Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Letters from Jupiter: The Mercury Storm is Upon Us...and Mercury Retrograde is Coming!

Hello everyone! By Jove...it's Jove, otherwise known as Jupiter! John's a little busy expanding his empire in "Cities: Skylines"...and I just LOVE expansion...so I figured I'd take over the pen for this installation of "As Mercury Retrogrades". Currently, John has 55K people in his simulated city and just put in an airport for them. Expansion is a beautiful thing, until you get the credit card bill. But let's let stodgier planets like Saturn worry about that, hmmm? (Saturn will be thrilled to know, however, that John's city is making serious money while investing responsibly in city services, which is, to be honest, the most boring part of the game. What else do you expect? Is this considered a "tangent"? John asked me NOT to go off on one this time. Oh wait...

Anyway...yes, it's that time of year again. Mercury is a fast son of a bitch, and that's never a problem. He starts to have difficulty when he slows down. You ever have that person in your life who just doesn't pick up things when you say them the first time? Mercury's storm is kind of like that. It's like telling a story and you're just getting to the good part and you say, "Go back to the part where Neptune got really drunk at a casino!" In your mind, you're thinking, "What the fuck? I was already past that part and it wasn't even the most interesting thing that happened!" So you try to go back just the same and it just gets worse and eventually you say, "You know what, Mercury? I'm going home because you're not going to remember a fucking word I say right now. Let's talk again in five weeks."

The storm is just the beginning. And even though John assures me that you all know the drill when it comes to Merc retrograde fuckery, a few points can be made here. You can expect.
  • Missed emails, text messages, or voicemails
  • Miscommunication of all kinds between people
  • Problems with paperwork--lost, misplaced, re-routed, etc.
  • Unexpected delays or cancellations of meetings or get-togethers
  • Computer problems of any and all stripes but usually minor ones
  • People being late or not showing up at all
Some of your standard coping strategies include:
  • Back up all computer data regularly
  • Check all travel plans--hotels, airlines, car rentals, etc.--before you leave on any trips
  • Confirm that meetings are taking place 
  • Try NOT to sign anything during this period--lease, job offer, etc.--if you can help it. If you can't wait, read the fine print TWICE on every document you sign and confirm understanding
  • Ensure your messages are being sent and received
  • Don't start new projects; "new" things that are started now usually have to be re-done
  • Finish up old projects and tie up loose ends
  • Edit--this is a GREAT time for editing manuscripts and documents!
  • Be understanding of others' problems communicating or showing up late or not at all; likely it is not their fault
  • Speak carefully
Overall, please be extremely careful about communicating because there is a strong potential for misunderstandings. Simply and clearly is the way to go.

Also, if you are traveling, be extra careful and allow extra time. Don't text and drive and minimize all cell phone communications if you are driving. And expect dropped calls and technical difficulties. I suggest having a backup plan that doesn't include technology, like printed directions, for example. 

If you haven't backed up your data--hard drives, cell phones, tablets, etc.--do it right now. Don't wait another moment. 

Mercury goes officially retrograde at 13 Gemini 06 at 9:50pm on May 19 here in my part of the world, but it will be stationary for quite a few hours before it actually goes retrograde. At this time, with Mercury in its rulership in Gemini, take everything you see and hear with a grain of salt! (For what it's worth, I don't perform well in Gemini AT ALL...that sign of the Twins is not good for expanding the mind or the empire. Hope John is listening!)

John thanks you as always for your attention, and I wish you good luck with the upcoming fuckery. If you have a  Mercury retrograde story you'd like to pass along to John, he assures me you know how to reach him. 

I think I'll hang out at home and read until this shit is over. Just sayin'. That Mercury can be one crazy motherfucker!

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