Sun: Welcome back, everyone! I hope you're enjoying the summer. It's been a rough one so far, so let's get right to it. Mars?
Mars: I'm in the last degrees of Scorpio now, sir, and everyone knows that those degrees are either ruled by the Old Man, or by me. Not that I miss the miserable old fucker, because I don't...but when is he going direct again?
Sun: Mid-August, young man. But let's not change the subject. Can you explain the spike in violence we've seen?
Mars: I just said it, sir...these last degrees of Scorpio are a shit show for me. What the fuck do you expect? And Why not ask Pluto? He's a Scorpio ruler too. Why point the finger at me?
Pluto: Big muscle girly man over there can't take a little heat? HAHAHA! I'm stunned over here...really I am.
Sun: While this was another unsuccessful attempt to start yet another conflict, Mars...your point is well taken.
Pluto: And your actual point is...?
Sun: Do you have any explanation for all of this craziness, Pluto?
Pluto: I'm a do or die kind of planet, sir, but heavier on the "die", if you get my drift. I'm sitting in Cappie right now, so the Old Man is giving me fits. He's not even direct right now, but a lot of the angst is government/authority stuff. Typical Capricorn bullshit. So glad I'm not him.
Jupiter: Look, what I think what my colleagues fail to realize is that when anyone's takes an ideology too far, people can decide that violence is justified to further the ideas. I think that's where we are now. I wish we weren't there, but it is what it is.
Venus: I agree with Jupiter. People seem less willing to get along, and that's a bad thing. It's been a contentious year and I hope it smoothes out, and I'm trying to stay hopeful, but I don't expect it.
Mars: KICKASS! Bitches are riding with me, baby! They're handling conflict in a TOTALLY PRIMAL WAY...with metal weapons!
Mercury: Based on what's happening these days, that's not a statistic I'd be citing, Mars.
Mars: Come on, fact boy! In English, por favor?
Mercury: I know barbarian Neanderthals didn't exist, but if they did, Mars...
Mars: YEAH?? Go on, you little shit!
Mercury: [SIGH] It's not worth it. Why should I even bother with this vulgarian?
Sun: Actually, Mercury, you probably shouldn't. I'm figuring we should probably table this meeting until Saturn gets back. That way we won't have to repeat ourselves.
Moon: And speaking of repeating ourselves...
[The door opens, and Neptune walks in]
Neptune: Sorry I'm late, good people! What did I miss?
Mars: Oh, nothing, Nep...just the entire meeting, that's all! Moron!
Neptune: Damn, I'm sorry!
Sun: No need for pissiness, Mars. Luna, is there anything else that can't wait for Saturn's direct motion?
Moon: [pages through Erin Condren planner] Nothing that I can see, sir. And our startling lack of productivity ensures that there are no notes to share with you, Neptune. [BEAMS]
Sun: And with that, we're adjourned. See you in a few weeks. Thankfully, Mars, you'll be in Sag by then and perhaps in a less aggressive frame of mind.