Mercury Retrograde: Letter from the Caribbean

Jupiter: Are you there, Saturn? It's me, Jupiter! 

Saturn: [unlocks door] Don't you have other things to be doing, Jupiter? And if you think you're going to fool me into somehow saying "By Jove!"...

Jupiter: [laughs] No, Old Man. Nothing like that. You going to invite me in?

[After a pregnant pause, Saturn holds the door open]

Jupiter: Thank you. I sincerely apologize for not texting beforehand. Oh, wait...you don't text so you wouldn't have known anyway.

Saturn: [grunts] Fair enough. So why are you here?

Jupiter: I was over at the office and some mail came in for you. Well, it looked like your style: Plain, #2 pencil, that sort of thing, and it turns out it is for you.

Saturn: So you decided to do Mercury a favor? That's awfully generous of you.

Jupiter: Unlike a certain planet I know, I'm always expanding my horizons. [smirk]

Saturn: I give you "harrumph", Jupiter. "Harrumph," I say. Get to the point! 

Jupiter: This letter from John came in a while back and I guess it was just before Merc went retro. So it's been sitting in the mail room and...well, now you have it. [hands over envelope]

Saturn: [turns away from Jupiter, then turns back] You're just going to ask me what he said anyway, right?

Jupiter: Yup.

Saturn: How about the boundary of privacy?

Jupiter: YOU may be good with boundaries, Old Man, but have you MET me?

Saturn: [sigh] FINE. Let me read it.

"Dear Saturn,

I greet you, dear sir, from the middle of the Caribbean. We are well on our way to Amber Cove in the Dominican Republic. We spent today in Grand Turk in the Turks and Caicos Islands, part of the old British West Indies, and I must say it was lovely.

By your standards, I have spent the past several days doing things that make you uncomfortable. These activities included ignoring my diet, drinking, gambling, going to a spa, drinking, gambling, relaxing and generally speaking not thinking about you at all."
Saturn: [sigh] It always goes back to you and Neptune, doesn't it?

Jupiter: He's on vacation overseas. Damn right it does. Keep going!

"That last sentence does not mean that I wish you any ill will, Old Man; let me make that clear. But those closest to me have told me repeatedly that your influence over me has been very strong as of late—working too much mostly, but not feeling my usual chipper self, either—and as such I have been listening to their wise counsel. Consequently, this my first attempt at anything resembling work in the past four days.

To be fair, you’re the only planet I’m really talking to at the moment. I’ve even done the unthinkable: I’ve banished Mercury from my life over the past few days by not using the Internet here on the ship. My communications have been done the old-fashioned way: in person with other human beings. There are no messages coming in from the outside. The only thing missing is #2 pencils and you’d be...well I’d never say “happy”. Not sure what I’d say. “Less unhappy than your usual self” is a possibility, I guess.

Anyway, I wanted to take a moment while I’m not focused on everything else to thank you. I understand you have very little use for my gratitude, or anyone else’s, but please hear me out just the same.

While you have pushed me toward working too much and keeping my future in mind all the time—even when I’d rather not think along those lines—I have a big milestone coming up and you’re one of the many reasons I’m going to achieve it.

When I attended my first State of the Art astrology conference back in 2014, I was definitely feeling like a poser. I knew some astrology, sure, and I had been studying on my own for some time. But that was my first real exposure to professional astrologers. And I aspired to be one of them; not a fly by night astrologer who just sort of vomits up whatever comes to mind in a chart, but doing them in a very Saturnian way: Lots of practice, preparation of each individual chart, and then the serious delivery. I know I can’t reach the mastery level of astrology without my 10,000 hours of study, so over the past nearly 10 years I’ve put my efforts in that direction."

Jupiter: Wow. 10,000 hours to become an expert in something? Who knew? I mean...

Saturn: [holds up a hand] Likely I'm the only one of the planets who knew that, Jupiter. My influence can be powerful. Now stop interrupting!

"Now, after three years of astrology schooling, I’m ready to receive my certificate. It’s all review from here on out...the new material is over in class. A decent percentage of my classmates that I started with won’t finish, but thanks to you and your drive to learn my lessons well and truly, I will graduate.

I can feel good about the huge accomplishment and all of the sacrifices it took to get me here. The financial commitments—tuition, materials, books, and trips to school—were part of it. But I’ve spent the vast majority of my Monday nights for nearly three years in three hours of school and learning these lessons. Then there are all the evenings I spent studying with other private instructors, which I’m still doing.

I’m paying forward the generosity of others by mentoring as many astrologers as I can by spending time with them to help them grow. I feel a Saturn obligation to do right by them as others have done for me. You would be proud of all of them, dear sir; if I’m lucky, all of them will go on to become astrologers in their own right and help others. That alone will be thanks enough.

Before you ask, I don't have any mentees that favor you. Sorry, Old Man."

[Jupiter stifles a few giggles, as Saturn sends a "DO YOU MIND?" look his way.]

"As much as I don’t want to admit it most days, I show much more of your influence than other planets. And while you are overly serious, I do understand and appreciate the positive impact you have had on me. I hope every one of my undertakings makes you proud to call me one of your own.

This is one more milestone, and I am aware that the learning will never end, until the day when I must bow to you. Speaking personally, I hope that day doesn’t come for quite a while. My certificate is only the beginning of what I hope will be an amazing career for me for many years to come.

Very truly yours,

John

PS: I won about $400 off of the Kronos slot machine! Your Greek incarnation is a lot more generous than you are. And tell Jupiter the Zeus machine just took our money. What's up with THAT?"

Jupiter: Wow! Even you will have to admit that this is incredibly thoughtful. And I give that man credit for putting up with you all these years. [chuckles]

Saturn: This visit is at an end, Jupiter. Please close the door on your way out.