Thursday, December 8, 2016

Meeting of the Astrological Minds: Solstice Decorating Party!

[Neptune knocks on Venus' door]

Venus: Neptune! Fashionably late as usual! Please come in. We're about to start on the tree.

Neptune:'s so great to see you! [hugs Venus] I look forward to parties at your house!

Venus: [blushes] Well, what could be better than celebrating the upcoming solstice together?

Pluto: [low voice] Laying waste to large groups of people. Razing buildings. Starting over. All of these things would be better.

Saturn: I'm sorry, Pluto...could you repeat that? I couldn't hear over all the frivolity.

Pluto: Never mind, Old Man. I hate enforced "team building" activities.

Sun: Oh, come on, Pluto! A little holiday cheer won't kill you. [to the Moon] Come on, Luna...we have to put the lights on first!

Moon: Of course, Sol. [takes one end of the string and hands the rest to the Sun] Go around the back and I'll make sure it doesn't get tangled like last year.

Uranus: No trips to the ER tonight, folks!

Mars: Unlike last year when you slipped on your way out the door and had a groin pull? I told you if you stretched more you wouldn't have been laid up for so long.

Uranus: It was an accident, Mars. Accidents happen.

Mercury: Statistically it happens more when you're around, Urnie. I checked! [Pause] Jupiter, you have the ornaments, right?

Jupiter: Yeah, I brought them.

Venus: Which ones did you bring, Jupiter? There was this amazing solar system ornament set from the IFLScience Store, and it had a glass ornament for each of us! Totally amazing but way out of my price range.

Saturn: I'd go so far as to say those ornaments were exorbitant, Venus, although I will say that they appear to be very high quality indeed.

Jupiter: Well it just so happens that I bought the usual balls and the like...

Mars: Did you bring any BLUE balls, Jupiter? HAHAHAHA!

Pluto: [low voice] Not like yours are, Chairman of Masturbatory Operations.

Jupiter: ...but I also happened to buy these as well! It's the solar system ornament set from the IFLScience Store!

Venus: Wow, Jupiter! This is an amazing gift! How did you afford it?

Jupiter: You only live once, Venus, and I make it a point not to look at my credit card bill online until after the holidaze.

[Saturn shakes head]

Sun: Wow, Jupiter. [picks up the sun ornament] These are amazing and gorgeous! I think mine will have to be on the front of the tree toward the top.

Moon: Mine will be on the opposite side of the tree, Sol. And we need everyone's attention for a moment!

[talking and activity ceases]

Moon: Sol, would you do the honors? [hands light string plug to the Sun]

Sun: Absolutely, dear lady. Here goes! [plugs in the lights and the tree turns a brilliant light blue color]
[Everyone oohs and aahs over lights]

Sun: Luna, why are they BLUE? I thought they were going to be multicolored.

Moon: There's a switch, Sol, and they CAN be multicolored, but I prefer a nice blue. Don't you?
Sun: Well, actually I...

Venus: [interrupts] It's lovely, Luna! Thanks so much! Let's head into the dining room, everyone! The first round of starters is coming out of the oven!

Mars: Hot dogs in crescent rolls, baby! The snack of champions!

[Everyone goes into the other room except Saturn and Pluto]

Saturn: You can't possibly hate being here as much as I do.

Pluto: You have no idea, you old bastard. If we weren't required to be here, I'd so be getting laid right now. [nods toward dining room] Now let's get in there before Mars the neanderthal sucks it all down.

Saturn: Check with Neptune. He always has alcohol, and that will make it easier to handle the obligatory festivities.

Pluto: Agreed.

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