Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Meeting of the Astrological Minds: The Outer Planets Unite...Sort Of...

Uranus: Hi everyone! Thanks for coming. 

Neptune: Sure, man.

Pluto: Not even sure why I agreed to this. 

Uranus: Well, Pluto, sometimes we have to think of something larger than our individual interests.

Pluto: Why? What's wrong with killing shit with nukes and getting laid?

Neptune: Pluto, I think what Uranus is trying to say is that since the classical planets sometimes meet on their own, we should too.

Uranus: Nep, I didn't actually say that at all.

Neptune: Not with your words, but with your mind you did!

Pluto: Don't fuck with me, you two. I heard a Virgo astrologer over the weekend at this SOTA meeting called you "a lying fuck", Neptune, so don't bother denying it. 

Neptune: OK, fine. But that is not very poetically said...and it's not extremely creative either. At least "The Great Deceiver" has a little more flair. But in this case I had nothing to do with this meeting!

Uranus: Come on...pay attention! What I'm talking about is the situation in the sky. The other planets get all the attention, it seems, and I don't like it anymore. 

Pluto: Dude, are you whining?

Uranus: Maybe a little. But if you read any mythology at all, Saturn chopped my dick off a while back, so I have a right to whine, don't you think? 

Pluto: Must have missed that one. At least I got a cartoon character out of it. 

Neptune: What exactly are you suggesting, Urnie?

Uranus: I think we ought to rebel. 

Pluto: I think we have arrived at the reason why I came to this meeting. You want to fuck up some shit! 

Uranus: Yeah I do.

Pluto: I'm in! 

Neptune: Pluto! Urnie, trying to get along has always worked. You want to turn us into curmudgeons like Saturn?

Uranus: Of course not! But there was a ton of information about all of us during this conference. We're really important. So why aren't we in the public eye more? John barely writes about us at all, for example. This is probably the most I've ever gotten to say. 

Pluto: Talk is cheap, U. And John is my guy, so you fuck with him at your peril!

Neptune: Calm down, Pluto. Uranus was just using John as a metaphor, right?

Uranus: Um, Nep, not everything is a metaphor. Sometimes there isn't any subtext to what I am trying to express.

Neptune: Wait, what?

Uranus: I think people need to hear more from us. The other planets get their share of time so why shouldn't we?

Neptune: Sounds like it would take effort, and I don't think stirring up trouble is worth it. 

Uranus: It's totally worth it to me. We need to start doing more talking in meetings and making our voices heard. So Pluto's going to need to speak up.

Pluto: I'm not good at that. You saw what happened when I lost it. No one seemed to give a shit.

Uranus: That's why you need to do it: they still don't know what to make of you in meetings.  That's an advantage.

Pluto: Maybe you're right. [Pauses] Let me think about this. I need a little time.

Uranus: That's fine. Neptune?

Neptune: I'm not in favor. And I don't think I want to talk about this anymore...as far as I am concerned this meeting never happened.

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