Saturn: Hello, Neptune. How have you been? Thanks for not returning my calls. At least you texted me to tell me you were "coming in hot", whatever that means.
Neptune: I see you've still got a stick up your ass, old man. But as to your question, I'm doing very well. I'm surprised you had some time for me...I know how busy you are right now.
Saturn: Well, I am busy. I mean...Ukraine alone will be a horrific mess to clean up and may be even worse than the whole breakup of Ma Bell.
Neptune: You know that like seven people will know what you're talking about with that sentence, right? Ma Bell? Or phones that are attached to WALLS? Or plastic discs with needles that played music? It may as well be Saturnalia for younger people.
Saturn: Well that article back in December brought Saturnalia back into the public eye, so we'll see if people start it up again. I wouldn't hate it. But I'm seeing you for another reason.
Neptune: Oh? Let me guess: John's doing something you don't like? No...don't tell me...he's answering all of your messages in haikus or something? I mean, it is Mercury retrograde and all...
Saturn: You are humorous as ever. But let's be serious. And to get you sit here and listen to me I've done something I never do.
Neptune: Smile? Laugh? Allow chaos? I know, it's right on the tip of my tongue...[chuckles]
Saturn: [turning around with a bottle in his hand]. I bought alcohol for you to consume while you're here.
Neptune: Let me see! [looks at bottle carefully] You didn't cheap out on me, either! What's the catch?
Saturn: No catch. Would you like a glass, Great Deceiver?
Neptune: [looks at Saturn seriously] Uh oh...he's throwing out titles, ladies and gentlemen. This can't be good. It's gotta be worse than haikus. Maybe he's decided to write in iambic pentameter? [Pause] Don't leave me hanging, Old Man. If you're going to offer me some hospitality, a glass would be good. I can open this thing up by myself. [wrenches bottle open] So? You want me to listen? Then talk to me.
Saturn: [walks over and hands Neptune a highball glass] I figured out why they call you "Great Deceiver", Neptune. You pulled a fast one on me when it comes to John. When you first told me about helping him get out from under my influence, you said that eventually he'd come back to me.
Neptune: Sure, Saturn. I did. And he has. The man edits like a fiend, and he's as reliable and responsible as he's always been. And he got another title, that of Godfather, a few months back, and I would have thought that would make you elated! So what's the problem?
Saturn: THE PROBLEM?? HE'S NEVER GOING TO BE LIKE HE WAS!! You didn't tell me that part. He didn't come back as John! He came back as...somebody else!
Neptune: You're really upset that one of your people is more balanced?
Saturn: I liked him the way he was! He and I were close. And now we're not. He takes time to do fun things at least once a day, sometimes more often. He's more creative and expressive than he was. And I still don't see those as benefits.
Neptune: [shakes head] You still don't get it, even after all this time. I don't think I'm going to be able to explain it in a way you'll understand. You're like a child who has lost his toy. It's weird telling the Old Man of the astrological world to grow the fuck up, but if the shoe fits...
Saturn: [Pause] I think you should leave now, Neptune. Inviting you over was clearly a mistake.
Neptune: I'm sorry, Saturn. Really. [walks toward door with bottle in hand]. I can be a good listener, but it sounds like you need more than that. Maybe you ought to talk to Pluto. He's John's sun sign ruler. If anyone can put this in perspective for you, he can. Good night.