Birthday Greetings from Saturn

Dear John,

I decided to go with an individual birthday message this year. Last year's didn't go as well as I'd hoped, mainly because Neptune's delivery lacks the dignity and respect that you deserve as one of my people.

This has been an enlightening year. You have grown in wisdom, and you seem to be earning more titles all the time, which I'm always in favor of.

In the spirit of continued self-improvement, I offer a few suggestions to ponder as you celebrate 42 years. You'll want to do something about your schedule; it seems rather unpredictable at times. Boredom is healthy and necessary, you know, and you could definitely use some more of it. While it's good that you have the desire to be creative, I've never really seen the point of it myself. Besides, you don't really have time; Mercury is on the fritz as usual and it's the perfect opportunity to tackle that project. A report did reach me, however, that gave me pause. How are we supposed to edit without a computer? I assume that you will resolve this situation forthwith.

I understand you were extremely upset about the recent government shutdown, and that you continue to deal with its financial effects for the short-term. I'm sorry that happened; I hoped it wouldn't. But you worked for no pay for nearly three weeks, and for that, you have my respect. If the people responsible had just followed my example and shown any sense of fiscal responsibility, there would have been no need for this situation. But luckily, it's all over now, and hopefully there will be no repeat.

In any event, I wish you a happy and healthy year, and hope you will continue to be the serious, driven, hardworking indvidual I know you are.

Yours truly,

Saturn