Sunday, April 17, 2016

Venus vs. the Sun: Old School Chivalry

Moon: Good morning, Lady Venus. Go right in...he's ready for you. 

Venus: Thank you, ma'am. And how have you been doing?

Moon: Very well, thanks. Never being in one place too long is a good thing for me...and thankfully I never have to go retrograde!

Venus: I'll tell you what, Lady are SO RIGHT about that. [chuckles]

Sun: [calls out from office] If you ladies are about finished chatting...

Moon: [puts up her middle finger and effects a high-pitched, squeaky voice] Sorry to put your sacred schedule behind for 15 whole seconds, your Lordship!

[Venus stifles a laugh]

Sun:  'Your Lordship', huh? Which obscene gesture is she making, Venus...the jerking off motion or the traditional middle finger? 

Venus: I'll never tell, sir. [winks]

Moon: [smiles and winks] I'm sending her in now, your Lordship.

[Venus enters and shuts the door.]

Sun: Please sit, Venus.

Venus: Thank you, sir. [sits down]

Sun: So what's on your mind?

Venus: I wanted to talk to you about our last meeting, sir.

Sun: Yes? I thought it went fairly well, considering our past meetings.

Venus: I agree. But I'm here to talk about how you handled Mercury. And before you ask, no, he doesn't know I'm here. 

Sun: I'm not in the position of discussing the disposition of other planets, Venus.

Venus: I figured that, sir. But I didn't like the way the last meeting ended. I didn't feel like you needed to threaten him that way. Mercury shoots off his mouth; it's what he does.

Sun: Agreed. But between that and his phone obsession he had it coming. And his remark was extremely crude...

Venus: You're holding Mercury to a different standard, sir.

Sun: I'm not sure what you mean. 

Venus: You were upset by his use of the phrase "vag out", right? To represent the mighty Mars becoming more interested in what would traditionally be considered Venus-ruled activities during his retrograde?

Sun: Yes. 

Venus: Well, after you...made your exit, Pluto called Mercury a dick and nobody batted an eyelash. That's the same thing to me. Genitals are genitals, in my book.

Sun: Wait a minute. So you're telling me that Mercury's remark didn't bother you?

Venus: Nope. It surprised me and shocked me a bit, I'll admit...but it is a pretty clever turn of phrase. And Mars would probably have said something similar if I hadn't been coaching him before his retrograde not to say the first thing that pops into his head.

Sun: I'm very surprised you're not offended. 

Venus: You do a great job running these meetings and keeping us all on track, Lord Sun. But you have a bias.

Sun: I do?

Venus: You want to keep things "nice" for the ladies. While I appreciate the's not necessary. We are perfectly capable of standing up for ourselves and speaking. Unless you're telling me that Lady Moon isn't a force to be reckoned with?

Sun: Of course not! She's a veritable force of nature.

Venus: [smiles] That's wonderful. But I don't think you give us ladies enough credit. If we're offended, we'll stand up and say it. But we're stronger than we look, and if you're constantly trying to protect us...

Sun: ...then it sort of puts you in a subordinate position? Like you need protection.

Venus: Yes, sir. Exactly.

Sun: [Pauses] I never thought of it that way before, but I'm sure you're right. I'm not sure what to do now.

Venus: Can I offer a little advice?

Sun: Certainly. 

Venus: Treat us like you would anyone else. Don't worry about us needing protection. If we need something we'll ask. I find your attitude toward us very old school and it's exceptionally sweet, but times have changed, and the world moves on.

Sun: I promise to work on it, Venus. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. Now, could you pretty please with sugar on top get the fuck out of my office so I can get some work done? [smiles]

Venus: Of course, sir. Enjoy the day! [leaves office and leaves door open]

[Lady Moon gives two thumbs up as Venus passes. Venus raises her arms to the sky with a mouthed "Woo hoo!"]

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