Thursday, June 12, 2014

The Witch Doctor Who Felled a Soccer Idol

Ok, so many of you who read this blog are NOT soccer fans, while those of us who are...well, we're pretty excited because the World Cup began today! 

If soccer's not your thing, please don't leave! I promise to make it worth your while. 

This article from The Guardian was not something that came across my personal radar. I was too busy reading the articles about world cup teams who are being required to abstain from sex during the Cup tournament. (No, this last article was not from the Onion. SERIOUSLY. Click the link and be prepared to laugh your ass off! And this is not the only article on this topic. You're welcome!)

Anyway, a friend at work (thanks Rita!) sent me a great article about witch doctor from Ghana who claims responsibility for the knee problems of Cristiano Ronaldo, an extremely talented soccer player. Ronaldo, the witch doctor alleges, will have problems that "no doctor can cure" and may prevent him from playing in one of the sporting world's most prestigious competitions. 

What makes this more interesting is that Ghana also has a team in the World Cup, and that Ghana is playing in the same opening group as the United States, Germany, and Portugal, the team that Ronaldo plays for. That group is one of the toughest in the tournament, called the "Group of Death". 

So essentially, what we're saying is that the aforementioned Ghanian witch doctor, whose name translates as "Devil of Wednesday", cursed a very talented player on a team that could cause Ghana problems in this tournament. 

I'll admit here that I don't know what religion or spiritual path this witch doctor practices. If he was Wiccan or a Witch, I could tell you that he'd karmically get his ass kicked. If you deliberately cause harm to another person, that's horrible, but then to do it because of a soccer game? I don't care that this is the world's biggest soccer stage. In the end, it's still a fucking game, people. And this is what you turn your energy toward, really? (For the record, some other spiritual paths are OK with this sort of magickal work.)

Of course, this is assuming that the witch doctor's claims are true, that he really did "curse" Ronaldo. As I've said before, hexes and curses are real, but do you know how many times people wish for bad things to happen to others when they want their team to win? As a Patriots fan, I'm sure that lots of our opponents would hope Tom Brady would get knocked out of a game so their team would have a better chance of winning. It's not meant maliciously per se but when you want your team to win, people do some crazy things. 

So do I really think that some Ghanian witch doctor caused one of the world's most talented soccer players to have knee problems? Likely not. It's like my other posts on curses. I'm guessing Ronaldo is going to try to rehab his knee, assuming that there are physical causes for it and not metaphysical ones. But I'll be interested to see if Ronaldo plays in the Cup, and if so, how he does. Of course, it may or may not help Ghana, who is a good team in their own right. 

If you think this blog sucked because you're not a soccer fan, my sincere apologies. Please blame Rita. If this was some of the best writing I've ever done, I'll thank her for inspiring me with this article. 

And if you couldn't care less about the World Cup, at least go read the articles about teams who think their players will perform better abstaining from sexual activity. It will just amuse you to no end that people care about sports that much that they want to control the sex lives of their players. 

I'll just say this: You can bet your ass that if someone gets laid and goes out and has the game of their life, they're going to re-think that strategy. 

And wouldn't "Devil of Monday" sound a lot more menacing? Everybody hates Mondays...maybe that guy's curse would have had Ronaldo's leg fall off instead. Just sayin'. 


  1. I know NOTHING about soccer but I don't mind the blog at all, of course pics of yummy soccer guys would be nice cause now I have to go look up this Ronaldo is pretty cause then i'll need to send him reiki to counter the curse (yep I'm that shallow LMAO)

    1. LOL, Timothy! Just google his name. I am sure you will find pix galore. :)