Reporting from SOTA 2017

Sun: Good evening, everyone! I've called this meeting to get a report on the State of the Art (SOTA) Conference for 2017.

Moon: Sir, no one has had time to send in written documentation, so we'll have to go with verbal only reports. [Frowns] I'm guessing people had...other matters to attend to?

Sun: I'm sure you're right, Lady Moon. Verbal reports it is. Pluto, can we start with you?

Pluto: Well, there was a lot of lumping me in with the Hippie and Sir Breaks-A-Lot over there...

Saturn: Your astrological role is somewhat constricted, Pluto, due to your very long cycle. And you scare people. 

Pluto: You've got no right to say anything, saggy ass! People spend half their lives worrying about what you'll do next.

Neptune: It's OK, Pluto...we're all trying to inspire people. Saturn has to do it in his own way. And what does it matter if you're with Urnie and I?

Pluto: That's where you're wrong, you lying sack of shit! And I'm stunned you're actually HERE on time. Where's your mind right now? 

Saturn: Pluto, there's no need to cast aspersions. I was disappointed that Jessica Lanyadoo wasn't able to come, but Ellen Bourn definitely had the right idea about me. 

Uranus: It was an astrology conference. I was having a fantastic time. Donna van Toen once again captured my essence, as usual. And there was an excellent social media presence for the conference as well.

Neptune: Creativity was everywhere! Inspiration! And alcohol!

Sun: Uranus and Neptune, I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves. 

Uranus: MJ Patterson's presentation on genius in the astrological chart was also a big hit. She's not one of mine, but still...

Sun: She's one of mine, Urnie, and she's earned that honor. Great leader, too, if I may say so. Definitely on the rise. 

Moon: The latest information I have, sir, is that people felt comfortable together and really connected. 

Sun: That's important, Lady Moon. Mercury?

Mercury: That Gary Caton REALLY gets me. He totally seems to understand what I'm all about. Lots and lots of astrological communication all weekend. The air was filled with it!

Mars: I bet it pissed other people off to have all these weird people speaking in tongues. I mean, I'm all for passion but dude these people don't quit. I can barely get it, even when they're talking about me! At least most of the other people around were there for HOCKEY!

Saturn: They weren't talking about you much, Mars. When was the last time you heard someone talk about a Mars return?

Sun: People do talk about their Mars return, Saturn. And I doubt they dread it like many people do yours. And that's not a disparaging comment...it's just a fact.

Venus: Old Man, you do your job too well sometimes. 

Saturn: Perhaps, Lady Venus. Perhaps. But although I am reluctant to say it, I heard no one disparage me. 

Sun: You're very important, Saturn. All of you are. When is the conference over?

Mercury: Tomorrow are the post-conference sessions, sir, so many people went home today. 

Mars: What about our boy?

Saturn: By "our boy", Mars, you really mean my boy, John, right?

Mars: Earth to Mr. Geritol...you can remember all kinds of stupid shit but I'm his almuten, remember?

Sun: As weird as it is to say this, point taken, Mars. Merc?

Mercury: As I understand it, he presented today and the feedback we have is that it went well. Nothing on paper...we only have verbal reporting.

Saturn: [SIGH] Once again, he does that ridiculous thing with cards instead of spending his time doing astrology lectures. When will that boy learn?

Neptune: His work is divinely inspired, Saturn. Give the man time to blossom!

Mars: Yeah, dude. Where the fuck are you going? You got plenty of time! And did you see John in the gym? I was fucking thrilled he was there! Good on him!

Venus: John met a number of new people and renewed some friendships. He had a wonderful time, sir. 

Sun: Any word on his return home, Mercury?

Mercury: The latest I have is that he has an early morning tomorrow to drive home. He shouldn't face any challenging weather. 

Jupiter: You've said THAT before, Mr. Intel.

Mercury: I have a fantastic track record, Jupiter, and unlike you, I have real data, not propaganda. But sometimes information is incorrect. Nobody's perfect.

Moon: I know John misses his home and family, sir, so it's good that he's heading out tomorrow. I know he'll be a little sad to say goodbye to his friends, but hopefully he'll see them next year. 

Sun: Thanks, everyone. Any alibis?

[Mercury's phone goes off]

Sun: Mercury...what have I said about your phone? For the planet of memory I'm very surprised.

Mars: Maybe it's one of his bitches!

[Venus kicks Mars]

Mars: OW! Bitch that hurt!

Mercury: [shuts phone off] Sorry, sir. It won't happen again.

Saturn: [SIGH]

Sun: I think we're done here, folks. Thank you as always.