Monday, May 2, 2016

John vs. The Sun: A Day of Reckoning

John: Good morning, Lady Moon. The Sun asked to see me?

Moon: Oh yes, John, I had a feeling you'd be coming in today. One moment, please. I'll let him know you're here. [picks up phone] Sir, he's here. [PAUSE] Yes, sir. I'll send him in. [hangs up] Go right in, young man. [smiles]

John: Thank you, Lady. You are as beautiful as you are mysterious. 

Moon: [blushes slightly] And your reputation as a charmer is well-known, as is your reputation for pissing off the greater malefic. I don't know which one impresses me more. [beams]

[Office door opens]

Sun: John! So good of you to come. I feared you had been waylaid! And judging by the Lady Moon's scarlet complexion, I'd say you were laying it on a bit thick.

Moon: Leave him alone, Sol. He knows how to take care of those who take care of him. [sly wink]

John: Sorry, sir. Your lady is rather distracting, I'll admit. But I meant no offense...

Sun: None taken, John. Men have been charmed by my Luna for centuries. But perhaps you can exchange pleasantries after we speak.

John: Where is my mind? I know how busy you are, sir...

Moon: Nonsense! With five planets retrograde we're just spinning in our orbits, aren't we, Sol?

Sun: My Luna speaks truly. [Gestures to the door] Do come in. 

John: Thank you, sir. [Enters and sits down. The Sun closes the door]. Wow...a cold diet Pepsi? You have done your homework, haven't you?

Sun: [beams] Yes, we've seen your file a time or two up here, young man.

John: I'll bet you have, sir. [opens can] So let's cut to the chase. Why am I here?

Sun: Well, word has reached me that you've made a rather large omission when teaching astrology in the past, and it's a significant breach of the Astrological Code of Conduct.

John: [laughs] What...did Saturn put you up to this? It sounds like something he would do.

Sun: this case, you can blame Mercury. And you hear what it is you'll see why I had to call you out.

John: [Puts on serious face] I'm listening.

Sun: You've been teaching people about astrology for some time and yet you have neglected to tell them about the most important astrological planet. 

John: I'm confused...I'm still a journeyman to be sure, Lord Sun, but I know my planets pretty well and I don't neglect any.

Sun: Then why am I not a part of your curriculum?

John: YOU? Well of course you are...when I talk about the sun signs, you're in there. You are the Sun, after all. 

Sun: That's not what I mean. Everyone talks about the "sun signs", but have you ever told people what my role is? Why I'm so important in a chart? Aside from the sun sign characteristics.

John: [ponders] Now that you mention it, I've never really talked about you separately, no.

Sun: Our research pointed in the same direction. That's a huge disappointment to me. Luckily, the malefics aren't here to witness it; the only other person besides the Moon and I that know is Mercury. 

John: Well, fuck. The last thing I need is the malefics getting upset, so I'm glad they're not around. Especially Saturn. 

Sun: Those problems would be minor compared to what would happen if I reported your conduct to the ACC Board. You would face official astrological sanctions, and those could be pretty nasty. 

John: I see. So what do I need to do to make this go away?

Sun: That's simple. You give me your assurances that when you teach astrology next time in a classroom setting--which, if I'm not mistaken, is later this week--I get at least as much time as the rest of the planets, separate from the signs. I'm quite sure I've earned that right. Then Lady Moon neglects to report my findings to the ACC. With all these planets retrograde, they will get lost...

John: I promise, Lord Sun, that I will not neglect you in my classes again. That's totally my fault. 

Sun: Thank you, young man. That will suffice to avoid any administrative unpleasantness. And now for the other reason I've called you up here...

John: Yes, sir?

Sun: The Moon and I are huge fans of your beloved's books. [places a stack of books on the desk]. Could you please have them signed by the author? Luna has been bugging me for months and we just haven't gotten around to it.

John: Certainly! To whom should they be autographed?

Sun: "To the Luminaries...the brightest stars in the heavens."

John: Of course. 

Sun: Thank you, John. And good luck with your next class this week!

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