Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Mercurial Message Makes Mars Morbidly Mad

Mars: So what the fuck, Merc? Why did you want to see me? [gestures toward Neptune] And why'd you bring this pussy along?

Neptune: [gently] In many parts of the world, conversations among polite folks usually begin with "Hello," Mars. And in some cases, it continues with "Is it me you're looking for?" I LOVE that song!

Mercury: He's right, Mars. So hello!

Mars: Fine. Hell-the-fuck-lo. Now, what the fuck do you want? March Madness is on, and I'm a little busy! 

Mercury: This won't take too much of your time. If I had feelings, I'd be a little embarrassed.

Neptune: He would be, Mars. But he doesn't know how.

Mars: And how would you know, Mr. Hippy? Or is it Ms. Hippy this week?

Neptune: I'm cool with whatever. 

Mars: [To Mercury] You know for someone who is supposed to be specific and clear, Merc, you're fucking it up.

Mercury: I came to tell you about a young lady who's starting her own blog. 

Mars: Oh yeah? Someone I know? Because you know I don't read.  

Mercury: I'd say so. She rides with you most of the time. Lots of Mars intensity in a small package, someone you don't want to underestimate. Goes by the name of...[consults Erin Condren planner]...Ren? Do you know anyone by that name by chance?

Mars: Oh hell yeah! Why didn't you say so? Ren's my girl! We've had some good times. What's the problem?

Mercury: Well, she's starting her own blog, and we thought she might need a little...push. Some incentive!

Neptune: You know, perhaps some positive reinforcement that this is a good idea...

Mars: She's awesome! She was even packing heat last weekend! What do you need me to do?

Mercury: I'm going to be dropping in on her. Is there something inspiring you'd like to say?

Mars: America fuck yeah! She should SO do this. Then everyone can MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!

Mercury: How about a comprehensible message that doesn't involve copyright infringement?

Mars: FUCK! Here you go again, brainiac. Repeat in English for those of us who like things "on the real".

Mercury: [whispers] Nep, I told you this was a bad idea. 

Neptune: No, not at all! Just take his words and come up with something more...appropriate. 

Mercury: We went down that road a while back, and the Sun got sort of pissed at me for it. I'd rather not have that situation again. 

Neptune: No one else has to know, Merc. And if the Sun comes after you, blame me. I can just say I was drunk. 

Mercury: [shouts] AH HA! The "I was drunk" defense. That's brilliant! The Japanese have been using that one for YEARS!

Mars: I can't hear the game over you two motherfuckers! So decide what I need to say to her and get out!

Mercury: I think I've got it. "The blessings of Mars be upon you, Ren, as you embark on this wonderful new blogging adventure. I will gladly come visit your blog anytime, and bring many of my astrological planetary friends."

Neptune: That's beautiful. You think she'd let me come, too? 

Mercury: Dude, you have to come. She actually writes creative shit people will want to read, not this astrology crap that John does. She's an honest to goodness creative writer. I mean, John's stuff is informative, and yes it's nonfiction, kind of, but evaluated against others, I'd say his prose lacks a bit of...

Mars: Dickheads! There's the fucking door. John's one of mine, too. So unless you want to be speaking out of your assholes, I suggest you fuck right off. 

Mercury: A pleasant evening to you, Mars. We'll take our leave of you now. 

Neptune: Embrace your inner Goddess, Mars. 

Mars: Go fuck yourself, Nep! Same to you, Merc, whatever you just said. And don't take a damn thing from my house. 

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Lady Luna's Lunation Lecture: What is a Lunation?

Good evening, everyone. My name is Luna, and I'm the Moon. I asked John if I could start doing some more work on the blog, and he was very understanding and said yes without hesitating. So here I am. 

I hope you'll be nice as this is the first time I've been up here by myself. Oh no...I wasn't supposed to say that, was I? [blush]

Anyway, you've probably seen me...I'm that orb that floats around in the night sky that can sometimes seem incredibly close to the earth. I exert a certain...force, shall we say, that moves the tides around. 

People have written songs and poems to me for centuries, and would you believe that vast majority of these...well, admirers, I guess is what you'd call them, even though the term makes me dreadfully uncomfortable...have no idea about my astrological functions?

I rule the ebb and flow of a person's emotional body. The astrological sign I'm in at your birth can tell you a lot about how you react to things. Think of me as "mom": When life gets tough, you come running to me, and I receive you warmly and make you feel safe and secure.

Lunatic. Lunacy. Looney. They all come from me. And did you know that the word month comes from moon? I go through all 12 signs of the zodiac in about 28.5 days, or almost one month. I'm often the timer for astrological events, too. Fascinating, isn't it? 

I don't like to talk about myself much, but it's safe to say that astrologers like the one who writes this blog think I'm pretty important. In some forms of astrology, I'm even more essential than my consort, the Sun. I don't make a big deal out of it, though...Sol would get upset if I tried to grab ALL of his light for myself and that's just NOT who I am. In truth, in western astrology, he's in charge, but I definitely do my share of the work. 

Anyway, speaking of words, the word lunation is not well-known, but it's one of the things I do often, twice a month to be exact. A lunation is a new moon or a full moon, both important parts of my monthly cycle through the signs. 

The new moon cannot be seen because the moon and the sun are conjunct; in other words, I'm too close to the sun for you to see anything but a ring. A new moon lunation is a "download" of energy at a particular point astrological degree, while the full moon lunation is a "culmination" at a particular place.

If you've got planets or sensitive points close to each, then you may take a hit, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, either. 

If this stuff is all too geeky for you, feel free to ask our astrologer friend John. Otherwise, my next lunation will be in a few weeks!