion but dude these people don't quit. I can barely get it, even when they're talking about me! At least most of the other people around were there for HOCKEY!

Saturn: They weren't talking about you much, Mars. When was the last time you heard someone talk about a Mars return?

Sun: People do talk about their Mars return, Saturn. And I doubt they dread it like many people do yours. And that's not a disparaging comment...it's just a fact.

Venus: Old Man, you do your job too well sometimes. 

Saturn: Perhaps, Lady Venus. Perhaps. But although I am reluctant to say it, I heard no one disparage me. 

Sun: You're very important, Saturn. All of you are. When is the conference over?

Mercury: Tomorrow are the post-conference sessions, sir, so many people went home today. 

Mars: What about our boy?

Saturn: By "our boy", Mars, you really mean my boy, John, right?

Mars: Earth to Mr. Geritol...you can remember all kinds of stupid shit but I'm his almuten, remember?

Sun: As weird as it is to say this, point taken, Mars. Merc?

Mercury: As I understand it, he presented today and the feedback we have is that it went well. Nothing on paper...we only have verbal reporting.

Saturn: [SIGH] Once again, he does that ridiculous thing with cards instead of spending his time doing astrology lectures. When will that boy learn?

Neptune: His work is divinely inspired, Saturn. Give the man time to blossom!

Mars: Yeah, dude. Where the fuck are you going? You got plenty of time! And did you see John in the gym? I was fucking thrilled he was there! Good on him!

Venus: John met a number of new people and renewed some friendships. He had a wonderful time, sir. 

Sun: Any word on his return home, Mercury?

Mercury: The latest I have is that he has an early morning tomorrow to drive home. He shouldn't face any challenging weather. 

Jupiter: You've said THAT before, Mr. Intel.

Mercury: I have a fantastic track record, Jupiter, and unlike you, I have real data, not propaganda. But sometimes information is incorrect. Nobody's perfect.

Moon: I know John misses his home and family, sir, so it's good that he's heading out tomorrow. I know he'll be a little sad to say goodbye to his friends, but hopefully he'll see them next year. 

Sun: Thanks, everyone. Any alibis?

[Mercury's phone goes off]

Sun: Mercury...what have I said about your phone? For the planet of memory I'm very surprised.

Mars: Maybe it's one of his bitches!

[Venus kicks Mars]

Mars: OW! Bitch that hurt!

Mercury: [shuts phone off] Sorry, sir. It won't happen again.

Saturn: [SIGH]

Sun: I think we're done here, folks. Thank you as always.

Jupiter, Uranus, and the State of the Art (SOTA) Conference

Uranus: [whispering] Now I'm the one who has to do this crap? I thought the outer planets got left alone!

Jupiter: [whispering back] Urnie, just shut up and let's get this over with!

Uranus: Hello, everyone! I'm here under duress, and I rebel against this useless marketing ploy!

Jupiter: HA HA! What my generational friend would like to say is that he's thrilled and proud to be here as we talk about John's upcoming appearance at the State of the Art (SOTA) astrology conference next month and why you should come join us.

Uranus: Wait...you never said it was called "State of the Art"! That's me to a "T"! You know...cutting edge! New age shit!

Jupiter: Well, what did you think SOTA stood for?

Uranus: I thought it was a carbonated drink we were promoting!

Jupiter: Oh for fuck's sake! No, dude, we're promoting an astrology conference! You know, the one John's speaking at next month in Buffalo!

Uranus: Oh yeah! Well, that makes me a lot more excited. But I thought we should change the format up a little bit; we've been doing things the same way around here for too long.

Jupiter: Urnie, I understand your impulses and all, but my job is marketing and publishing. John has his own style that we probably shouldn't mess with.

Uranus: It's too late! How about we do a Talk Like a Pirate Day theme? "Yarrrr, shiver me timbers, and raise all the sails as we make way for Buffalo across the cold, hungry ocean! Move it, ye landlubbers or you're headin' to Davy Jone's locker! Yarrrrrr!"

Jupiter: As I recall that's a lake, not the ocean. 

Uranus: Fine. How about something a little more formal then? "Esteemed astrologers from all over the eastern United States and Canada will be joining John in cosmopolitan Buffalo as they discuss the most riveting metaphysical topics of the day!"

Jupiter: Dude, John's going to be so pissed...

Uranus: No? John should like the Boston-accented version then! "In late Octobah while the Sox ah winnin' the pennant, if you don't have tickets to Fenway Pahk you oughta get to Logan and fly outta theyah to Buffalo! And the Bills SUCK! In Belichick We Trust!"

Jupiter: It's sort of mid-October, Uranus. The 19th through the 23rd. We want people to know so they'll sign up, so make sure to give them the link. Are you even listening to me anymore?

Uranus: Nope...because I've got the perfect one!

Jupiter: Oh shit. Do I even want to know?

Uranus: The Old Man!

Jupiter: [smiling] OK, now this one I can get behind.

Uranus: Turn on the music! [Pomp and Circumstance playing in the background; slow and steady news anchor delivery] "Metaphysics is, and always will be, a Saturnian subject. Are you giving enough time to your astrology, tarot, or other metaphysical studies? Let's not fool ourselves; I'm sure you're not. I entreat you respectfully to consecrate four days to Jessica Lanyadoo's or Ellen Bourn's study of yours truly. There may be some other less important topics on offer, but unless you attend, you will not understand the dignity and majesty of astrology. Miss it, and you will be depressed. Mark my words well, on behalf of the seven planets that we once were and hopefully will be again."

Jupiter: [laughing hard] DUDE THAT WAS AWESOME! And who's that Lanyadoo lady? And Ellen Bourn?

Uranus: Jessica and Ellen are both giving presentations on Saturn. Personally, I'm planning to pop in for Donna van Toen's lectures on yours truly.

Jupiter: Wow. Well, it looks like our work here is done!

Uranus: Wait! What's John doing?

Jupiter: Some lunch lecture on Sunday. 

Uranus: Don't care. It's LIBERATION TIME! Exit...stage left! [runs off]

Jupiter: That bastard really does break everything he touches. 

First-Time Attendee Discount for the State of the Art (SOTA) Conference in October!

Jupiter: Hello everyone! John's asked us to come do his dirty work again. At least this time they paired me with the King of Misinformation himself, Mercury! We're here to talk about the State of the Art Astrology Conference, October 19-23, 2017, in Buffalo, NY. 

Mercury: Jove, don't think I didn't notice that mistake you made. 

Jupiter: Which was...?

Mercury: King of "Mis-Information"? I think what you meant was "Chief Information Officer of the Zodiac."

Jupiter: Dude, you just got back from retrograde, which was a total cluster fuck, and you want to get all high and mighty? And Saturn is supposed to be the title king. What do you care?

Mercury: As we've stated many times, Jupiter, I don't "care." I just don't want the public to be misinformed.

Jupiter: Whatever. John sent us out here to let people know about SOTA. 

Mercury: Yes, so let me give the people information before you tell them how much they can learn. Sound good?

Jupiter: [SIGH] Sure, Doctor Propaganda. Go for it!

Mercury: You should talk. [PAUSE] Anyway, good people, if you haven't come to the SOTA Astrology Conference, it's a fantastic way to get lots of information in a short time on many astrological and other metaphysical topics. All aspects of astrology, as well as mediumship, tarot, and other divination topics have all made their appearance in years past.

Jupiter: That's right, Mr. Just-The-Facts-Ma'am! Lots and lots of higher learning going on. And our favorite blogger...[to Mercury] do we have to say that? I mean, IS he our favorite blogger? What does that even mean?

Mercury: What my philosophical pillock of a partner is trying particularly poorly to profess is that our favorite blogger, John, has been presenting for the past few years at this conference, and the 2017 meeting is no exception!  He'll be speaking on learning the tarot through pop culture. 

Jupiter: I'm still not convinced he's my favorite blogger, but let's put that aside for now. 

Mercury: If you've never attended SOTA before, ladies and gentlemen, this is the year to give it a shot. We've been authorized to offer first-time attendees a discount! 

Jupiter: That's a great philosophy for bringing new folks into what's already a fantastic event, Merc. 

Mercury: The details about this offer are that if you are a first-time SOTA attendee and register by May 31, by check, your full conference registration will cost only $100. 

Jupiter: Damn, that's cheap! 

Mercury: It is less than the standard conference registration, Jupiter, and while it doesn't include any extras like lunches, it does include all of the general sessions of the three-day event.

Jupiter: [frowns] You're taking all the joy out of this for me, man. Haven't you ever heard of "marketing," Merc? 

Mercury: Not at the expense of facts, Jove. So let me finish, and then you can wax rhapsodic about it. [PAUSE] Anyway, if you're at all interested, here's how to proceed: Send your check for $100 by May 31 to:

Full Circle Seminars

35 Brock St., Suite #1405

Hamilton, ON, L8L 4L7

Mercury: Also, please make sure to tell them John sent you. That's a fact, whether or not he's your favorite blogger. But I'm sure HE hopes that he is. 

Jupiter: Damn straight. Even though I don't know any other bloggers...

Mercury: Jove, wait for the fine print. There are only 20 of these things. And when they're gone, this offer will end. 

Jupiter: It's time to get your learn on! Haul ass to Buffalo this October 19-23 for the SOTA Astrology Conference. Click the link for more details. 

Mercury: I think that's it, Jove. I'm off to another appointment. [leaves]

Jupiter: That little motherfucker has no soul whatsoever! He didn't even talk about all the astrologers that you can meet in such a small setting. That's the best part and Mr. Clinical didn't say a word about it! I'm going to have to talk with John about who he partners me up with...

Meeting of the Astrological Minds: SOTA 2016 Post-Mortem

Sun: Good morning, everyone! I know you're all ready to get back to work. Lady Moon, get us started, please. 

Moon: Yes, sir. It looks like everyone's here today. I feel so much more secure when I can see everyone.

Sun: What's on our agenda today, Luna?

Moon: Well mainly it's trying to catch up with our favorite blogger. He's been on the go pretty much for the past two weeks. And any other matters planets would like brought to the table, of course. 

Jupiter: Yup! I'm prominent in his solar return. Time for him to get out and be seen. He's also sold some books, which I'm ecstatic about.

Mercury: Are we going to talk about the US election?

Sun: No, Merc. We're not going to discuss the election.

Moon: It makes too many people uncomfortable or upset, Merc.

Mercury: But you said we could bring topics to the table.

Sun: I'm vetoing that one. Sorry. 

Mercury: Not even in a non-partisan, information exchange, "everone-is-ok-no-matter-how-they-voted-so-let's-sing-Kum-Bah-Yah-around-the-campfire-like-we-did-when-we-were-kids-and-didn't-hate-on-principle" sort of way?

Sun: Nope. We don't get into that sort of thing. Suffice it to say that most astrologers' predictions were completely wrong. I suspect many of them allowed their human biases get in the way of the analysis, which is always a bad idea. 

Saturn: With respect, sir, I completely agree with you.

Mercury: [Looks at Saturn] You don't look well, old man.

Saturn: The whole process gave me fits. If the Sun hadn't contacted me directly asking for my attendance today, I'd have stayed home.

Sun: And that's precisely the reason we're not going to talk about it. Well, one of the many. 

Mercury: [SIGH] FINE.

Venus: I'll be happy to listen to you later, Merc, if you still want to talk about it. 

Mars: Seriously, people, fuck that shit. Let's do something instead of sitting here touching ourselves. I can do that on my own time.

Pluto: Yeah, dude. We know. HAHAHAHA!

Mars: What are you laughing at, Orgasm King?

Pluto: You won't like what I say next, Neanderthal!

Sun: Gentlemen, PLEASE. Anyway, Mercury, please brief us on what John learned over the past few weeks. 

Mercury: Hard to say, sir. His brain is a sloppy mess of knowledge right now, and he's trying to write his next book. I do know he learned a ton both at the school and at the conference. Word on the street is that he brought home some books, too. But it's going to take a while to assimilate all the information.

Uranus: Much of what he learned at the astrology conference this time involved the outer planets, sir. I'm thrilled to say that his knowledge of how we work increased significantly.

Neptune: One of the presentations was called "Locked In!" by Brad Kochunas, and while it featured me and Pluto, I'm not sure how I feel about being part of people creating prisons for themselves. 

Pluto: Nep, you've gotta get over that. Personally, I'm a huge fan of this talk. This Kochunas guy KNOWS me. John walked away with a much clearer focus on what I'm doing up here. But everyone needs to hear this one!

Moon: And our itinerant blogger did learn a lot about me in my progressed form as well. It gives John a chance to see me in a different light than his usual Capricorn Moon self, which is, if I might say, somewhat limiting.

Saturn: Lady Moon, I'm just doing my job. But I must say once again this year that people seemed to have a very positive attitude toward me. And since our blogger friend hasn't written anything bad about me in a bit, I grudgingly accept that as progress. 

Mars: Give him time, Old Man. I'm sure he'll be back to slapping you around. I have every faith in him. And can I remind you that I'm STILL John's almuten?

Uranus: Saturn has to turn the thumbscrews in people's charts because he's always looking for more control. It's in Saturn's nature to cut off people's balls, right, Old Man? I sure would know...

Saturn: I beg your pardon, Uranus?

Uranus: Come on. You know what I mean! [chuckles]

Sun: Before this meeting gets too far off the rails, and unless people have other topics to propose, I have something I'd like to bring up.

Moon: Yes, sir. The floor is yours!

Neptune: [distant] Actually, it's mine. And it's so COOL! GROOVY. 

[Everyone looks at Neptune's chair, which is now empty]

Saturn: Neptune, it's hard to take you seriously, but it's practically impossible when you're lying on the floor!

[Everyone looks over at Neptune on the floor]

Sun: Well, before anyone decides to join Neptune on the floor, it's probably best to end here. The topic I had in mind requires more seriousness than we typically have in these meetings. Maybe I'll just send an email that most of you won't read. We're adjourned.

Saturn: I should never have gotten out of bed this morning. [SIGH] We were seven planets once, and everything was fine.

Neptune: Saturn, you may rule the joints, but you certainly aren't smoking enough of them. 

Random Meanderings from Jupiter and Saturn

Jupiter: PARTY PEOPLE! Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP for my Archers? It's that time of year again baby! Everything is awesome!

Saturn: Hello everyone. For those of you who missed our intro, you actually haven't, since my counterpart decided not to give our scheduled preamble. 

Jupiter: Oh come on, Old Man! Can't you live a little? Oh wait...what am I saying? Of course you can't! I was getting around to the intro though...

Saturn: [clears throat] John realizes that he has a responsibility to all of you and as such has decided to produce another blog. It's about time, if you ask me. He's been derelict in his duty to all of you. At least that's what I think.

Jupiter: What my very serious and sober colleague--and for those of you playing at home, we mean that literally and figuratively--is trying yet failing to say is that John's been out of the loop for a while and wanted to check back in. There's been a lot going on. 

Saturn: Indeed there has. John has once again taken on the responsibility of National Novel Writing Month, and similar to last year, his performance is lacking. He will not be finishing, as usual. But that would at least give you a partial explanation for his absence. Just a huge waste of time, if you ask me, and yet John stubbornly persists. I do give him credit for determination, though. If only he could take the effort he has given to Fallout 4 and direct it toward more worthy endeavors.

Jupiter: Well, while Negative Ned over here can focus on John's "deferred success" in Nanowrimo, let's talk about John's studies at the Midwest School of Astrology. He's learning a ton and really enjoying his teachers and his classmates. They realized he's not as serious as his astrological chart has made him out to be.

Saturn: Excellent that you brought up the school, Jupiter. John's learned a lot more about me, and the school believes that no planets are bad. Clearly that's a message he needs to hear repeatedly.

Jupiter: Look, Old Man, how can you blame the guy? You just opposed his natal Saturn position. He struggled with it most of the year. You should know better than anyone that time heals many things. 

Saturn: Well said, Jupiter. One point for you. Don't get used to it, though. John also continued his pursuit of his career goals and personal business by attending SOTA in Buffalo, New York, last month. Once again, the presenters really helped me put my best foot forward. But don't think I didn't hear about the moans and groans from certain audience members when I was mentioned. [shakes head sadly] Even in a room full of astrologers, some folks never learn.

Jupiter: And John learned a ton about a number of other topics as well. His presentation went well, and he hopes to have done well enough to be asked back again next year. Now, on to more current matters...

Saturn: Uh, Jupiter, we covered everything John asked us to discuss.

Jupiter: Well, not exactly. Your briefing book for this blog was missing a section that mine has, I suspect. 

Saturn: Was that an oversight?

Jupiter: I'm sure that it was. [smiles]

Saturn: [pause] Go on. 

Jupiter: John's asked me to discuss how to purchase astrological charts for the holidays! You know you want to!

Saturn: Wait just one minute! It was my understanding there would be no marketing in this piece!

Jupiter: Sorry, dude, You should know the drill by now.

Saturn: I understand the desire for business growth and development but if a business has a great reputation then it shouldn't need to advertise, right?

Jupiter: Au contraire, mon frere. It's always good to let people know what you're doing. 

Saturn: [SIGH] That oversight was likely a deliberate attempt to fool me into doing this blog. Just get on with it.

Jupiter: Jolly good! Natal charts and solar returns make great gifts for the holiday season. If you want one or both, let John know. He needs the date, place, and time of your birth to get an accurate chart, so don't leave any out. And get him all that information by December 1 to give him enough time for holiday gift giving. There you go, Saturn. Painless, right? [ruffles Saturn's hair]

Saturn: [glowering] I don't see the point of repeating my earlier statement, Jupiter. [fixes hair]

Jupiter: Well, I do...so to recap...holy shit! Is that that time? I've gotta get out of here...got a party to go to! I'm sure you can finish up here, right? [Jupiter leaves]

Saturn: I don't really think I have a choice, now, do I? [Looks in the direction that Jupiter left and shakes his head]  As you may have noticed, things in the world have become rather turbulent in the last half of 2015, and it's important to take stock of the incredible amount we have in our lives. So in between parties and presents, please take the opportunity to treasure those you hold dear. Also, Small Business Saturday is November 28, so please take the opportunity to help them grow through your patronage. Finally, may the blessings of the holiday season be upon you.  

Mercury's Initial Report on SOTA 2015

Moon: Go right in, Mercury. The Sun's waiting for you.

Mercury: Thank you, lady. I'd like you to join us for this meeting, if that's OK with the boss. 

Moon: How very thoughtful of you, Mercury! I'll ask him.

Mercury: Of course, Lady...and I know that he's going to tell you everything anyway so why should we make him repeat himself?

Sun: [from the office] Mercury, are you coming in here or not? I've been waiting for this report...

Moon: [gets up from her desk] Give me a moment, Mercury, please. [enters the Sun's office].

Sun: Come on in, Merc.

Mercury: [enters and sits down] Thank you, sir. 

Sun: Good suggestion on asking Lady Moon to be present. She's typing up the report anyway so it makes perfect sense for her to be here. 

Mercury: Glad you agree, sir. [pause] Where should I begin?

Sun: I don't have time for a full "brain dump", Mercury, so start with the most important things, please. 

Mercury: Yes, sir. [pulls out tablet and starts swiping] Here we are. Lots of excellent stuff being discussed. One facet of this conference in particular is how even handed they are about Saturn. There are always a few groans from the audience when he comes up, but the presenters have done a great job giving the positive side of him. He'll be really pleased to hear that...as pleased as he can be. 

Sun: Really? That's outstanding news. Lady, please make sure that Saturn hears that ASAP.

Moon: Yes, sir. I'm on it. 

Mercury: All of us were in conversations about transits that may be positive for love and relationships. Again, the presenter was excellent and very even-handed. 

Moon: Did they mention transits to my nodes? [looks at the sun] Oh, sorry, sir. 

Sun: Go ahead, Lady. Please. 

Moon: Thank you, sir. Anything on transits to my nodes and love, Mercury?

Mercury: Yes, ma'am. Actually there was some stuff on it. I think humans are disappointed that those nodal transits aren't longer because some of them are pretty damn good.

Moon: [Beams] Indeed! 

Sun: What's on the agenda for today?

Mercury: Again, a great schedule chock full of facts. "Astrology and Grief" was this morning, and then this afternoon there's a presentation on declinations over a lifetime. 

Sun: Super important, that last one, and it gets kind of complex, but that's good. If people are going to study us they need to take it seriously. 

Mercury: And they are, sir. Astrology conversations are going on constantly this weekend, before, during and after classes, at receptions and in bars. It's all astrology all the time for this group.

Sun: Excellent. At the next meeting you'll present your findings, right?

Mercury: An abbreviated version, yes, sir. 

Sun: I expect your report by Monday COB, and it will be the framework for any observations that the other planets might have had. We'll send it by email but you know as well as I do that Neptune doesn't read his email half the time. 

Mercury: I had heard that, sir, but I had no evidence to back that up. 

Sun: You can trust me on this one, Merc. [chuckles] I think we're done, Merc, except for one last thing...

Mercury: Sir?

Sun: Our favorite blogger presented this morning. How did he do?

Mercury: I didn't really look into that, sir...it was on tarot so I wasn't sure if you'd be interested in it...

Sun: But you must have heard something!

Mercury: Initial reports seem to indicate that he did well, and while I know his presentation skills are solid, I don't have much to back that up.

Sun: Well, John's solar return is tomorrow, so I'm especially keeping an eye on him. [turns to Lady Moon]. Please leave out my interest in John's presentation when you compile the report, Lady, if you would be so kind. Some planets are a little testy these days. 

Moon: These centuries, you mean, sir? Like planets that begin with "S" and end with "aturn"?

Sun: Lady! [sighs] Mercury, you are forbidden from broadcasting that. The last thing I want is the greater malefic with something to hold over me. 

Mercury: I'll do my best, sir. 

Sun: Do better than your best, Mercury. I expect your report in two days. 

Mercury: Yes, sir. I'm off. [runs out of the room]

Moon: Sorry. Sometimes my emotions get the better of me, boss. 

Sun: Luna, please don't say anything like that in front of the chatterbox of the astrological planets ever again. Him or Uranus, actually.

Moon: Yes, sir. [low voice] He's still a prick. [leaves the office]

Meeting of the Astrological Minds: SOTA 2015

Sun: OK, people, settle down, please. Time to make the donuts. Lady Moon, how's our attendance today?

Moon: Sir, we're working with a skeleton crew...looks like Venus, Mars, and Jupiter are all out right now. 

Sun: Wait...those three are out, and Neptune is here?

Moon: Yes, sir. 

Mercury: I heard those three were getting together soon, sir. This weekend, I thought. 

Sun: We're conjunct with each other at various times, but what I don't understand us why they didn't show up. Did you check the Facebook page?

Mercury: I just looked. Nothing, sir. 

Saturn: Sir, there has to be some sanction for this or else the behavior will continue. I for one am sick of having my time wasted.

Neptune: You're just incapable of rolling with it, aren't you, Old Man?

Saturn: Neptune, you have no standing to criticize me since you can never even be on time. I haven't missed a meeting since we started having them. 

Pluto: Don't be a prick. 

Saturn: [turns to Pluto] Excuse me? Were you talking to ME?

Pluto: You answered to it, right, prick? [snickers]

Saturn: I think it was better when you didn't say anything in meetings, Pluto. Why can't we go back to the days when we only had the classical planets? Those were the days...

Sun: Saturn, Pluto has every right to be here, as do Uranus and Neptune.

Pluto: And everyone knows you don't like us, Old Man.

Saturn: Well, you outer planets are at least present, so I'll give them a tiny bit more credit than I normally would. Though that's still not much, I'll admit...

Mercury: Wait, a picture just came in on the Facebook page. [pause] Oh wow...is that a video of Jupiter trying to play Dance Dance Revolution with Venus and Mars observing? Looks like he's having a seizure, not dancing. WOW. [pause] I get they feeling they're not coming to the meeting, sir. 

Sun: Well there's an astrology conference going on this weekend in Buffalo, NY, and we were going to look at the agenda and see how our messages are getting out. 

Uranus: Sir, we already see some social media action on it. There's not much, but technically the full conference doesn't begin until Friday morning.

Sun: Well, OK then. I guess we move on without them. I want everyone to pay attention to the social media buzz on this and see what information about each of us is going out. I also understand that your favorite blogger, John, is going to be there, Old Man. 

Saturn: I don't want to talk about him right now, sir. You know why.

Sun: [glowers at Saturn and speaks softly] You know, I'm getting sick of your shit, Saturn. You've been acting like a jerk since you walked in here. [pause and at full voice] All of you have your assignments, so go to it. I expect reports by COB Monday. Now please clear the room, except for Saturn. Lady Moon, please send my instructions to the Facebook page so Venus, Mars, and Jupiter complete their assignments. 

Moon: Yes, sir. You heard him, please. Clear the room. 

[Everyone else rises and leaves the room except the Sun and Saturn]

Sun: Saturn, you have no reason to be pissed at John. In fact, he's got more of a reason to be angry at YOU because of what you've been putting him through all spring and summer. He's handling it better than you, you know that?

Saturn: Sir, with all due respect, I don't appreciate...

Sun: [quietly] Saturn, don't piss me off. The way to do that is not to speak. [pause] I'm only going to say this once: Get the fuck over yourself. I'm very weary of your complaints. They've been going on for centuries. Some of that is an occupational hazard, I get that. But I don't want to hear any more sob stories about how everyone hates you, or about how some fat bastard is writing a blog you don't like. DO YOUR FUCKING JOB and keep quiet about it. Goodbye. 

Shameless Marketing: Upcoming Events!

Hello everyone...I've finally managed to wrest my blog back from the astrological planets. And there was much rejoicing! Yaaaaaaaaay!

Anyway, there's a lot going on in my life right now. The most important event coming up for me is the SOTA (State of the Art) Astrology Conference in Cheektowaga, NY, this coming week. I'll be leaving Wednesday and coming home Sunday night. I'm looking forward to meeting some old friends and making some new ones. Two of my dear sisters--the Mercury twins, I call them--will be coming with me on this great journey, and I'm very much looking forward to it. I'll also be meeting Pam and Diane, my teachers at the Midwest School of Astrology, as well as one of my classmates. It should be a great time!

My presentation is Saturday morning on "The Queens of the Tarot", and I hope that if you live in the Buffalo area or find yourself there you'll at least come out and see the conference's trade room, which is free to anyone. Half-day passes are also available so check out the program and if you're interested, come on over!

Two interesting things have happened this fall regarding my tarot business. I've been there two weekends in October and haven't seen many clients, which is odd because usually I'm extremely busy. The second is that Halloween is on a Saturday night, good people, and I'm not booked for a tarot party yet. This totally confuses me because I'm usually turning people away for Halloween. Anyway, there's still time...if you want to make your Halloween party a little extra special, drop me a line and we'll see what we can set up!

Also in the realm of shameless marketing, my beloved, Jennifer Wells, is releasing the long-awaited sequel to Magick Charm on October 26th! It's call Free Spirit and it's available on Kindle; you can even pre-order it if you like. I'm so proud of her achievement! Writing a book is really hard work, which is likely why none of my books have seen the light of day yet. Here's a meme that seems to work nicely for writers:

Anyway, here's the link to pre-order it! Told you it was shameless marketing! 

If you live in Northern VA, I hope to see you at www.13magickalmoons.com for our Samhain ritual on October 28 from 6-9pm. I'll be reading cards but I'll also be participating in the ritual, which is open to all. If you've never been and you're looking for a welcoming Pagan community, look no further!

I've also updated my tarot schedule through the end of the year at the links to your right. 

Thanks as always for your attention and patronage. Blessed Samhain to all! I hope to see you across my table soon. :)

Shameless Marketing Alert: Upcoming Events and Schedule

Hello everyone...

You read the title so if shameless marketing offends, turn away now. This is your last warning. 

Anyway, if you're still reading this, here are some notes about upcoming events:

1) Tarot readings and charts for September

I'm going on vacation in September and have a number of other personal engagements, so my only Saturday reading tarot at 13 Magickal Moons for the month is September 5, which is Labor Day Weekend. After that day, my last September date is the community's Mabon Ritual, which is from 6-9 on Wednesday, September 23. I hope to see many of you there!

Also, if you need a phone or Skype reading soon, now would be the time to schedule it. I have a few time slots still open for the next week or so, but from September 9-27, I will be out of the office and unavailable.

Finally, I have a few more charts to finish, but I'm not taking on any more before my vacation. If you need natals or solar returns for Libra folks, let me know so I can start working on them once I return. 

2) Halloween tarot parties

OK, so Halloween is on a Saturday night this year, but even if your event isn't that evening, I have some availability for parties. They do tend to fill up fast so if you're interested in having me to read cards for you and your friends, hierophant@cox.net or 703-829-3273 are the ways to contact me. 

3) State of the Art Conference (SOTA)

I'll be speaking on "The Queens of the Tarot" at the upcoming SOTA conference this fall from October 21-25. Of course, I'll also be attending the conference and hope to see many of you there. This was an amazing event and it's held in the Buffalo metro area, so if you're local, come on out and at least check out the vendor area, which is free. There are some amazing readers coming this year and plenty of other cool stuff to buy.

4) Beginning tarot classes at 13 Magickal Moons

I've had a number of folks ask me about beginner tarot classes. They're coming around again, this time on Thursday nights starting later in the fall. 13 Magickal Moons will have the dates and times up likely in the next week. If you're interested in learning the tarot, there's no better way to start or deepen your knowledge than in this fun, safe environment.

Thanks as always for your support and patronage, and for recommending my services to others! I look forward to seeing you across my table soon!

Blessed be,

John

PS: Saturn is still a prick. Just sayin'. That is all.