Jupiter vs. Saturn: Shameless Marketing and the Polite Lie

Jupiter: Good people, it is time for John's annual shameless marketing post here on Small Business Saturday! I'll be one of your co-hosts for this blog, and as you can see, the enthusiasm from my co-host, Saturn, is palpable as usual!

Saturn: Quite. Before we start, I have a question for you, Jupiter. 

Jupiter: Sure, Old Man. What's shakin'?

Saturn: First of all, stop using that plebeian dialect! You sound more and more like Mars all the time. People expect something more dignified from us. 

Jupiter: [sings] You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch...

Saturn: [frowns] Second of all, Venus told me you said you looked forward to working with me on this blog every year. Is that true?

Jupiter: [mouth open] She told you that?

Saturn: Yes, she did. [pause] Are you surprised?

Jupiter:  NO! [stammers] I mean...no, no, no. Of course I expected she would tell you that. 

Saturn: I find myself unconvinced. 

Jupiter: Yeah, well...[pauses]

Saturn: You've become so reticent all of a sudden.  Your silence deafens me. 

Jupiter: [pause] I don't really know how to tell you this. 

Saturn: Tell me what, Jupiter?

Jupiter: [sheepishly] So...Venus may have...ummm...deliberately made our conversation sound a lot more positive about our annual shameless marketing interaction than it actually was. 

Saturn: [nods] I understand. Go on.

Jupiter: Venus has this ability to...maybe that's not the right way to phrase it. [thinks] Venus sometimes enhances...shit, that's not it either. Ummmm, so you know how some planets can obscure...damn it!

Saturn: [small smile] I don't think I've ever seen you like this. Other planets might even think I was...amused, even though my annoyance rises. Could you get to the point?

Jupiter: OK, Old Man. She lies, OK? Venus lies. 

Saturn: It's not polite to call out another planet in this manner. What do you mean?

Jupiter: Venus is not a fan of discomfort, Saturn. She wants to make everyone happy. As such, sometimes she tells what some would call a "polite lie" when the truth might not be welcomed.

Saturn: I see. [pauses] So you don't like working with me?

Jupiter: You see, that's not it either!

Saturn: My tolerance for ambiguity is not my strong suit, Jupiter. 

Jupiter: Old friend, I don't HATE working with you at all. You're an...acquired taste, and I say that as a compliment. Venus knows that and so she probably used the polite lie to make you feel better about yourself in the short-term.

Saturn: So, it wasn't the truth at all, but it made me more tractable, right?

Jupiter: [sadly] Yes, that's possible. 

Saturn: When I asked Venus if she wanted to do this blog with me instead of you, she told me you were looking forward to working on it with me, so she couldn't take the opportunity from you.

Jupiter: Old friend, there may have been another motive as well. 

Saturn: [pauses] She didn't want to do it, so she made it up as misdirection so that she wouldn't have to refuse my request?

Jupiter: When you break it down that way, it sounds a lot more harsh, which wasn't her intent. But you're correct. [pause] Now you see what she was trying to do.

Saturn: [seriously] Yes, I understand. [pause] Everyone thinks that Venus is all love and light, that she's a perfect planet that everyone wants to be around. I don't think people see the side of her that can be downright insidious. 

Jupiter: We all have our faults. You have to be the disciplined one. You HAVE to tell humans the reality. You are driven to make people better. Venus' role is different. 

Saturn: Yes, it is at that. 

Jupiter: Believe it or not, sometimes humans prefer the polite lie even when they know the truth. The hospitality industry is practically based on it.

Saturn: [nods] Thanks for explaining it to me, Jupiter. You are many things, but I appreciate that you were honest with me. You've helped me to see things in a very different light. [pause] I'm no longer interested in working on this today, Jupiter. I need some space to handle this...disappointment. 

Jupiter: Sure, old friend. We'll do it another day. 

Venus and Saturn Discuss Boundaries During the Holidaze

Venus: Hello everyone! So glad you could join us!

Saturn: Venus, this is a really busy time of year, so we shouldn't keep people too long. 

Venus: Of course, Saturn. That's what I planned on. And of course Mercury being back in the office is an added bonus!

Saturn: In this time of exceptional Jupiterian frivolity, Venus has a very important message for all of you.

Venus: That's right, Saturn. And that's why I asked the Sun to assign this blog to us both.

Saturn: I wondered how I drew this one. Well, no matter. I will gladly do my duty as expected.

Venus: But you didn't ask me why I asked you to be here. 

Saturn: Does it matter?

Venus: [smiling] It does, actually. You're a very important part of everyone's holiday season.

Saturn: Yes, of course I am. So many obligatory events!

Venus: Yes, that's certainly part of it. But you can also help people cope with the hustle and bustle of the season, too. 

Saturn: I'm not sure what you mean, Venus. I will certainly help if I can...

Venus: [chuckles] You dear man. One of your best attributes is your ability to establish and maintain solid boundaries. That's an essential way for people to take care of themselves. 

Saturn: I didn't think of it that way. But you're right, I suppose.

Venus: Let me ask you a question. What's the most annoying thing to you about this time of year?

Saturn: Well, that's easy. That expansive bastard--

Venus: [holds hand up] Let me stop you right there. You're better than that. I'd like you to begin that sentence again. 

Saturn: [pauses] Sorry. My esteemed colleague, perhaps?

Venus: Better! Carry on.

Saturn: As I was saying, Jupiter stirs everyone to the heights of craziness with more and more food, drink, spending and activity. What if people just want to sit in their homes and enjoy a more restrained, private celebratory attitude?

Venus: Thank you for making my point, good sir!

Saturn: [confused] Again, dear lady, I must confess that I'm in the dark. 

Venus: You are well known for your ability to set boundaries and people can use that to their advantage this holiday season by simply saying "No."

Saturn: Hmmmmm. That sounds good on paper, Venus, but people must be prepared to withstand the withering criticism I receive on a day-to-day basis with people who do not understand my function in their lives. 

Venus: I understand what you're saying, Saturn, and you're right: Some people might be upset if a person says no to their event, but in the end, every person must choose to take care of themselves. It saddens me that more people do not understand THAT fundamental concept in humans. 

Saturn: In other words, refusal to participate in a particular activity or travel to a certain destination on a given day should not be taken as a personal affront.

Venus: Correct, Saturn. And for people to keep harmony in themselves, they have the right--no, the obligation, to speak in your terms--to say no to any event or occasion that will cause them stress, financial hardship, or unpleasantness. 

Saturn: That's a very cogent argument. And may I add perhaps a corollary to your statement?

Venus: I'd be pleased if you would.

Saturn: [clears throat] I postulate that those who choose to participate in events should be cognizant of their boundaries when interacting with others, especially given the quantity of intoxicants imbibed around this time of year. 

Venus: I couldn't have said it any better, Ancient One. May I summarize?

Saturn: I'm sure our audience would appreciate that, Venus. 

Venus: The bottom line, good people, is simple: Do as little or as much as you want this holiday season. Do not feel obligated to join in if the event threatens your mental health, finances, or peaceful state of mind. If you choose to interact with others, please mind your manners and be respectful, especially with those who are out of sorts or do not agree with you. Being nasty just isn't worth it. And taking care of yourself also means being responsible with your alcohol intake.

Saturn: That's very well said, Venus. Thank you. Perhaps you'd like to do the annual shameless marketing blog with me this year? It's coming out any minute now. 

Venus: No, I couldn't possibly. Jupiter looks forward to doing that with you every year!

Saturn: [mouth open] Really? That adventurous bastard can't seem to stay on script at all and it drives me nuts. Not to mention that I find pandering for revenue distasteful in the extreme. [pauses] Did he REALLY say he enjoys working with me?

Venus: Well, good people, we've kept you for too long. Enjoy the holidaze!

Sun and Moon: Surprise Secret Solstice Sojourner?

Moon: Wow, Sol. That was a close one!

Sun: Totally my fault, Luna. I just lost my head for a moment. 

Moon: Don’t tell me...Mercury retrograde?

Sun: [laughs] No, I wasn't planning on blaming him, even though it seems to be in vogue at the moment. 

Moon: Well, I hope nobody noticed it. In this case, Mercury would have picked it up so I’m glad he’s out on travel. And you got an unexpected assist from Venus. 

Sun: Yes, that was fortuitous! But...

Moon: Yes?

Sun: Now I’m second-guessing myself. 

Moon: [pause] You don’t think it’s a good idea to invite him to the party now. 

Sun: I’ve been re-thinking things a little bit. And no, not because it’s Mercury retrograde!

Moon: I know where you are. It’s always been just the 10 of us and now you’re adding an 11th. You’re not sure how they’re going to take it. Is that about right?

Sun: Yes, and I wonder how the dynamic will change. I know all these planets very well from our interactions over the years. This guy is a wild card. I want people to treat him with respect. 

Moon: And you want him to like you, too. Let’s not forget about that. 

Sun: Of course I do. You always want your people to like you, but more importantly, you need to be able to like THEM so you can advocate for their success. I don’t know how he will take to my leadership. 

Moon: Well, I suspect there will be some friction. There always is. Our malefic colleagues do tend to stir things up. But nothing that he won’t be able to handle, I’m sure. And as for you, I have every faith that you’ll handle him the right way day-to-day. 

Sun: You’re right, Luna. And I can’t do anything about how people react to him or how he will react to me in the long-term. One thing I can say: This will definitely be a holiday party to remember. 

Moon: Indeed, Sol. [pause] Perhaps we can introduce him to everyone before certain planets get down to the very serious drinking that will likely ensue?

Sun: As always, my dear Luna, you are one step ahead. 

Moon: [beams]

Meeting of the Astrological Minds: The Winter Solstice Party

Sun: Good afternoon, everyone! I hope everyone is enjoying the season so far?

Venus: Yes, sir! Definitely.

Sun: Glad to hear it! Gentlemen? What about you?

Saturn: Joy to the world is not really my cup of tea, sir. But once the solstice comes and my power is renewed I’m sure I’ll be more...

Jupiter: Don’t say ‘Jovial’, Old Man. We all know that isn’t you!

Saturn: I think you’re safe, Jupiter. That’s not a word that passes my lips.  Let’s go with ‘content’. If Mercury was here, I’m sure he would do a better job finding le mot juste.

Mars: Come on, you ancient fuck! Mercury is bad enough!

Sun: Mars, come now...

Saturn: [to Mars] Young man, you can disparage...wait just one moment, Mars. [to everyone] Mercury has been teaching me some language to better communicate with my colleagues for quite some time now. 

Venus: Oh, Saturn, that’s incredibly harmonious of you!

Saturn: Well, it’s mainly to reinforce the idea that even “old dogs” can learn new tricks. So let me try this. [Clears throat] 
[To Mars] DUDE GET OFF MY JOCK!  

Mars: I GET IT, YOU OLD BASTARD! [laughing]

Saturn: It seems my lessons are paying off. Excellent. 

Venus: [mouth dropping open] I’m...pleased that you’re learning to get along better with everyone, Saturn. [To Mars] Perhaps you could do the same, Mars? Since all you do is “win win win no matter what?”

Mars: [pauses] Ummmmm, yeah, Venus...about that...

Saturn: [to Sun] Sorry to have derailed you, sir. Let’s get back to our agenda.

Sun: Thank you! So you’ve had time to think about our yearly solstice party. What ideas do you have? And keep in mind the front office will be paying for most of it; our swearing fundraiser was exceptionally successful. 

Uranus: We’ve gotta shake things up, sir. How about one of those indoor skydiving places?

Mars: Dude, I’m so down!

Sun: I’m sorry, gentlemen, but one of the few stipulations for funding the event is that it does NOT require a waiver.

Mars: Fuck me. So there goes paintball and most of the fun shit. Another party that will be BOOOOOOOOORRRRRING!

Pluto: Good try, no-nads. 

Mars: How about an all you can eat shrimp buffet? Oh wait, that would be like cannibalism for you, Pluto!

Venus: [kicks Mars] How about we consider other options that all of us might enjoy?

Moon: I’m a fan of what we have been doing, but as long as we’re all in the same place, I’ll be happy with whatever. 

Neptune: I kind of agree with Lady Moon. I want something inspiring, though.

Jupiter: I don’t know that I’ve been to an inspiring holiday party before, but I think it’s something to shoot for.

Sun: I had an idea. Maybe we could get a private room at one of those Brazilian steakhouses? The food is good and we can just relax and not worry about the cleanup or someone having to clean their homes to accommodate all of us.

Moon: I like that suggestion, sir. Do you think they can accommodate all of us? 

Sun: Well there are only 10 of us, Lady Moon. They absolutely should be able to handle 10. 

Moon: We should probably make sure we have a little more room, in case we need the extra space. 

Sun: [looks confused and then brightens] Ah yes, that’s true. You never know what we might need extra room for.

Venus: Absolutely! Dancing maybe?

Sun: You never know! Mars, they will bring you non-stop meat on skewers!

Mars: America fuck yeah! I’m IN!

Moon: Does anyone have an objection?

[shaking heads around the table]

Sun: Well, it sounds like we have a winner. [to Lady Moon] Please make the reservations. [winks]

Moon: Yes, sir. I’ll take care of it immediately. Shall I see if the solstice itself is available?

Venus: That would be lovely, sir.

Saturn: Yes, sir. I agree. We can put Saturn back in Saturnalia where it belongs! 

Sun: Saturn’s comments notwithstanding, done and done. 

Neptune: And they have a bar, so...

Pluto: That’s where I’ll be.

Empowered Astrology Conference, March 26-29, 2020, Herndon, VA

One of the challenges of being an astrology student in the Washington, DC, metro area is that there aren't many opportunities for astrology conferences here. Let's face it: We live in a high-cost area and conference organizers are trying to keep prices down by holding events in cheaper regions.

The closest recent astrology conference was the National Council for Geocosmic Research (NCGR) 2019 Conference in Baltimore. Even then, it's a long way to drive there each day, and frankly, staying at a hotel at the Inner Harbor isn't cheap. The full conference could be as much as $500, too. 

So what's an astrology student to do?

If you're looking for a local DC conference that won't break the bank at $350, I'd strongly consider attending the Empowered Astrology Seminar, March 26-29, at the Hyatt-Regency Dulles in Herndon, VA. It's a four-day seminar run by astrologer Kathy Rose, a student of well-known astrologer Noel Tyl [TILL]. 

Kathy is an outstanding astrologer in her own right and presents regularly to astrology groups on the east coast and at both regional and national conferences. I met her last year at the SOTA conference and was impressed not only with the material she presented but also her teaching ability; she was by far one of the best presenters I've ever seen in my five years at that conference. You all know how important that is to me!

I attended the Seminar last year and really feel like I benefitted. I met tons of local astrologers and really got a thorough grounding in some of Tyl's techniques, which are simple on the surface but provide amazing results with clients. 

In addition, I felt like this conference was worth my time and money because:

• It's local--Herndon is within 45 minutes of many locations in northern Virginia and the District, and is easily accessible from Maryland.
• It's small--attendance is limited to only 50 people so it's a much more intimate experience than other conferences offered by other astrology organizations, so you get to know your fellow attendees and the presenters.
• Days are packed--While the first day starts just after noon, the other days are all full days. 
• Only one track--everyone attends the same sessions because there is only one session happening at a given time. At larger conferences, multiple tracks make it difficult to choose which individual lectures will be worth your time, or force you to purchase recordings of lectures, which may not always be of excellent quality. 

While meals are on your own dime, the seminar reserves a private room for the conference attendees to eat together. The conference provides menus and you can pick your lunch and/or dinner so it's ready for you at the appropriate time. It's very convenient. While it's not a requirement, I feel like I got a lot more out of the conference this way because I had the chance to network.

Most of you know that I don't shamelessly market anything other than myself, and that I wouldn't support any event that I did not completely believe in.

I'll be there in March and I'd love the opportunity to introduce you to Kathy and the rest of the attendees. Please consider attending and please let me know if you decide to join us. 

I hope see you in March! Tell Kathy that I sent you, too!