Welcoming The Solstice...and a New Teammate!

The Centaur Chiron Instructing Achilles by Louis Jean

[at a local Brazilian steakhouse]

Sun: Welcome, everyone! I’m so glad you could join us for this Solstice celebration! And it’s a great day for me as I have the least amount of work to do. 

[dutiful laughter around the table]

Mars: Dude, where’s the meat? You promised!

Venus: [to Mars] Umm, manners?

Mars: Fine! [to the Sun] Sir, my bad, but I’m fuckin’ starving!

Sun: [chuckles] It’s OK, Mars. I’m hungry, too. [pause] I just wanted to take a moment to recognize all of your hard work this year. Thank you very much. 

Moon: Agreed. The meal tonight comes from this year’s swearing fund, with the vast majority coming from our potty-mouthed leader. 

Sun: [shocked] LUNA! Really?

[genuine laughter from everyone]

Moon: Yes, sir. Really. [to all] So please eat your fill and enjoy!

Jupiter: And the drinks are on you, right, Nep?

Neptune: Well, I was hoping someone else would pay, but I wouldn't say no to an adult beverage or seven.

Jupiter: [laughs] What else is new?

Sun: That’s an excellent question, Jupiter. Speaking of new things, I have one other important announcement to make. 

Mercury: Sir, does it have anything to do with the empty chair over here?

Sun: Very astute of you, Mercury, as usual. Indeed it does. I’ve asked a special guest to join us tonight. 

[Chiron walks through the door and sits down]

Sun: Everyone, this is Chiron. We’ve been hearing about him for the past few years and I've asked him to join our team. 

Moon: Please be sure to give him a warm welcome!

Sun: He’s been getting a lot more play in the astrological world even though he’s fairly new to it. I don’t want to steal his thunder, though. [gestures to Chiron] Would you like to say a few words?

Chiron: Thank you, sir. [pause] I’m grateful for your invitation to this amazing event and appreciate you welcoming me to your celebration. I’m hoping to contribute an outsider’s perspective on the team and make even more efficient and effective. 

[heads nodding in approval]

Saturn: Sir, I welcome our new teammate with all sincerity, but I’m surprised that we weren’t consulted, at least as a courtesy. 

Sun: I understand, Saturn, and I take full responsibility for this leadership decision.

Jupiter: Come on, Old Man! Expansion can be a good thing!

Saturn: That remains to be seen, and I’m skeptical by nature. 

Venus: I’m very pleased to meet you, Chiron, and look forward to getting to know you!

[Chiron nods]

Sun: You will have plenty to talk about over dinner, I’m sure. [looks up at the doorway] And I see the unending parade of meat I promised will now begin!

Mars: FUCK YEAH! Time for the MEAT SWEATS!

Pluto: Oh fuck me. [to Neptune] Which way is the bar?

Neptune: Out in the main area near the salad bar, I think. 

Pluto: Good. Let’s get to it. [aloud over the ambient noise in the room] Sir, are we on our own at the bar tonight?

Sun: Sadly, yes, Pluto. 

Pluto: [to Neptune] Fuck. We’ll have to go to plan B. 

Neptune: What is plan B?

Pluto: This is. [opens his hand and shows Saturn’s American Express card]

Neptune: [mouth agape] Dude, I don’t know how you did that, and I didn't think anyone actually uses American Express anymore. 

Pluto: Why? Do you care? Because I don't. 

Neptune: Well, sort of...it seems kind of selfish to make Saturn pay…maybe we can pay him back when we get our yearly bonuses or something?

Pluto: [hesitates] Uhhhh, sure, Nep. I’ll definitely talk to him about it when he gets his bill.