Here Comes the Sun...and I Say It's NOT Allright!

Dear Saturn,

I’ve been hearing a lot about you lately, and to be honest, I’m pretty unhappy with the information I’ve received. So I wanted to discuss it with you before it sprials any more out of control.

It’s come to my attention that you have been—well, shall we say, asked to take a vacation from your duties by an aspiring author named John whom you have favored in the past. I also understand that you are claiming credit for his life successes and for having much more influence over him than you should. I believe the statement was, “I’m the cock of the walk for him.”

I’m not one for sugarcoating the truth so hear me well, Saturn: You’re way out of line on this one. You call yourself controlled and responsible? How about controlling that ego of yours before you start criticizing others. Disciplined? You haven’t shown much of it recently in the way you’ve tried to control this client. And I’m not even going to address your remarks about the “gender” of other planets, or the fact that John's life partner is NOT a Capricorn woman, which are wholly unacceptable. In this day and age, Saturn, your conventional, traditional nature can sure get you into trouble if you can’t discipline that mouth of yours.

You may rule John’s chart, but I took a look and there’s a hell of a lot more going on than you. I hope you’ll allow me a little ego feed here. Did you see what house I’m sitting in here? It’s the 9th house. John is fantastic at languages, spent some time abroad, is an inspiring teacher, and is interested in spiritual and philosophical topics. Textbook interests for my placement. Do you know what else the 9th house rules? Publishing! You think that I’m just going to allow you to manipulate John to the point that he can’t achieve one of MY directives because of you?

Mark my words: He will write that book and he WILL get it published. I have Mercury in Scorpio sitting across the way in the 10th, assuring me that John’s career success lies in writing and speaking. He’s not happy at all with your behavior, either. You’re not making a lot of friends on this committee of planets, Old Man.

So where does that leave us? Well, I think it’s safe to say that I outrank you, and that since I am in Scorpio in John’s chart, I can choose at any time to use my stinger to make you extremely uncomfortable. I’ve spoken to John and while a Scorpio should NEVER show his weak underbelly, he’s got a soft spot for you, which is why I haven’t started stinging your stubborn ass. He asked me not to unless you get out of control. I leave it to him to tell me what is necessary. But I will NOT allow you to impede the progress of his literary career one second longer.

I hope you’re as good at following directions as John says you are. If you open your mouth before I transit into Libra you’re going to be up your ass in alligators.

Warmly (HAHAHAHA! Like that? Warmly! Sometimes I kill myself!),

The Sun

PS: You’re a brave man for betting on the Libyan Government in Uranus’ pool. Not even Mars was that brave!