Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Christmas Greeting Rebuttal from Neptune...and Jupiter?

Neptune: Hello everyone! Neptune here. John gave me the opportunity to write this blog, but since I'm sort of busy at the moment helping many of you deal with the holidaze through writing bad poetry and drinking, Jupiter offered to give me a hand in wishing you well. Take it away, good sir!

Jupiter: Thanks, Neptune! I'm thrilled to be here today!

What many people may not know is that in John's chart I am an even closer opposition to Saturn than you are, Neptune. So I've got even more reason to hate that [OFFENSIVE CONTENT DELETED BY BLOG AUTHOR] than Neptune does. Did he really think that was wishing you WELL? As far as I'm concerned, you can take that blog that Saturn wrote and [OFFENSIVE CONTENT INVOLVING THE LOWER DIGESTIVE TRACT DELETED BY BLOG AUTHOR].

Anyway, coming from someone who rules the sign we're currently transiting through--WHOOP WHOOP, ARCHERS!!!--I think this is the best time of year. People really let loose...they buy too much, they drink too much, and they eat too much. AND SO WHAT? If that [EXPLETIVE] ever even enjoyed life for a change, you never know what could happen. But no, Saturn's gotta sit up there like a [OFFENSIVE CONTENT DELETED BY BLOG AUTHOR] and judge everyone, like usual. Once the New Year comes around everyone can straighten up and fly right, and that's the way it's always been. (It's interesting that Saturn rules the ENTIRE MONTH where the most divorces occur, isn't it? There's a reason for that! No one can stand him!)

Nobody gives me credit for anything these days. I mean come the [EXPLETIVE] on! When good luck finds it's way to you, that's me at work, that great run at the craps table or that sweet promotion at the office. And I rule over partying and having a great time. Who wouldn't love being around me? Sure I have a spiritual side, that's true...and this time of year people embrace that, too. But I'm all about expansion. And when it comes to late November to the solstice, I'm all about expanding the fun. If I expand a few waistlines in the process...I'm not worried!

As far as John goes, don't listen to that [OFFENSIVE, DEMEANING CONTENT ABOUT SATURN DELETED]! You need to check out his tarot and astrology services for the holidaze! An astrological chart or solar return makes a great gift, as does a gift certificate for a tarot reading. He is extremely talented, and he's got Jupiter in Sagittarius--that's my RULERSHIP, BABY!--so he's very ambitious and is always learning more. No, he's not a Sag or Pisces, but he's a pretty amazing guy, for a Scorpio.

What are you still doing reading this blog? Get the [EXPLETIVE] out of here, [OFFENSIVE COMMENTARY ABOUT SATURN DELETED], and GO HAVE A GOOD TIME! YOLO, good people, YOLO! I'm OUT! [DROPS MIC].

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