Sun: Allright, everyone. Let's gets started. I've passed around the sign in sheet.
Venus: Where is Lady Moon, sir?
Sun: Unfortunately she won't be joining us today...her recent full Moon in Cancer during the holiday season was really debilitating for her. Apparently it brought up negative feelings in a lot of people on Christmas. When you combine Moon in Cancer with alcohol, families, and Christmas, it's a veritable fire keg. Just like the old Boston Garden: Any match in the wrong place and everything goes up. So I've asked Mercury to take the notes.
Mercury: Excited and happy to do it, sir! Was there an agenda for today?
Sun: Well, you're on it, actually, Merc. You're slowing down again, aren't you?
Mercury: I admit that I've lost a step or two, sir. But I should be OK to take notes.
Sun: Be that as it may, I'm going to ask Uranus to review them for accuracy once you're finished. We don't want to tax you too much pre-retrograde.
Mercury: Sure, sir. No worries.
Sun: Thanks. We have a few other retrogrades coming up. Jupiter, you're headed out for a while, is that right?
Jupiter: Yes, sir. It won't happen tomorrow but it should happen fairly soon. (opens Erin Condren planner) Looks like it should be at 23 Virgo on Saturday, January 9.
Sun: Going anyplace special?
Jupiter: Hell to the yeah! I think I'm going to hit Mardi Gras this year...it's been a few years and I really miss it.
Sun: Sounds good. Once we hit the spring, Mars is taking off, too, right?
Mars: Yes, sir! I'm totally stoked. But it's not close enough to start getting excited yet. That said, yeah, I'm retro this spring for a few months.
Sun: Indeed. So we've got a fairly tame winter coming up, all things considered. The first 6 months of 2015 were a total nightmare. [looks at his watch] This is my short time of year on the east coast, people, so is there anything else?
Venus: Is Lady Moon receiving visitors, sir?
Sun: Not right now. She's working through everything and needs some quiet time to herself. The translation of that statement is that she'll be trying to beat Candy Crush again and doesn't want anyone to know the extent of her addiction to it.
Venus: [chuckles] I'll just send her an e-card, sir. No problem.
Sun: I'm sure that would be appreciated. Anything else? Alibis?
Sun: Then we're adjourned.
Pluto [to Uranus] The Old Man didn't say anything? This has got to be our lucky day! [Saturn stands up and glares at Pluto, then leaves] He didn't hear me...he just doesn't like me. Jealousy is a tough thing to deal with, isn't it, you prick?