Monday, December 21, 2015

Letters From Saturn: Celebrating Saturnalia

Dear John,

I wish you the blessings of the Winter Solstice! According to my calculations, it appears that the Sun will move into Capricorn at 11:48pm this evening in your area. This begins a two-month stretch of signs that I rule as ancient times I also ruled the sign of Aquarius, and had dominion over the entire month surrounding the new calendar year. Uranus, of course, now rules the last part of January, but I'd like to think I still hold some sway.

I read your blog post last night and was surprised at how much like me you sounded. Truly a Saturnian blog that was, and I was extremely appreciative of it. But you sounded more pessimistic than your usual self, so I wanted to take the opportunity to wish you well in my own way. 

Saturnalia was a holiday festival held in my honor in ancient Roman times. You probably thought it was a big bore, but it was actually the most well-known of the ancient Roman holidays. 

There was a public banquet, people exchanged gifts, and in an interesting twist, a number of Roman laws were suspended for the duration of the festival. Think about it: We turned Rome into a casino and carnival in my honor for several days every December. The great poet Catallus called Saturnalia "the best of days" because at that one time of year, masters would serve their slaves table side. 

People had a really good time and truly enjoyed themselves. We did this for centuries until Christianity found its way into the Roman Empire, and then the party ended. But Saturnalia was so popular that it influenced modern holidays like Yule and Christmas. Good times!

As you have heard many times this year, you must "play the hand you're dealt" astrologically. In other words, as much as some days you'd like to believe I don't exist, you're sort of stuck with me, and you will bow to me eventually. I rule your chart and there's no getting around that. 

At the same time, I'm also stuck with you. In 2015, to be candid, you didn't make it easy on either of us. I'll give you credit for your determination and certainly I admire your tenacity, but there comes a time when you will have to bend to my will. Despite our past differences, I feel like you're getting around to that point now in your life. 

On this Saturnalia I have a message for you: While we're not "master and slave" per se--especially these days that phrase has so many other connotations that I will not address at this time--I bow to you and thank you for your service in my name this year. If there was an Applebee's close by me, I'd be the one bringing over your bar sampler personally and more than one refill of Diet Pepsi. 

We should try to make productive use of the limited time we have together in the coming years. I hope to interact more with you in a positive way in 2016, but if and when that occurs is not really up to me. It's up to you and I hope you will put more effort into our relationship than you have in the past, more than the standard jokes you like to throw my way. I'm all for fun at my expense...wait a minute. Of course I'm not. So never mind what I was just going to say.

I mean you no disrespect, John, but last night, you sounded like a tired, old man. Despite your experiences this past calendar year, you're still young, even though people ruled by me are "born old". And it sounds like you could use a little Saturnalia yourself, young man. So I hope you will take a little of your own advice and enjoy the time with your lovely wife and family this season.

You and I will work something out. It will take time and effort, but I've got plenty of both. I'd like to ask for you to keep an open mind; you may find me more of an ally than you originally thought. 

Blessed Yule to you and yours, and keep me in Saturnalia!

Very truly yours,


Sunday, December 20, 2015

Metaphysical Meanderings to Re-Cap 2015

Hello there everyone...the end of 2015 is almost upon us, and I wanted to take a few moments to share some meanderings with you while I have some time.

1) 2015 was a rough year. It had a few good parts, but generally speaking in my world it kind of sucked. So I can't wait for the new year. 

2) My faith in people was truly tested this year. I've always felt like I was a "people person", but there were more times this year where I wanted to be alone than usual. It seemed that people were much more interested in themselves than other people, and that in 2015 people were totally ready to fuck each other over for idiotic reasons. Hopefully that's just an aberration.

3) I think everyone needs an Erin Condren planner. I've had mine for a few weeks and I feel much better--much more creative and open. Give it a try! Stickers and Washi tape are more liberating than they might seem...

4) With all of the senseless violence we have seen this year, some of you may be feeling unsettled or somehow unsafe. While anything can happen anywhere, it's important for you to live your life to its fullest. Go where you want and enjoy yourselves without fear. That's the only way to defeat the intentions of anyone who would attempt to harm us.

5) Please express your own beliefs while being respectful of those of others. With the elections that are coming in 2016, there's always the potential for turbulence. If you post your beliefs on social media, people are going to comment, so use your best judgment. 

6) I'll just repeat one of the best memes I saw this year: "Dear Karma, you missed a few people. I have a list..." :)

7) My studies at the Midwest School of Astrology have really helped me grow and develop as a person and as an astrologer, even though it's only the end of my first semester. I'm thrilled to be a part of my class and the school community!

A special thanks to all of my clients, students at the ToWC, and classmates. I sincerely appreciate your patronage and friendship this year. 

Also, I would be remiss if I didn't thank my beloved, Jen, and my chosen family, who helped keep me sane during a very insane year. 

Finally, it's sometimes hard to know if anyone reads this blog. So I'd like to say a special thank you to those people who made a point of saying they have read it and who have made positive comments about it. Your positive feedback means the world to me.

Here's to a prosperous, peaceful, and amazing 2016. And here's to learning the lessons 2015 was supposed to teach us so we don't keep making the same mistakes.

All the best for you and yours for whatever holiday you celebrate! 

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Jupiter vs. Saturn: Jupiter Promises, But Saturn Pays

Saturn: Welcome, old friend! Thanks for coming.

Jupiter: Sure, Old Man. You know I'll never turn down an invitation. Has Neptune arrived yet?

Saturn: Yup. He's in the other room beginning his yearly bender.

Jupiter: You mean his weekly bender, right? We're talking about the same planet here...

Saturn: I was trying to be more discrete than that, Jove, but your point is well taken. 

Jupiter: Of course. The soul of discretion you are! But it was awfully nice of you to invite us over! You hosting a party is out of character for you.

Saturn: Usually yes, but I wanted to have a little good cheer. You and I kind of share the holiday season so I think it's important for us to get together and remember that. Having the others here is an added bonus. 

Jupiter: Definitely. [looks at side table] Why are there cell phones all over the table?

Saturn: The theme this year is "Old Time Yule", and so I've asked everyone to leave their phones here for the duration of the party. People don't seem to talk anymore, and I don't want to advertise this event on social media.

Jupiter: Well, I've already checked in on Facebook and Foursquare, but I'm happy to leave my phone here for the merriment. [turns phone off and places it on the table]

Saturn: I should have put my intentions on the invitation. But I guess since I don't do any of that it shouldn't really affect me.

Jupiter: I see from the table that Venus and Mars are here. That "Hello Kitty" case is a dead giveaway, and as usual, Mars needs his screen replaced. 

Saturn: Correct. [looks down at Jupiter's phone case] And what is "Vault-Tec"? Your phone case says it some sort of company?

Jupiter: Yes, Old Man. It's a fictional company from a video game that I enjoy called "Fallout 4". Pluto actually recommended it.

Saturn: Sounds like Pluto all right. And that's funny...I swear I saw a business article about that game, I think. It appears to be selling well, right?

Jupiter: Yes, it is. They're making tons of money on it. And it's a great adventure experience. And speaking of Pluto, he's here...there's his fallout shelter-themed case. You can see it coming a mile away with that orange traffic cone color.

Saturn: At least he won't be losing it anytime soon. So while you're here I have a serious question to ask.

Jupiter: I'm all ears, Old Man, and aren't all your questions serious?

Saturn: One point for you, Jupiter. [smile] John called me the other day to say that he accepts me. I'm not sure how to take that.

Jupiter: You should be thrilled! He's learning something from you.

Saturn: I must admit that while I don't like the way other people treat me sometimes, his past ire with me is not undeserved. There's one goal he's been working on for over seven years now that he hasn't yet achieved, and I know I delay things. I've thrown tons of roadblocks in his way and he gets tired of it. But clearly he's not ready for that yet, despite his insistence. Your opinion would be welcomed.

Jupiter: Have you heard the phrase, "Jupiter promises, but Saturn pays"?

Saturn: No! That must be a new astrological aphorism. And it's brilliant.

Jupiter: I agree, and it's true. I wish I could remember who said it. At any rate, I spend my life telling people to reach for the stars, to do and be more, to expand, to explore. But other than the occasional lucky break, my promises are only fulfilled because of you.

Saturn: I lost you there, Jupiter. What do you mean?

Jupiter: I can promise luck and good fortune, but only through hard work will it be sustained. You reward hard work as people like John push against those very obstacles. If not for them, any promises I make would be empty. And I'll be the first to admit that many of them are. You remember what happened to Marylin Monroe when she had her 3rd Jupiter return, right?

Saturn: Yeah. Her ego expanded too far, and she became a diva. Then they fired her.

Jupiter: Yup. She expanded too far and your influence stepped in to correct it. Did she learn from that experience? Well, no one can really say. But that was a seminal moment in her life. She could have used that setback as a springboard for the future. Ideally, John will do that, too, and ultimately, you will "pay off". But it's not easy. 

Saturn: I never thought of it that way. He and I have a very complicated relationship. To be fair, I'm the simple one...he's changed, but I haven't.

Jupiter: Calling yourself simple isn't a compliment, Saturn...

Saturn: I guess that's true. Then I'll say John is a complex individual. Will that work?

Jupiter: Indeed it will. So does that make you feel better?

Saturn: Definitely. Thank you as always for your wise counsel. 

Jupiter: Absolutely, old friend. Happy to do it! I hope the food isn't old, though...

Saturn: No, it's fresh, though clearly I didn't buy enough hot wings...Pluto has already devoured those.

Jupiter: Fucking little bastard! I have no idea where he puts it!!