Interview with Mars, Part 4

John: Looks like you’re done with that box. Maybe teriyaki next? [hands Aries another container of wings] 

Mars: Keep this shit up, man, and I’ll talk about my bad self all fuckin’ day!

 

John: Quite. [consults iPad] You talked about Venus a little earlier. You get done what Venus sends you to do, right?

 

Mars: [rips open container] Yeah, so?

 

John: Can you talk about your role in romantic relationships?

 

Mars: Romance is Venus’ thing, man. But once we get to it, I’m your man.

 

John: Could you explain “get to it” for us?

 

Mars: You’re how old and I gotta explain this to you? Gettin’ it on! Bangin’! Boot knockin’! Makin’ the beast with two backs! I mean you are married…

 

John: Mars, do not even think about saying whatever it was you were going to say after that.

 

Mars: [confused] I missed all that but I’m guessing you were getting pissed off. You get what I’m saying, amirite?

 

John: Yes, you’re referring to physical intimacy.

 

Mars: Fuck yeah! DUH. Goin’ all the way! And don’t get offended…don’t you know an Aries person who said that the only reason to get married was regular sex?

 

John: Yes, that’s very true. That’s a perfect Aries statement, too. [consults iPad] So she’s in charge of the love department and you’re in charge of sex. Does that sound right?

 

Mars: Yup! I don’t try to do her job and she doesn’t try to do mine. We work together, that’s all!

 

John: There are people who don’t understand the difference. Can you give us your perspective?

 

Mars: [pause] I guess. What do you mean?

 

John: In your opinion, what’s the difference between your work and Venus’ in relationships?

 

Mars: [pauses to think] If you still like actually the person when you’re taking a break between rounds of sweaty between the sheets action, then that’s probably Venus. If you’re more concerned with getting them or yourself an Uber after it’s done, then it’s probably me you’re dealing with.

 

John: To summarize, you’re more of the animal instinct to mate and Venus is more of the emotional intimacy. Do you think that’s fair?

 

Mars: Sounds right, I guess. Why humans can’t figure it out is beyond me!

 

John: Venus is the relationship planet, but can you be the one to start a relationship?

 

Mars: Sure! I get things done! Venus usually is in charge of that but if it’s purely…testosterone then likely the “relationship” won’t last too long. But I do know some folks who have purely sexual relationships to meet their needs, and I’m good with that. Just don’t expect them to go anyplace or stick around for the long-haul!

 

John: Thanks. Need some more napkins? [picks up the pile of napkins]

 

Mars: Fuck yeah! And some wet wipes!