Wednesday, November 23, 2016

When Your [Tarot] Mother Calls

[phone rings]

John: Hello?

The Empress: Hi John? This is the Empress calling. 

John: Well ummm...hi there! I didn't expect that anyone from the tarot would be calling me, especially tonight. 

The Empress: You've been really busy reading cards recently, John, and I wanted a time when we could chat without being rushed. 

John: I'm afraid I'm not prepared for a discussion, Empress, but I'll do the best I can. 

The Empress: [laughing] So serious? This isn't a conversation you need to prepare for. I'm just checking in on you.

John: That's very kind of you. I'm doing OK, I think. It's been a busy fall, but otherwise I'm hanging in there. You?

The Empress: Oh you know, the usual...being a maternal figure, babies, the Feminine Divine. All in a day's work!

John: Any Thanksgiving plans? 

The Empress: Oh of course! We'll be having a number of people over. The Fool is usually late, but once he gets here he has a great time. I never know whether or not the Moon is coming, though sometimes get an intuitive sense. And if the Tower happens to show up, well...that's why I have an entire second set of dishes, cups, and flatware. 

John: That's a lot of work! Do you invite all 21 of your colleagues?

The Empress: Yes, I do. I love taking care of people, even if it's only for a little while. But while we're on the subject...

John: The subject of...what?

The Empress: Taking care of other people. 

John: I'm actually pretty decent at that. 

The Empress: Look at you, running off at the ego, young man! It's kind of endearing sometimes, though. I'm actually thinking of all the people--women especially--who take care of you. You owe them a debt of gratitude, you know.

John: Of course I do!

The Empress: Well, one of the reasons I came was to make sure you didn't forget them on this Thanksgiving.

John: I hadn't gotten around to that yet. 

The Empress: It's fine, John. I'm happy to help you with it now.

John: I wasn't aware that I needed help, Empress. I've got this all under control.

The Empress: Now, please don't take this the wrong way--you are a sensitive young man, after all--but you need to know how blessed you are. You have quite a number of women in your life looking out for you. I think it's adorable that you call the main four in your life your "Queens" and give them each a suit. That's pretty amazing. 

John: I wanted them to know how much they mean to me, starting with the be-all and the end-all, my wife, my beloved Queen of Pentacles. How she hasn't grown tired of me yet I will never understand. But she blesses me each day, as do the Queens of Wands, Swords, and Cups. A person couldn't ask for a nicer chosen family than that, Empress. 

The Empress: And if my information is correct, you have quite a list of women in your life over and above those four ladies. 

John: Yes, I do. It just so happens that  the vast majority of my friends are women, too.

The Empress [pulls out a sheet of paper]: And quite a number of them are Venus-ruled ladies, right? I'm seeing a few Tauruses and Libras. You are very lucky indeed! I was sorry to hear about your grandmother Marion; she showed her Taurus patience and determination dealing with you as a kid!

John: Agreed. [pause] Empress, I mean no disrespect, but this is getting sort of pedantic. I said how blessed I was to have so many amazing women as a part of my life, and I try to tell them regularly how important they are to me. What more would you have me do?

The Empress: [smiles] I think you've done enough for now, John, except you do need to make sure you FaceTime your mother and your mother-in-law tomorrow. No woman left behind, young man!

John: [SIGH] Yes, ma'am. I promise to do that. 

The Empress: Thank you, John. By the way, you told people in another blog that your cat Josephine got that name because she was your "Empress". That nickname pleased me greatly. 

John: Yes, she sure was. I loved that cat with all my heart. And I adore my little girl cat, little Pele.

The Empress: Well, anyway...I should let you go. I want to make sure the Emperor doesn't mess up the turkey. 

John: He's so would he mess it up?

The Empress: You know him, John. If it says "cook for X minutes per pound, he'll cook it for exactly that amount and no more, even if it needs more. I love that man but he's just so damn...structured. As such, I'll check on the bird before retiring. 

John: Thanks so much for your call. Very nice of you to check on me. When the number came up I was afraid...

The Empress: Yes? Afraid of what?

John: I was afraid that The Fool was going to show up and tell me to await the visits of three spirits. 

The Empress: [laughs] No...likely the Devil would do that, and since it's not Thanksgiving yet technically, you won't get that call for a few weeks. But I'm sure it's coming. 

John: [eye roll] I look forward to it.

The Empress: [chuckles] Be nice, John. And have a very happy Thanksgiving. You have a lot more to be thankful for than most people, and with so many powerful women in your life and lots of creature comforts, I figured I'd come down to make sure you didn't screw this up.

John: Thanks for calling. Good night, Empress. 

The Empress: Good night, John. And I'm supposed to tell you to work on the next tarot book.

John: Good night, Empress! [hangs up] 

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