Thursday, August 13, 2015

Letters from Mars: An Apology Redux?


So this is a sorta good news-bad news thing. The good news is, you had your 20th anniversary. Fuck yeah! CONGRATS. The bad news is that well...I kinda fucked up your chances of getting a gift from us. Sorry dude.

I thought everything was chill...we were having a meeting. Jupiter and I were joking around, and then all of a sudden out of nowhere Pluto gets majorly pissed! Then he calls me a bully, I called him a shrimp, and then it sort of went downhill from there. Everyone was sort of getting in on it, and they were piling on, so I let them all have it! Motherfuckers should know better than to fuck with me...I never back down from a fight, you know? 

Anyway, it got real ugly, and Venus totally lost her shit and took over the meeting. I think I have seriously fucked up things with her, dude. I have never seen her so totally channeling ME was kind of scary, but what I didn't get to tell her was that it would have been TOTALLY AMAZING to watch if she hadn't been wanting to kick me in the balls and shit. That bitch was BADASS, but she's riding the retro train so I can totally dig it. It was still fucking cool. Kinda.

That was bad enough...but then I got called into the principal's office and the Sun totally chewed me out! That was no conversation...I wasn't doing any fucking talking there, let me tell you. I am seriously on the outs up here, man, so I need your help. He made me promise to say sorry to you, so here I am. Sorry dude.

So can you do me a solid and tell the Sun that we're good? I'm still supposed to call Pluto and try to get him to come back to meetings...Saturn said calling him "shrimpie"...which I don't even remember saying, to be honest..."crossed a line". BULLSHIT! I don't see the difference since he called me a bully. But I gotta swallow it and call him or the Sun will toast my happy ass. That's not going to be fun; Pluto has a ton of rage that you just don't see to look at him, know what I'm sayin'? I ain't afraid of nothin' but he scares the shit out of me on a GOOD day.

Anyway, sorry dude. I totally fucked up. You're one of my peeps, dude, so hopefully we can still hang out and shit.

Really fucking sorry,


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