Good Clergy Starts and Ends With Good Human Beings

I was saddened to read this news story in the Washington Post about an Episcopal bishop in Maryland who hit and killed a cyclist in Baltimore last weekend. Part of the title of an associated story really hit home for me: "Who's qualified to be clergy?"

With the understanding that we only have what's been reported in the media so far to go on, here's what we know about the driver of the automobile, Rev. Heather Elizabeth Cook, the 2nd in command or "suffragan" of the Episcopal Church in Maryland. 

• Rev. Cook was arrested in 2010 for DUI while assigned to Maryland's Eastern Shore. According to reports, she was so drunk she couldn't even complete field sobriety tests and had thrown up on herself when pulled over driving a car that was rolling on three wheels and one tire rim. She admitted drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana before getting behind the wheel. Her blood alcohol was .27, three times MD's .08 limit. (I remember learning in school that .25 is the point at which people become unconscious from drinking, so she must have been extremely impaired!) . She received "probation before judgment" and completed her probation. 

• She was placed on the short list for suffragan with four other women. While church leaders were aware of the 2010 incident, the larger group voting to install her as a bishop were unaware of it. Ultimately, she was selected this past spring after undergoing a psychological evaluation and background check. 

• Rev. Cook struck cyclist Thomas Palermo, 41, and left the scene, only to return "20 minutes" later. Unconfirmed reports on cyclist Web sites say that the only reason Cook returned to the scene was because she was being chased by cyclists. Palermo died. 

• Cook was placed on administrative leave, and the Diocese admits that she was involved in the accident, but no charges have been filed at this time. There is no mention of alcohol or drug involvement in this crash. 

This is a tough one. It's very easy to say "They never should have picked her for the job with her DUI," but I'm not sure that's realistic. Should that one mistake ensure that you rise no higher in your profession, despite your excellent qualifications? DUI is nothing to be trifled with. But Rev. Cook admitted her guilt and received punishment, whether you agree that it was too lenient or not. 

I will say, however, that there should have been full disclosure about her previous arrest so people could judge her fairly. Now it looks like the church was hiding something when likely they didn't mean to, but if I had been part of the convention that voted for the suffragan position, I'd ask what prompted church leaders to omit those details. Press reports indicate the leaders determined that "this one mistake shouldn't bar her as leader", but you do a disservice to your flock by not being up front about it.

Every person is different and every case is different. Based on what I've read, if I had been told about her arrest I don't think I'd have voted for her if other candidates were just as qualified. With that said, I don't think that the arrest alone should have prevented her from helping lead her church. We are all humans and have lapses in judgment, and unless there was a greater pattern of alcohol or drug abuse that the church discovered about Rev. Cook and did nothing to remedy, I don't think a reasonable person could have expected this.

What bothered me more than anything in this case was the apparent lack of compassion on the bishop's part. As I've said many times, spiritual leaders should be held to a higher standard, but to me, to just leave someone there dying after you hit them without trying to help is completely unconscionable. That's not even basic human decency, much less what we expect of a spiritual leader. It takes on an even greater significance when this person is not just any leader, but the #2 in the church in Maryland. What does it look like then?

My Scorpio senses are really heightened on this one. Why would you choose to leave a person there when you didn't know how injured they were, and with a heavily damaged windshield, as it said in the report? I'd expect a spiritual leader to stop and do everything they could to help that person, whether they were the one who hit them or not. She should have been on the phone to 911 immediately to get EMS rolling, even if it appeared the cyclist had suffered fatal injuries. (Full disclosure: I don't know that she didn't call 911; that wasn't included in the report, but I'd have thought if she had done something the Post would have included it.)

You know what? That last paragraph was incorrect. The third sentence should have read, "I'd expect any decent human being to stop and do everything they could to help that person." Hell, these days we all have cell phones and we routinely call in traffic accidents and aggressive drivers. Even people who don't normally call in accidents and other road incidents likely would have been moved to see a cyclist on the ground in need of medical treatment to call 911 or get out and see if the person was OK.

I'll be very interested to see what happens. I'll take a moment to repeat that we don't have the whole story on this one, but if it turns out that Rev. Cook hit this cyclist and left the scene without intervening in some way, she should go to jail for vehicular manslaughter and be removed from her position. If evidence comes to light that she was somehow impaired, the book needs to be thrown at her.

My thoughts and prayers go out to Thomas Palermo's family, especially his wife and two young children, as well as to Rev. Cook and the Episcopal Church of MD. This is an ugly situation and only with a strong faith and a desire to heal will they get through it.

As you go out this New Years' Eve, please party responsibly and be aware and safe. You don't want to be the next statistic. And let's be honest...I don't want to lose any readers. :)

2014: A Retrospective

So it's that time again. The holidaze are almost over. The presents have been purchased and given, or at least mostly, and everyone is taking the time to look back over another year. With Saturn likely enjoying his season at home and Jupiter probably recovering from his, I thought I'd take a quiet moment in a crowded sports bar to share some thoughts with you. 

First and foremost, if you're reading this, you're very lucky. Now don't get me wrong...not because I'm the greatest writer in the world. But if you have any device that can read this message, you're much better off than so many people. I think the tragedy for many charities is that they focus on this time of year, but people are in need year round. But the simple fact is that you're very fortunate. Sure, we'd all like more money, less stress, and more time to do the things we like, but having an attitude of gratitude is vital for us all. 

I know lots of people this year who have had more than their share of misfortune. Dealing with failing marriages, aging parents, and not being able to find work are the reality that many of us have faced. For me, I saw more of it than I personally experienced, which is good for me...but I hate watching people around me suffer. It can make you feel powerless. Sometimes the only thing you can do is be a good listener and try to help someone lighten their load, even if it's just for a little while. 

Also, how many times this year have you said, "If [INSERT PERSON HERE] would just do what I tell them to do..."? You need to be careful starting a sentence that way. Sometimes the last thing that people need to hear when they're in crisis mode, or anytime, actually, is unsolicited advice. If you're asked for your opinion, please fire away. But I think we focus too much on how we would choose to solve other people's problems. Unless your life is in really good shape your time would likely be more productively spent taking care of your own challenges. I've found that people want to "help" others deal with their problems as an escape, to avoid dealing with their own shit. This is not a trap that you want to fall into. I call it the "Mother Hen" syndrome, but both men and women are guilty of it. 

I feel like I've learned a lot this year, but I've struggled, too. I had my share of days when the world seemed like it was conspiring against me. I think back in March I had my biggest struggles with our fiasco of a move and everything that went with it. I think that probably had to be my "low", and luckily my beloved bride and my friends helped me get through it. In some ways 2014 was the Year of the Rant. I felt like I always could find something to scream about. Hopefully that trend will end in a few days. 

I'm hoping for the next year to make astrology a bigger part of my day to day life. I got a reading from a psychic that was extremely revealing, and that was one of her pieces of wisdom.

This coming fall, I'm planning to enroll in the Midwest School of Astrology to supplement my lessons with my astrology mentor. This school is set up just like a college...1 class a week for three hours, September to June, for three years. The scary fact is that my MA in French wasn't even that long. Anyway, it appears to be an intense program that comes highly recommended. This Scorpio is so ready for it. Once it's done, I will be able to sit for the ISAR, an international board certification in astrology, which will be vital to my future work as an astrologer. I've been thinking about this for a few years and it's time to do it. 

Closer to home, my students at the Tradition of the Witches Circle have had over four months off but in a few weeks it will be time to go back to work for ToWC 301. I'll be happy to be back in the classroom as well. 

I noticed I didn't do as many blog posts this year as last year. Consistency with this activity has never been a strong suit of mine. Unless a great news story catches my eye I try to do it a few times a month. 

One story that I didn't blog about is the guy who was told to take down his zombie natvity scene. I felt like this guy was being unfairly targeted, that if he had had a "traditional" creche the authorities would have left him alone. Not sure about that one, but I'll be following it into the new year to see if there are any developments. I can understand that people would be upset by this, just like people in Haverhill, MA, were upset when someone replaced the baby Jesus with a pig's head in a nativity scene there. But in the case of the zombie creche, that one was on his own property. SPOILER ALERT: He runs a haunted house, folks. You don't think he wanted any attention, do you? How does it feel to fuel someone else's business with your outrage? Oh well. Even if he has to take it down, he'll be laughing all the way to the bank next fall. 

Anyway, my New England Patriots have put in their backup quarterback and have given up this game, since they're already in the playoffs. That's my cue to end this entry. 

Thanks as always for reading my stuff. I'm always humbled and honored when people say they took the time to read what I've written. It's not Shakespeare but at least it's mine. :)

Best wishes for you and yours for 2015. 

There is No "War on Christmas" For Me

Merry Christmas to all!

It seems like this time of year is when we start hearing in the media about the "war on Christmas", and frankly, I'm kind of sick of it.

I can understand people thinking that the religious/spiritual meaning has gone out of Christmas. For many people it's about spending money and making money. And there's nothing wrong with either of those two things; everyone has different ideas about what they get out of the holiday. But I can understand people being upset about that. 

With that said, it isn't what we're talking about, really. The distinct impression I get when I hear about the "war on Christmas" is that people are upset that people of other faiths are starting to push back against the idea that we're not all Christians, and that many of us do not celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday. 

One of the manifestations of this phenomenon is the idea that you can somehow offend people with "Merry Christmas!" Since you don't know what faith everyone is, you can't necessarily greet them appropriately for their spiritual path. And what about atheists? Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro comic, has two atheists greeting each other with "Happy Nothing!", which I found hilarious. But I digress. 

If someone wishes me "Merry Christmas", I take that as "I hope you have a great holiday, whichever one it is you celebrate at this time of year." I find it makes me feel good and doesn't piss people off, and I know deep down that people are wishing me well. Not everyone knows I'm a witch and I don't feel the need to advertise it, so I don't correct people and say, "No...it's 'Blessed Yule'!"

(For the record, more and more people are recognizing Wicca/Witchcraft, so I often get messages from friends wishing me well for the solstices and the other holidays. I'm always extremely impressed and grateful!)

Other than the whole "Merry Christmas" thing, I'm not sure what the "war" is about. If you mean that people should be able to put up nativity scenes and other faiths should be able to construct and publicly display symbols of their faith, I'm all for it. Everyone, from Wiccans to atheists to Satanists and every other group, should be able to put up displays at public buildings. Or no group should be allowed to do so. That's only fair. 

I think that many Christians are starting to get nervous that their faith is losing ground in the United States. I'm not sure why that would make people upset; your faith is your faith no matter how many people practice it. What other people say doesn't affect what you believe, does it? Christianity is one of the world's strongest and largest faiths, so I'm not sure how others expressing their religious beliefs threatens them. 

If you really believe there's a "war on Christmas", then perhaps you should look within and ask yourself why other people wanting to express their beliefs has a negative impact on your own.  To push this idea forward smacks of intolerance, which is just unacceptable.

My Christmas wish for us all is acceptance. If you can accept that the beliefs of others have nothing to do with you; and that when someone wishes you well, even if it's not of your personal spiritual path, you can accept it as a kind wish, you're already in good shape for 2015.

Best wishes for a prosperous, peaceful, and healthy 2015. 

Solstice Interview with Saturn

John: Hello everyone, and blessed Yule to you! Saturn has been asking me for a while now to interview him on the show, since I did it for Jupiter a while back. This seemed like the perfect time for it, so I'd like to welcome Saturn back to the blog. 

Saturn: John, it's a pleasure. Well, it was more of a pleasure before, when you were one of my preferred people, but I've noticed that since you started this blog my reputation has taken a hit. So I'm glad to be able to explain my function more clearly. You tend to, shall we say, distort my image a little bit. 

John: Oh REALLY? What a fascinating observation from the "greater malefic".

Saturn: Now, now...that's pretty rude. If you're referring to that archiac archetype, they don't call me that anymore. That was hundreds of years ago. 

John: Well, would you like to tell my readers where that idea came from?

Saturn: It's because people don't like me. They never have. I impose limits; I force people to discipline themselves; I don't deal with fantasy or the way humans want things to be. I just AM. 

John: Well, while I'm still in my infancy in my astrological studies, I'd say those ancient astrologers were on to something. You're sitting in my 5th house, the house of excitement and fun. Did you know how BORING a child I was? How closed off? Would you like to guess what planet is sitting in it? That would be YOU. 

Saturn: I was there. You weren't boring; you were thoughtful and responsible. You weren't out causing trouble like people with strong benefic planets, having illicit sex, doing drugs, or just plain old acting like a spoiled brat. Which would you have preferred?

John: I'd have preferred a little more balance. Since you and Jupiter and Neptune don't get along in my chart, it took me a lot longer to find that. 

Saturn: Big lesson, wasn't it? I was responsible for it. You're welcome. 

John: Oh no, Old Man. If anyone is taking credit for that, it's me! You just made it harder. 

Saturn: And maybe it wouldn't have been as valuable for you if it hadn't. 

John: Should I tell them about the Grim Reaper?

Saturn: Once again, a chronic misrepresentation of what I do. Yes, people see me as the Grim Reaper. There are images of me with a scythe and people get carried away. 

John: But you said it yourself. You impose limits, right? Like our life span? And our health? 

Saturn: Yes. Nothing lasts forever. And things tend to get better for people as they get older. But when the time comes, eventually all of you bow to my will. But there are more of you who see 3 Saturn returns, and at 30 years a pop, that's pretty good, I'd say. 

John: What about depression? Don't you contribute to it?

Saturn: Yes, I do. I think you humans make too much of that. Some people were meant to be melancholy all the time. Acceptance of that limitation of happiness or contentment is a noble thing. 

John: Unfortunately, we call that a chemical imbalance. And you don't know much about us at ALL if you consider suffering with constant unhappiness noble. That's truly an asshole thing to say. 

Saturn: You've picked up a few habits from planets not named Saturn, I see. You demean yourself when you talk that way. And you're so much more intelligent than that but yet you tend toward lowest common denominator expressions. 

John: You are doing nothing but reinforcing the idea in everyone's mind that the "greater malefic" still lives. 

Saturn: Look, I do my job and I do it well. I'd love for people to love me like they do Jupiter and Venus. But they don't. Some good PR was the reason I came on your blog today, but you did exactly what most of you do: you're always looking at the negative.

John: Well, the way it sounds you don't have many positive qualities at all. 

Saturn: Depends on your perspective. I'm great at long-term goals that require work and sacrifice. I'm really good at boundaries. People want to be too nice. If you're nice all the time you become a doormat. And I'm fantastic at editing because I take out what is unncessary. 

John: As my astrology teacher says, "Saturn takes prisoners." You damage every other planet you come into contact with in a chart. Generally speaking your job is to remind people that they're getting older and will someday succumb to our health "limitations" by dying. Do you THINK that people want to get to know you? I can answer that one--"NO." 

Saturn: Honestly, John, most people don't have the stomach to get to know me. No, I am not a happy go lucky planet. I don't bring love, good luck, or peace. I don't help you think clearly and I don't provide motivation. But I'd like to at least get the respect that I am due for my role. It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it. I've been around a long time and people haven't liked me since my astrological role was discovered. I was hoping that the magic of blogging and social media might help people "get" me a little more. 

John: Well, Saturn, in addition to everything else, you usher in a time of year when the earth is dead, so I think that's going to be a stretch. But I respect your desire to try to explain yourself to people. Maybe people will try to respect you a little more if you can stop harrassing other planets trying to just do their jobs. 

Book Review: The Witches' Almanac, Issue 24, Spring 2015-2016

The Witches’ Almanac, Issue 34
The Witches’ Almanac, LTD
$12.95

I have many old copies of The Witches’ Almanac from past years, back when they were done in paper without glossy covers. This should give you an idea about how useful they are, and this edition is certainly no exception.

The theme of this particular issue is “Fire, the Transformer”, and many of the articles deal with “fiery” topics. If you’re working with fire in your magickal practice, this is definitely not an edition you will want to miss.

Similar to other almanacs, there is very useful information in here for your magickal edification that would make it a useful purchase even with that information alone, such as holidays, moon cycles, and horoscopes for the coming year. But as usual there is so much more.

I was thrilled by the amount of astrology articles in this edition. I don’t recall seeing as many in the past, or perhaps I just wasn’t looking for them. But one of the best articles in this edition for me is the one about the “galactic center” in astrology, from approximately 25-29 degrees of Sagittarius. This is an important area of an astrological chart, and you should definitely check and see if you have any planets in that area. They will take on an added significance in your life, as their energy is being chewed up and recycled. What liked was that the article gave a nice introduction to the concept of the galactic center, and gave some planetary transits over that point in the next year.

I also enjoyed the article on the planetary days and hours, especially since it gave a calculation so you can figure out which planet is ruling a given hour in a day or night where you are. Certain computer programs will calculate this for you, but I’m totally excited to try it by hand!

For fire-themed articles, I definitely enjoyed the one on fireflies, a nice look at some of the legends of fireflies and how to attract them to your outdoor spaces. Who knew that having lights on in your house will interfere with their breeding?

Two page-long articles also attracted my attention. One was quotations from various people about fire, which includes, “Fire is the most tolerable third party,“ by Thoreau. The second was a short article on the Devil card in the tarot, which did a great job encapsulating some of the major themes and imagery on the card. Since the Devil is not a card you want to see come up in a reading, it’s important to know what it means when he does.

Finally, another short article that crossed my mind is on cardinals. They’re a bird I have always loved, and I’m guessing I’m not alone since seven American states have chosen them as the state bird, more than any other.

If you’re looking for lengthy articles, this isn’t the place, but The Witches’ Almanac shows consistently that an article doesn’t need to be wordy to be meaningful.

Apologies

Please accept my apologies for the last two blogs. Once again, I tried to make those planets in my chart work together. Both Neptune and Jupiter have oppositions to Saturn for me, and I find that writing about them helps me balance their energies in my own life. 

First things first: I didn't authorize Jupiter to be anywhere near this blog for the reasons you saw and many more. Don't get me wrong...he's an amazing guy to hang out with but he does get really carried away. When he knew he'd be going up against Saturn of course he lost his mind. Getting those two to get along in my own life is a pain. 

I think it may be best here to give you an example or two. Jupiter rules expansion...and he's in a very strong position in my chart, in his rulership in Sagittarius (a sign he rules). His energy flows easily in me. Jupiter is expansion on a physical level; I've never been a small man, and Jupiter loves to eat too much. Saturn is Jupiter's foil and deals with self-discipline. When I channel him, I lose weight very easily and feel bad about eating anything bad for me. Sometimes I don't eat enough when I'm with Saturn, which doesn't help my overall diet anyway. So my weight very much depends on whose energy I happen to be working with more.

Personality-wise, you've heard about Silent John. He's a Saturn construct for sure. He's about as much of an old curmudgeon as you can get. He doesn't want to be around people and he doesn't want to interact with them. Jupiter is the opposite. He's outgoing and very friendly...sometimes too friendly. He wants to be around others and, while not as much of an attention hog as the Sun, he's the teacher of the astrological planets, so he wants to lead groups and share his knowledge. When I channel Saturn in the classroom, think of the most strict teacher you've had, and that's him in a nutshell; he's not mean but he's a hardass, a real tough bastard who gives away nothing for free. He came in really handy when I was teaching high school. At the Tradition of the Witches Circle, I'm learning how to rein him in. 

And that, dear readers, is what life is about: Taking the hand you're dealt astrologically and making it work in your life for your benefit and success. Sure, I'd rather these planets be best buddies, but that's not going to happen and it's kind of good that it doesn't. In charts where the planets get along easily, there is less tension but people tend to be lazier. I guess I'll take the tension and try to work through the nonsense. 

Anyway, I'd like to take a moment to wish you well this time of year, no matter what holiday(s) you choose to celebrate. I'd also like to take a moment to remind you that tarot readings and astrology charts make fantastic holiday gifts. While I have a long way to go to becoming the astrological expert I would like to be (Saturn), I'm happy to share the knowledge I have with you (Jupiter), or use my intuitive gifts to give you some insight (Neptune). Wow, it's almost as if I planned that... :)

To my clients and students, thank you for your trust and confidence. I am honored and humbled, and it is my pleasure to serve you!

Christmas Greeting Rebuttal from Neptune...and Jupiter?

Neptune: Hello everyone! Neptune here. John gave me the opportunity to write this blog, but since I'm sort of busy at the moment helping many of you deal with the holidaze through writing bad poetry and drinking, Jupiter offered to give me a hand in wishing you well. Take it away, good sir!

Jupiter: Thanks, Neptune! I'm thrilled to be here today!

What many people may not know is that in John's chart I am an even closer opposition to Saturn than you are, Neptune. So I've got even more reason to hate that [OFFENSIVE CONTENT DELETED BY BLOG AUTHOR] than Neptune does. Did he really think that was wishing you WELL? As far as I'm concerned, you can take that blog that Saturn wrote and [OFFENSIVE CONTENT INVOLVING THE LOWER DIGESTIVE TRACT DELETED BY BLOG AUTHOR].

Anyway, coming from someone who rules the sign we're currently transiting through--WHOOP WHOOP, ARCHERS!!!--I think this is the best time of year. People really let loose...they buy too much, they drink too much, and they eat too much. AND SO WHAT? If that [EXPLETIVE] ever even enjoyed life for a change, you never know what could happen. But no, Saturn's gotta sit up there like a [OFFENSIVE CONTENT DELETED BY BLOG AUTHOR] and judge everyone, like usual. Once the New Year comes around everyone can straighten up and fly right, and that's the way it's always been. (It's interesting that Saturn rules the ENTIRE MONTH where the most divorces occur, isn't it? There's a reason for that! No one can stand him!)

Nobody gives me credit for anything these days. I mean come the [EXPLETIVE] on! When good luck finds it's way to you, that's me at work, that great run at the craps table or that sweet promotion at the office. And I rule over partying and having a great time. Who wouldn't love being around me? Sure I have a spiritual side, that's true...and this time of year people embrace that, too. But I'm all about expansion. And when it comes to late November to the solstice, I'm all about expanding the fun. If I expand a few waistlines in the process...I'm not worried!

As far as John goes, don't listen to that [OFFENSIVE, DEMEANING CONTENT ABOUT SATURN DELETED]! You need to check out his tarot and astrology services for the holidaze! An astrological chart or solar return makes a great gift, as does a gift certificate for a tarot reading. He is extremely talented, and he's got Jupiter in Sagittarius--that's my RULERSHIP, BABY!--so he's very ambitious and is always learning more. No, he's not a Sag or Pisces, but he's a pretty amazing guy, for a Scorpio.

What are you still doing reading this blog? Get the [EXPLETIVE] out of here, [OFFENSIVE COMMENTARY ABOUT SATURN DELETED], and GO HAVE A GOOD TIME! YOLO, good people, YOLO! I'm OUT! [DROPS MIC].

Restrained Holiday Greetings from Saturn

Greetings of the season to all of you.

I'm thankful to John for giving me the opportunity to write this blog. Originally, Neptune and I were supposed to write it together, but of course, our views on the season are not, shall we say, compatible, despite John's many and varied attempts to have us work in harmony together. So John reluctantly agreed to allow me to pen this one on my own, provided I don't throw any invective Neptune's way. 

Speaking personally, I certainly expect that Neptune will likely have his say, and I expect John to ensure that he plays by the same rules as I am. To quote a famous movie and it's just as well, "That's all I have to say about that."

For his part, John been particularly lax about writing lately, and he's definitely put on some weight, but that's not because I haven't been reminding him to write, go to the gym, and eat less. Anyway, none of that is important right now. If John minds that I shared all that with you, I'll have to make my apologies to him. But I digress.

What is important at this time of year are the virtues that I instill, or try to, in all of you, but they become vital in this season of "merriment". I've never really seen the point of all this partying myself, but as a personal favor to me, I'd like you to make sure it doesn't get too out of control. So I'm asking this year for you to be particularly careful by abiding by the following rules.

1) Show self-restraint in all that you do, whether it be food, alcohol, or dress. An in-control person is a happy person.
2) Please act fiscally responsible. I know many of you overspend (Jupiter's influence, no doubt) and it's just not a smart idea to open up your credit card bills in January and realize what a huge mistake you've made. How about things that are well-made but less expensive this holiday season? If you're going to splurge a little bit, which I highly discourage, please buy from local small businesses.
3) Be modest in all things. Accept congratulations and greetings of the season with the appropriate decorum and respect.

There is a fourth point that John asked me to mention, but since it appears to be a distasteful attempt at shamelessly marketing his tarot and astrology services this holiday season, I feel I am duty-bound to ignore it. He doesn't seem to realize that his services, while entertaining and mildly interesting in a plebeian sort of way, foster a belief in the otherworldly, and many people would rather ask for guidance from stars or cards than use self-discipline to guide their lives. If people lived in blissful moderation in all things, instead of excess, they wouldn't need his services at all. This is the same man reading a book entitled "Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil"! IMAGINE! 

Actually, when it comes to astrology, John doesn't know half of what you think he does, so why would you consult him, anyway? [I expect this last statement to be censored in the final draft of this blog. I'll have to hit SEND before he sees it.]

Once again, I hope you will hear and follow my guidance toward self-restraint and modesty this holiday season, no matter whose holiday you choose to celebrate. You will thank me in January when it's time for the all-important New Years' resolutions.

Very truly yours,

Saturn

PS: Despite what some astrologers may say, like the one who runs this blog, I am not as much of a prick as everyone thinks I am. 

PPS: If you choose to celebrate Saturnalia, well...I hope you'll keep me in it. Thanks in advance for your support.