Saturday, December 5, 2015

Jupiter vs. Saturn: Jupiter Promises, But Saturn Pays

Saturn: Welcome, old friend! Thanks for coming.

Jupiter: Sure, Old Man. You know I'll never turn down an invitation. Has Neptune arrived yet?

Saturn: Yup. He's in the other room beginning his yearly bender.

Jupiter: You mean his weekly bender, right? We're talking about the same planet here...

Saturn: I was trying to be more discrete than that, Jove, but your point is well taken. 

Jupiter: Of course. The soul of discretion you are! But it was awfully nice of you to invite us over! You hosting a party is out of character for you.

Saturn: Usually yes, but I wanted to have a little good cheer. You and I kind of share the holiday season so I think it's important for us to get together and remember that. Having the others here is an added bonus. 

Jupiter: Definitely. [looks at side table] Why are there cell phones all over the table?

Saturn: The theme this year is "Old Time Yule", and so I've asked everyone to leave their phones here for the duration of the party. People don't seem to talk anymore, and I don't want to advertise this event on social media.

Jupiter: Well, I've already checked in on Facebook and Foursquare, but I'm happy to leave my phone here for the merriment. [turns phone off and places it on the table]

Saturn: I should have put my intentions on the invitation. But I guess since I don't do any of that it shouldn't really affect me.

Jupiter: I see from the table that Venus and Mars are here. That "Hello Kitty" case is a dead giveaway, and as usual, Mars needs his screen replaced. 

Saturn: Correct. [looks down at Jupiter's phone case] And what is "Vault-Tec"? Your phone case says it some sort of company?

Jupiter: Yes, Old Man. It's a fictional company from a video game that I enjoy called "Fallout 4". Pluto actually recommended it.

Saturn: Sounds like Pluto all right. And that's funny...I swear I saw a business article about that game, I think. It appears to be selling well, right?

Jupiter: Yes, it is. They're making tons of money on it. And it's a great adventure experience. And speaking of Pluto, he's here...there's his fallout shelter-themed case. You can see it coming a mile away with that orange traffic cone color.

Saturn: At least he won't be losing it anytime soon. So while you're here I have a serious question to ask.

Jupiter: I'm all ears, Old Man, and aren't all your questions serious?

Saturn: One point for you, Jupiter. [smile] John called me the other day to say that he accepts me. I'm not sure how to take that.

Jupiter: You should be thrilled! He's learning something from you.

Saturn: I must admit that while I don't like the way other people treat me sometimes, his past ire with me is not undeserved. There's one goal he's been working on for over seven years now that he hasn't yet achieved, and I know I delay things. I've thrown tons of roadblocks in his way and he gets tired of it. But clearly he's not ready for that yet, despite his insistence. Your opinion would be welcomed.

Jupiter: Have you heard the phrase, "Jupiter promises, but Saturn pays"?

Saturn: No! That must be a new astrological aphorism. And it's brilliant.

Jupiter: I agree, and it's true. I wish I could remember who said it. At any rate, I spend my life telling people to reach for the stars, to do and be more, to expand, to explore. But other than the occasional lucky break, my promises are only fulfilled because of you.

Saturn: I lost you there, Jupiter. What do you mean?

Jupiter: I can promise luck and good fortune, but only through hard work will it be sustained. You reward hard work as people like John push against those very obstacles. If not for them, any promises I make would be empty. And I'll be the first to admit that many of them are. You remember what happened to Marylin Monroe when she had her 3rd Jupiter return, right?

Saturn: Yeah. Her ego expanded too far, and she became a diva. Then they fired her.

Jupiter: Yup. She expanded too far and your influence stepped in to correct it. Did she learn from that experience? Well, no one can really say. But that was a seminal moment in her life. She could have used that setback as a springboard for the future. Ideally, John will do that, too, and ultimately, you will "pay off". But it's not easy. 

Saturn: I never thought of it that way. He and I have a very complicated relationship. To be fair, I'm the simple one...he's changed, but I haven't.

Jupiter: Calling yourself simple isn't a compliment, Saturn...

Saturn: I guess that's true. Then I'll say John is a complex individual. Will that work?

Jupiter: Indeed it will. So does that make you feel better?

Saturn: Definitely. Thank you as always for your wise counsel. 

Jupiter: Absolutely, old friend. Happy to do it! I hope the food isn't old, though...

Saturn: No, it's fresh, though clearly I didn't buy enough hot wings...Pluto has already devoured those.

Jupiter: Fucking little bastard! I have no idea where he puts it!!

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