Saturday, August 25, 2012

An Open Letter to Mercury, Part 2: The Rest of the Story

Dear Mercury,

It's been over a month now since my back decided it needed a few days off. Thankfully, I'm walking around, almost like normal except for the occasional numbness in my legs or hips. I'm glad we've restored the equilibrium for the most part. More tests coming up this week to make sure we're progressing.

I visited a personal trainer yesterday for the first time, and I'm happy to tell you that my nervous system is working very well again. Fucking OUCH! This morning was definitely a rude awakening; my legs, arms, shoulders and back are definitely sore. Luckily, with the help of some ibuprofen and a lot of sitting around, I'm much better. Now to be fair to you, my trainer did tell me that we would be using lots of muscle groups. What he didn't tell me--probably for the best--is that these are muscles that I don't regularly use. 

Technically I should have known that this was not going to be a walk in the park, Mercury. When we did my fitness assessment on Wednesday, my trainer Jon used some cool tools to give me a starting point. While I'm a little embarrassed to put the exact numbers on a public forum--most people have trouble reading scientific notation anyway--I'll summarize it by saying that I have the body of a god. Unfortunately for me, that god is Buddha. No offense to him intended, of course; Buddha's shape and level of fitness are perfect for him, but you see my point. 

Jon was very encouraging, but he did say one thing that I'm going to call bullshit on. He told me that some people get very sore after their first personal training session, but that others "don't feel a thing and bounce right back." I'd like to know who the people in the second group are, and I have to ask myself if these people are fitness professionals. Being Saturn-ruled, I tried to keep a stiff upper lip throughout my session, but I wasn't so good at that. He'd ask, "It gets your heart rate up, doesn't it?" during the session from time to time, and by halfway through I was trying to catch my breath and could barely answer anyway. 

And let's not even talk about beauty in form, because you tell everybody anything, but for the record, I'd rather Venus not know how bad I looked out there. PLEASE. 

Before you ask, I don't know what sign I'm dealing with here. I'll work on getting that information so I can know who I'm dealing with. I have no guess, either, since he's kept me too bust to exchange pleasantries. 

Anyway, I am planning to do some more writing; I'm over 35K on the novel now and working along, but haven't made much progress this week. With Jen still in Florida and waiting out the hurricane, I'll have more time to write this week. For the record, I'd rather have her home, but after last month's fuckery it's probably best she stay out of harm's way.




  1. I'm sorry to laugh at your pain, John, but you made it so very easy for me to do so! :-)

    Hang in there; Saturn's obviously cranked up the "No pain, no gain," factor to Warp 9, miserable bastard that he is. ;-)

    In other news, it's bizarre that Merc's out of retro, and yet a software program at work that's *vital* to my office at this time of year completely gave up the ghost on Friday. Our IT heroes are trying to revive it, but WOW, the look on my boss' face when she found out. Whoooooa, Nelly!
    Some Dark Romantic

    1. Thanks for the encouragement, Mina. And you're right about Saturn. He can be a miserable bastard. But I will make it through sheer stubbornness! :)

  2. Of course my trainer just quit! So now I'll have to start over again!!! :(