Jupiter: Hello there, excellent people! As the designated shill of the astrological planetary committee, I am here to bring you up to speed on recent happenings involving our favorite blogger. And joining me in my task today is Mercury!
Mercury: Well, someone had to be here to make sure that there was actual information conveyed and not some exaggerated, overblown account of what is truly going on.
Jupiter: I resemble that remark, brainiac! We can’t all be as smart and articulate as you.
Mercury: John’s reading schedule in northern Virginia will change for the next few months. A temporary work assignment will not allow for John to read at Sticks & Stones as usual. Let me again stress the word temporary.
Jupiter: As in the "not permanent" kind of temporary!
Mercury: [looks at Jupiter] I don't know of any other definition for that word, Jupiter.
Jupiter: [sigh] FINE.
Mercury: From February 1 through early May, 2021, John will continue to do readings and charts, but via Zoom only. As soon as John’s official return date to the store is determined, we’ll inform you promptly.
Jupiter: Consider this only as a momentary disruption to his in-person services, good people!
Mercury: Please contact John directly for any reading or chart inquiries via his email, hierophant@cox.net.
Jupiter: And upon John’s triumphant return to duty at the region’s premier metaphysical mercantile, he will begin teaching a beginner astrology course of study!
Mercury: Correct. While John is designing the curriculum at present, the information we have is that it is designed for astrology beginners, and that it will be a series of courses starting with the astrological planets. We do not have an official start date, but you can generally expect them to start at some point during the summer months on Sunday afternoons at Sticks & Stones for $35 a student per class. The proposed time slot is 3:30-5:30pm, although again, that could shift.
Jupiter: Believe me when I tell you that you do not want to miss this opportunity to learn from an experienced instructor who knows how to teach adults! And who wouldn’t want to learn more about me?
Mercury: You may have concerns about attending an in-person class during the COVID pandemic. We hope that many of you will be vaccinated by the time the class series has its debut, but it’s fair to say that the threat of COVID-19 will not dissipate immediately, and no vaccination is 100% effective. While John will be teaching the class at Sticks & Stones and you may attend in person, you may also choose to take the class via Zoom.
Jupiter: You only live once, good people, and who wouldn’t want to spend a great deal of time learning a 3000-year-old discipline from a born instructor who cares about long-term student information retention? You’ll feel a lot dumber than Mars if you miss out on this opportunity, and I mean have you MET him? There are boxes of rocks smarter than he is!
Mercury: I don’t recall seeing that last remark in our prepared text, Jupiter, although I did recently go retrograde...
Jupiter: You didn’t miss it, Merc…you are just not the type to…speak off the cuff. Haven’t you ever wanted to like, you know…jazz up your language a little bit? Have some fun with it?
Mercury: As additional information becomes available, John will transmit it via appropriate channels. I believe we have conveyed the information, and it’s time to conclude. People can reach out to John directly for additional clarification if needed.
Jupiter: [frowns] You know how to ruin a guy’s day, don’t you, Mr. Information Junkie? You know what? WHATEVER. YOLO, good people!
