Jupiter: PARTY PEOPLE! Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP for my Archers? It's that time of year again baby! Everything is awesome!
Saturn: Hello everyone. For those of you who missed our intro, you actually haven't, since my counterpart decided not to give our scheduled preamble.
Jupiter: Oh come on, Old Man! Can't you live a little? Oh wait...what am I saying? Of course you can't! I was getting around to the intro though...
Saturn: [clears throat] John realizes that he has a responsibility to all of you and as such has decided to produce another blog. It's about time, if you ask me. He's been derelict in his duty to all of you. At least that's what I think.
Jupiter: What my very serious and sober colleague--and for those of you playing at home, we mean that literally and figuratively--is trying yet failing to say is that John's been out of the loop for a while and wanted to check back in. There's been a lot going on.
Saturn: Indeed there has. John has once again taken on the responsibility of National Novel Writing Month, and similar to last year, his performance is lacking. He will not be finishing, as usual. But that would at least give you a partial explanation for his absence. Just a huge waste of time, if you ask me, and yet John stubbornly persists. I do give him credit for determination, though. If only he could take the effort he has given to Fallout 4 and direct it toward more worthy endeavors.
Jupiter: Well, while Negative Ned over here can focus on John's "deferred success" in Nanowrimo, let's talk about John's studies at the Midwest School of Astrology. He's learning a ton and really enjoying his teachers and his classmates. They realized he's not as serious as his astrological chart has made him out to be.
Saturn: Excellent that you brought up the school, Jupiter. John's learned a lot more about me, and the school believes that no planets are bad. Clearly that's a message he needs to hear repeatedly.
Jupiter: Look, Old Man, how can you blame the guy? You just opposed his natal Saturn position. He struggled with it most of the year. You should know better than anyone that time heals many things.
Saturn: Well said, Jupiter. One point for you. Don't get used to it, though. John also continued his pursuit of his career goals and personal business by attending SOTA in Buffalo, New York, last month. Once again, the presenters really helped me put my best foot forward. But don't think I didn't hear about the moans and groans from certain audience members when I was mentioned. [shakes head sadly] Even in a room full of astrologers, some folks never learn.
Jupiter: And John learned a ton about a number of other topics as well. His presentation went well, and he hopes to have done well enough to be asked back again next year. Now, on to more current matters...
Saturn: Uh, Jupiter, we covered everything John asked us to discuss.
Jupiter: Well, not exactly. Your briefing book for this blog was missing a section that mine has, I suspect.
Saturn: Was that an oversight?
Jupiter: I'm sure that it was. [smiles]
Saturn: [pause] Go on.
Jupiter: John's asked me to discuss how to purchase astrological charts for the holidays! You know you want to!
Saturn: Wait just one minute! It was my understanding there would be no marketing in this piece!
Jupiter: Sorry, dude, You should know the drill by now.
Saturn: I understand the desire for business growth and development but if a business has a great reputation then it shouldn't need to advertise, right?
Jupiter: Au contraire, mon frere. It's always good to let people know what you're doing.
Saturn: [SIGH] That oversight was likely a deliberate attempt to fool me into doing this blog. Just get on with it.
Jupiter: Jolly good! Natal charts and solar returns make great gifts for the holiday season. If you want one or both, let John know. He needs the date, place, and time of your birth to get an accurate chart, so don't leave any out. And get him all that information by December 1 to give him enough time for holiday gift giving. There you go, Saturn. Painless, right? [ruffles Saturn's hair]
Saturn: [glowering] I don't see the point of repeating my earlier statement, Jupiter. [fixes hair]
Jupiter: Well, I do...so to recap...holy shit! Is that that time? I've gotta get out of here...got a party to go to! I'm sure you can finish up here, right? [Jupiter leaves]
Saturn: I don't really think I have a choice, now, do I? [Looks in the direction that Jupiter left and shakes his head] As you may have noticed, things in the world have become rather turbulent in the last half of 2015, and it's important to take stock of the incredible amount we have in our lives. So in between parties and presents, please take the opportunity to treasure those you hold dear. Also, Small Business Saturday is November 28, so please take the opportunity to help them grow through your patronage. Finally, may the blessings of the holiday season be upon you.