[singing] ALL I DO IS WIN WIN WIN NO MATTER WHAT!
Anyway, now that douche canoe Mercury is out of the picture. I gotta get you up to speed on what's happening with me this year. Going to be totally rad, I gotta say!
I'm starting the year off right in one of my favorite signs, Scorpio! I'll be at 14 Scorpio 18 and head all the way to 09 Aquarius 13 by the time June 27 comes around. That's the time when I have to take my biannual retrograde.
Now I don't like to talk about it, but when I go backward I get sorta weird. It's like being on my "man period" and nothing seems to work right. I get more like Venus, ya know? So don't even bother trying to get shit started while I'm away.
If you're still trying to figure out what my retro is like, let me make it real plain: Trying to start a business, a marketing campaign or any other motivational shit--like an exercise program--during my retrograde is asking for trouble. It's like pourin' sugar in the gas tank of your Corvette, or deciding that you're going to be a badass on your first day at the gym. Don't even THINK about doing that! You will so regret it, amirite?!?
I'll head back to 28 Capricorn 37 on August 28 before I move forward again, but that's TWO FULL MONTHS that I'll be out of action.
Once I'm back in the game, I'll be headin' to 29 Pisces 24 by year's end. So it's very likely that I'll smash something in your chart. Hopefully, I'll give you an energy boost and not piss you off too much.
Make 2018 the year you get off the couch and back to life!
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