Thursday, June 1, 2017

Mercury vs. Mars: Mercurial Meanderings with a Touch of Martial Mashing

[Mercury knocks on the Sun's office door]

Sun: Come in!

[Mercury opens the door and sees the Sun behind his desk and Mars in front of it in his stretchy body suit]

Mercury: Oh, are you in a meeting, sir?

Sun: Yes, Mercury, but I know YOU never take a long time. [chuckles]. Is it something quick?

Mars: Yeah, because this can wait!

Mercury: I've got a report I'd like to share, sir, but it can wait...

Sun: [gestures] No, please come in and sit down. I'll have to explain this concept to Mars slowly again anyway and we may be here a while. What's on your mind?

Mercury: Well, I wanted to report that two of my peeps are heading to a writing conference this weekend: John's beloved Jen and his sister Amy. 

Sun: That sounds extremely mercurial indeed! I can understand your enthusiasm. Will they be gone long?

Mars: Dumb question! Mercury trips are lucky to last 10 minutes!

Sun: Mars, please let Mercury answer. At least I know he'll fully comprehend the question.

Mars: FINE! [crosses arms]

Mercury: Two Mercury-ruled ladies on a long weekend to write, write, write! And they've even done this before! It's an amazing story.

Mars: Yeah, and John gets to sit at home and do interesting shit like do two-hour workouts like a BOSS! I think HE got the better end of that deal...he won't have two Mercury bitches yammering all the time. 

Sun: [frowns] I don't recall asking for your input, Mars.

Mars: In English, please, sir?

Sun: [smiles] That's a nice way of saying, "Shut your cakehole!"

Mars: But that's not a nice way of sayin' it at all, sir! So I don't know why you said that!

Sun: [shakes head sadly] Is John prepared?

Mercury: Yes, sir. He is planning on purchasing another Steam game and playing [opens his Erin Condren planner] "until his eyeballs fall out," sir.

Sun: I'm happy for John, but please keep that information "limited distro". 

Mercury: Why would we do that, sir?

Sun: Because there are certain planets who would harangue John mercilessly for playing games instead of working. I'm sure you take my meaning. 

Mercury: Yes, sir. Of course. Limited distro it is.

Mars: Why are we talking about gasoline? What the fuck is that about?

Mercury: I...I didn't get that, sir. 

Sun: [sighs and covers face with his hands] It's not important, Merc. Please leave the report for me, and I'll peruse it in greater detail later. If you would be so kind as to close the door and let Lady Moon know to cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon. My records need to be accurate for my weekly leadership activity inventory. Have her mark it on the calendar as "Mentoring". 

Mercury: Yes, sir. I'll take care of it immediately. 

[Merc closes door and walks to Lady Moon's desk]

Mercury: Lady Moon, the Sun told me to ask you to cancel his afternoon appointments and list it as "Mentoring."

Moon: [looks at computer screen] Oh shit. I'm going to have to bump Venus again. At least she understands. And I hope he doesn't lose it with our bully colleague...

Sun: [muffled sound through door] And if I ever, EVER, see you wearing that bodysuit again in my presence, I'll write you up! If you want to work out it in that's up to you, but I do NOT want to see your penis!

Mercury: How prescient of you, Lady Moon!

Moon: [sadly] I have my moments. 


Mercury: Everyone can see his dong in that suit. It's completely obvious!

Moon: [SIGH] You'd better run along, Merc. It's going to be a long afternoon. 

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