Saturn Vs. Neptune Redux: They Meet

Neptune:  Hey there, Old Man!

Saturn: Well, well, well…if it isn’t the “Great Deceiver” himself! Or is it…herself?

N: I can be whatever you want me to be, Saturn.

S: See, that right there is your problem. You’re unpredictable. How can you get anywhere in life being one thing and then just all of a sudden change to being something else? No one can count on you if you’re all…well, you know…

N: What?

S: Well, unstable… and unreliable…and…uncontrolled. How can you be like that?

N: It’s who I am. I’ll admit that “Great Deceiver” is a title I have definitely earned—anyone who has been drunk will tell you that—but we can discuss my true essence another time. I know you’re on a tight schedule and I didn’t call before I showed up…but do you have a few moments?  I’m here to talk about John.

S: Certainly! I’m so proud of him. His emotions are under control, he’s absolutely rock-solid reliable, and people know what to expect from him. He’s a productive member of society, and of course, he has plenty of titles. Titles make the man, you know. It’s not too much of a stretch to say that I made him who he is.

N: You had better be sure that the Sun can’t hear you. He would be pissed at you for making a statement like that.

S: Since I rule the sign Capricorn, I AM the ruling planet of his astrological chart—he has Capricorn rising, if you forgot. And I have influence over his emotions, too. Moon in Capricorn, baby! He went through a phase in his youth when he dated Capricorn girls. He didn’t understand it at the time, but I was driving that bus. I was kind of disappointed when he didn’t marry a Goat girl, but Jen has Capricorn rising so I was still pretty excited. But I’m the cock of the walk for him.

N: And that is precisely what I wanted to talk to you about, Old Man. You like titles? Well, you are personally ensuring there is a title he will never get: Author.

S: I’m sorry about that. When it comes to John, Neptune, we’re opposed. We’re never going to agree on him. So I’m not sure what you expect me to do.

N: Actually, I’m going to ask you to do two things. I’ll even number them so your structured brain will understand them better.

S: You don’t need to be rude, Neptune. I’m listening.

N:  Great. Keep listening. Ready? 1) Shut up. 2) Step off.

S: OK, now you’re starting to make me a little irritated.

N: Hey, look everyone! Saturn’s having an EMOTION! He actually FELT something!

S: Come now…no need to point it out to everyone.  That makes me uncomfortable.

N: Good! Discomfort is good for the soul. It builds character.

S: I know plenty about discomfort. Have you seen a stable government in the Middle East recently? Re-establishing hierarchies is my specialty but all of them at once is a little much. Who do you think is going to have to clean up THAT mess? Uranus SHOULD be the one doing it…

N: I couldn’t care less, Old Man. Are you finished? Interrupt me again and I’ll make sure that I do something VERY uncomfortable with that ring of yours. We’ll only be able to see half of it. Or I could call Uranus over here and…well, you never KNOW what he’ll do. He’ll take great pleasure in it.  

[Saturn silently glowers at Neptune]

N: You follow directions very well.  Here’s my simple point: John’s going to write a book, and this time he’s going to FINISH one. He’s started a whole bunch that he stopped working on. And you’re the reason for it. Every time he starts, you decide it’s not good enough and that no one will want to read it. So you’re going to step the fuck off and let me have a little more influence over him.

S: I don’t know how to do that. I really don’t.

N: Don’t worry. John’s already helping me out by doing Neptunian things.  He just got back from a vacation of more than a week, the longest he’s had in YEARS. He didn’t feel obligated to do anything for anyone but himself. He even went out a number of times and had a few drinks just to let loose. And he didn’t think about work at all.

S: Yes, that was very unlike him.

N: And that is good. Perhaps not for you, but John had a great time. I need you to take a break for a while so he can imagine and create this book.

S: You’re crazy if you think I’m just leaving.

N: But that’s what you don’t get, Old Man. With you, everything is so FINAL. John’s going to need you to edit this book; that’s the part where you shine. But at the moment, he has no book because you’re around. He needs to CREATE it before you improve it. You dig?

S: I think so. You’re talking about a controlled, temporary departure, right?

N: Sure, Old Man.

S: So you’ll create and I’ll edit, right?

N: Right. And under no circumstances are you to raise your ugly head until John writes this book. If that happens, I’ll sic both Pluto AND the Sun on your ass. Scorpio Sun is a real bitch.

S: I agree to this, but I don’t like it.

N: You don’t have to. Just do it.

S: OK. And maybe you’ll tell me about why everyone is so into Bourbon Street in New Orleans? I just don’t get it…

N: I'll try, Old Man, but I just don’t think you'll understand it…