Interview with Mercury, Part 4

John: I think it’s vital that we recap the last part of this conversation, Mercury. This is information my readers need to hear more than once. [consults notes] So you cover the same area of the zodiac three times, three or four times a year.

Mercury: True. To complete this task, I will need to slow down while still moving forward, turn around, move backward through the zodiac for a time, slow down, turn direct again, and return to my usual speedy self.

John: That’s a revelation for a lot of my readers, I’m sure, because of the implications there.

Mercury: No implications, John. Just facts. That’s all I do, as you recall.

John: Come on. Think about it from a human’s perspective. Your retrograde periods scare people. We’ve just told them that the effects of these thrice-yearly periods are double the length they thought they were.

Mercury: Their fear doesn’t have any impact on me. I’m just doing my job.

John: You’re going to have to help me reassure people that this isn’t a terrible revelation.

Mercury: No, actually I don’t. I’m contractually obligated to do this interview about my role here, which is to provide information, apparently without access to any of my electronic devices thanks to the draconian document the Sun signed to ensure my compliance. Reassurance, dear sir, is your job. Or not. I don’t really care.

John: Tell us what kinds of things can happen during this entire seven-week period, then.

Mercury: Fair enough. Once I enter the area I’ll transit three times, as I stated earlier, things can go a little haywire. As you’ve seen, I have many responsibilities and there can be some negative impact for your readers.

John: Yes, I hear about you from people all the time. You’re not as well liked as many of your colleagues for that reason.

Mercury: Their feelings about me are truly irrelevant to my existence. Regardless, in these situations I realize that I can be inconvenient to many humans. Anything that I’m involved in can go slightly off kilter.

John: To cite a specific example, there is a greater possibility of misunderstandings between people.

Mercury: Certainly. It’s not a great time for important conversations. The more important it is, the more likely it should be put off if possible.

John: And if it can’t be postponed?

Mercury: Then I encourage face to face conversation to reduce the chances of one party or the other misunderstanding what was discussed. I always shake my head when people decide to have important conversations—or even better, arguments—via text message or one of the other somewhat impersonal mediums. Emojis don’t necessarily enhance comprehension.

John: Makes sense. A lot of folks worry about paperwork problems when you’re away from the office, too.

Mercury: Those potential problems are easier to handle. You’ve really got to review documents carefully. In the case of something like an important contract or a house purchase, for example, have someone else look them over, too, in case you missed something. And please make copies of everything so you’re covered if your important documents, like your tax forms, get lost in the mail.

John: That’s good advice in any case. That very thing happened to me this year. I emailed my information to our tax preparer and somehow, when I got the confirmation that it had been delivered, it said it had arrived in El Paso, Texas. My accountant is maybe five miles from here, in Virginia.

Mercury: What happened?

John: After some digging, I found out my accountant got everything just fine. Turns out that the package tracking number had been used on two different packages! What are the chances? And that wasn’t even during a retrograde!

Mercury: Whoa. That’s really random.

John: And speaking of random, I will say that I suspect that for many, it’s the vexing technology problems that arise during these retrograde periods of yours that people remember.

Mercury: Look, all of you carry networked computers that fit in your pockets. The point of these devices is communication, so you have to expect that when I’m out of the office there are going to be some inconveniences.

John: Yes. There’s a greater likelihood that messages will go awry: trouble downloading or sending emails or texts, struggles with any social media platform, or other bizarre communication errors are common.

Mercury: Very true. There’s not a ton you can do about those, but you can lessen the chance of them happening by updating the apps on your devices, for example, only when necessary during my retrogrades. It’s a bad move to perform any kind of hardware and software upgrades as well; as with difficult or important conversations, try to wait if you can.

John: And if you can’t wait?

Mercury: [shrugs] Hope you backed everything up!

John: That’s an awfully glib thing for you to say, but you don’t care, do you?

Mercury: If I told you I did, it would be a lie. [pause] But there are a few good things to do when I go out of town, and the “re-“ in retrograde is a good reminder.

John: Such as…?

Mercury: To start with, it’s a good time to re-lax. Re-tool old projects. Re-examine situations with a critical eye. Re-edit that manuscript you’ve been working on. Basically, finish up loose ends on things that you’ve started. Beginning new projects isn’t a great idea, but these periods can help you be more efficient and effective.