Tuesday, February 2, 2016

On to Cincinnati: Postmortem

Sun: OK everyone, I've called this meeting to get information about John's astrology weekend. Jupiter, you can finish your story another time!

Jupiter: Yes, sir. 

Venus: I'd like to start, sir. 

Sun: Yes, Lady Venus. Please do.

Venus: From an enjoyment perspective, John had a wonderful time. He met many new friends--all of them women--and felt at home at the school.

Neptune: Next time there needs to be more drinking. 

Venus: Nep, I wasn't really done yet. 

Neptune: Shit. Sorry...go on.

Venus: Anyway, I know he's really excited for the April trip to the school for a classical astrology weekend. But I believe that's all I have.

Sun: Who's next?

Saturn: I'll go, sir. The weekend was well-structured. There was a little too much "social time" for my taste but I've come to accept that part of these functions is [looks at Uranus]..."networking".  And during the lessons nary a negative comment was cast in my direction! It's a shame this blog can't be more like the school. Anyway, was I a more vocal planet I might have said "Hooray!", but...well, you all know why I didn't.

Mars: Because you're a stodgy old bastard who wouldn't know a good time if it bit him on his sagging, wrinkled scrotum?

Saturn: Mars! That will do! 

Sun: You know better than to engender Saturnian disappointment, Mars. [frowns] 

Mars: [laughing] I'll go next, sir. John participated a lot in all the classroom exercises. He didn't hit the gym but I'll get on him to do that ASAP; he had so much going on this weekend that he didn't have time.

Mercury: Mars is right. John's schedule was packed. To make up for all the trouble he had getting there, I made sure there was no weather or traffic for the ride home. It was just as well that a tractor trailer blocked his way on the way there, because when John came back he realized how mountainous that route would have been and in the snow he never would have made it. Again, totally my fault...I didn't give him that information. 

Sun: Speaking of things that are your fault, I received a report this morning that one of John's classmates is sitting on the runway at the airport waiting to go on a business trip. Care to comment on that?

Mercury: Oh shit! Was that the mechanical problem that just came into my email? 

Sun: Yes, that's the one. I thought your storm was over, Merc. 

Mercury: It IS, sir. Really. 

Sun: That lady needs to get to LA! Take care of it, Merc. Now. You are dismissed. 

Mercury [standing up]: Yes, sir. I think that's all I had. 

Moon: Sir, if I may...

Sun: Of course, Luna. What did you find out?

Moon: The class bonded very well. There seems to be a real connection and a lot of nurturing. I was in Libra for the beginning of the weekend and that made it a lot easier. Everyone bonded quickly before I moved into Scorpio, and I'm glad because I can really be cranky there. 

Sun: Anyone else?

Pluto: World domination. 

Sun: I beg your pardon, Pluto?

Pluto: John brought up the theme of world domination when it came to me and my influence this weekend, and I just LOVED it. The instructor for the weekend was a Scorpio and one of his regular teachers sat in the back near him, and she's a Scorp too. So it may only be the one class, but it's a step on the way to world domination.

Jupiter: What would be the point of that, Pluto?

Pluto: Because then you could do whatever the fuck you wanted, and the first thing I'd do is nuke these meetings. No offense intended, sir, but there it is.

Sun: Pluto, if I got offended often I'd never get anything done. Anything else? Jove?

Jupiter: Just a great weekend overall, sir. It's nice to get away to a different city, and it's also wonderful to get someone else's "philosophy" on dealing with us, if you will. I am disappointed, however, that John didn't get to the casino that was 11 minutes from his hotel. 11 minutes, I tell you! He could've gone after dinner Saturday night...he got back to his room around 8:30!

Venus: Jupiter, he needed to sleep, not gamble. I'm sure it would have been fun, but likely he saved money by NOT going. Remember, "Jupiter promises..."

Jupiter: I know, I know..."and Saturn pays." But you can't win if you don't play.

Sun: We can talk about that idea another time, Jove. Besides, you're in retrograde in Virgo right now, so that's not the best time to be throwing the dice. Thanks for your report. Uranus? Surely you have something to add. 

Uranus: John learned an awful lot about me, considering I was the main focus of the weekend. And it was a great one! Lots of new, innovative things for John to look at and try in his own practice.

Sun: Fantastic. Sounds like the weekend was a success. Alibis? [silence] Well, thanks everyone for your attendance. Jupiter, I expect you'll be out for a bit?

Jupiter: Yes, sir. Heading for New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Neptune's going to be there with me...he's the REAL King of Mardi Gras. 

Sun: Well I would tell you two to stay out of trouble but I'm not naive enough to think that anything I say will get through. So go have a good time and try not to cause too many problems, OK?

Neptune: I was off in my own world, sir. What did you say?

Sun: [closes his Erin Condren planner, chuckling] Never mind, Nep. We're adjourned. 

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