John: Come on, man. Pick up!
Mars: YO! Talk to me!
John: Mars? It's John!
Mars: Heyyyyyyy duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude! What's up?
John: Why don't you tell me? You texted me last night.
John: Your text message said "Duuuuuuude comin' 4 U Fryday". And I get the feeling it wasn't about potatoes.
Mars: OH YEAH! I did, didn't I? Well you know I'm getting hit this weekend.
John: [Pause] Getting what this weekend? Lit?
Mars: No, asshole! "Hit", not "lit". Neptune's lit all the time and that shit is NOT for me. Well maybe some Jaeger...blood of the deer! And maybe some tequila!
John: Wait a sec...I think I understand. The eclipse is hitting you in my personal chart...is that what you mean?
Mars: Fuck yeah! I was sitting at 24 Aquarius when you were born...and the eclipse is catching me on the flip side.
John: Yeah, I noticed. So how do you...behave when you "get hit"?
Mars: How the fuck should I know? You flabby wastes of space are all different.
John: You're not being altogether helpful.
Mars: Dude you talk like a weird combo of Merc and the Old Man! I just figured it out. WINNING!
John: [eyeroll] Fascinating. You, sir, are an insult even to cretins.
Mars: Oh, you're taking it? That's great!
John: Taking what?
Mars: Creatine! That shit is great for the body.
John: Oh for fuck's sake! That's so far removed from what I even said it may as well have been in old French. No, of course I'm not taking any supplements!
Mars: Dude, you will lose that spare tire in two shakes if you mainline it!
John: And damage my heart, liver, and kidneys in the process, right?
Mars: BULLSHIT! They've got nothing. Never hurt me at all. They're just haters.
John: You know this because of your Ph.D. in pharmacology from Harvard, I suppose? I'll take WebMD for $200, Alex. "This supplement could kill you if recommended by a caveman.""What is creatine?"
Mars: You're at it again, brainiac. Wanna speak fucking English now?
John: Fuck you, dickhead! I'll take my chances on Friday.
Mars: Huh. He sounded pissed. WHATEVER!