Saturn: John, it's a pleasure. Well, it was more of a pleasure before, when you were one of my preferred people, but I've noticed that since you started this blog my reputation has taken a hit. So I'm glad to be able to explain my function more clearly. You tend to, shall we say, distort my image a little bit.
John: Oh REALLY? What a fascinating observation from the "greater malefic".
Saturn: Now, now...that's pretty rude. If you're referring to that archiac archetype, they don't call me that anymore. That was hundreds of years ago.
John: Well, would you like to tell my readers where that idea came from?
Saturn: It's because people don't like me. They never have. I impose limits; I force people to discipline themselves; I don't deal with fantasy or the way humans want things to be. I just AM.
John: Well, while I'm still in my infancy in my astrological studies, I'd say those ancient astrologers were on to something. You're sitting in my 5th house, the house of excitement and fun. Did you know how BORING a child I was? How closed off? Would you like to guess what planet is sitting in it? That would be YOU.
Saturn: I was there. You weren't boring; you were thoughtful and responsible. You weren't out causing trouble like people with strong benefic planets, having illicit sex, doing drugs, or just plain old acting like a spoiled brat. Which would you have preferred?
John: I'd have preferred a little more balance. Since you and Jupiter and Neptune don't get along in my chart, it took me a lot longer to find that.
Saturn: Big lesson, wasn't it? I was responsible for it. You're welcome.
John: Oh no, Old Man. If anyone is taking credit for that, it's me! You just made it harder.
Saturn: And maybe it wouldn't have been as valuable for you if it hadn't.
John: Should I tell them about the Grim Reaper?
Saturn: Once again, a chronic misrepresentation of what I do. Yes, people see me as the Grim Reaper. There are images of me with a scythe and people get carried away.
John: But you said it yourself. You impose limits, right? Like our life span? And our health?
Saturn: Yes. Nothing lasts forever. And things tend to get better for people as they get older. But when the time comes, eventually all of you bow to my will. But there are more of you who see 3 Saturn returns, and at 30 years a pop, that's pretty good, I'd say.
John: What about depression? Don't you contribute to it?
Saturn: Yes, I do. I think you humans make too much of that. Some people were meant to be melancholy all the time. Acceptance of that limitation of happiness or contentment is a noble thing.
John: Unfortunately, we call that a chemical imbalance. And you don't know much about us at ALL if you consider suffering with constant unhappiness noble. That's truly an asshole thing to say.
Saturn: You've picked up a few habits from planets not named Saturn, I see. You demean yourself when you talk that way. And you're so much more intelligent than that but yet you tend toward lowest common denominator expressions.
John: You are doing nothing but reinforcing the idea in everyone's mind that the "greater malefic" still lives.
Saturn: Look, I do my job and I do it well. I'd love for people to love me like they do Jupiter and Venus. But they don't. Some good PR was the reason I came on your blog today, but you did exactly what most of you do: you're always looking at the negative.
John: Well, the way it sounds you don't have many positive qualities at all.
Saturn: Depends on your perspective. I'm great at long-term goals that require work and sacrifice. I'm really good at boundaries. People want to be too nice. If you're nice all the time you become a doormat. And I'm fantastic at editing because I take out what is unncessary.
John: As my astrology teacher says, "Saturn takes prisoners." You damage every other planet you come into contact with in a chart. Generally speaking your job is to remind people that they're getting older and will someday succumb to our health "limitations" by dying. Do you THINK that people want to get to know you? I can answer that one--"NO."
Saturn: Honestly, John, most people don't have the stomach to get to know me. No, I am not a happy go lucky planet. I don't bring love, good luck, or peace. I don't help you think clearly and I don't provide motivation. But I'd like to at least get the respect that I am due for my role. It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it. I've been around a long time and people haven't liked me since my astrological role was discovered. I was hoping that the magic of blogging and social media might help people "get" me a little more.
John: Well, Saturn, in addition to everything else, you usher in a time of year when the earth is dead, so I think that's going to be a stretch. But I respect your desire to try to explain yourself to people. Maybe people will try to respect you a little more if you can stop harrassing other planets trying to just do their jobs.