Greetings, mortals. Uranus here, God of the Sky--ok, so technically, as Saturn would say, I'm the planet NAMED for the God of the Sky, but since he cut my dick off a while back I think it doesn't FUCKING MATTER WHAT HE SAYS!
Well, pressing on then. John has asked me to discuss where I'll be heading in 2018. Like many of the outer planets I'm spending a lot of time in retrograde, but I'll be making some progress through the zodiac.
I was retrograde at 24 Aries 34 when the year started, but I was practically stationary at that time, and I went direct on January 3. I go maybe 3-4 minutes a day when I'm in direct motion--that's about 5-7% of one degree, for those of you playing at home, though I bet you Aquarians already knew it, didn't you! OF COURSE YOU DID! Smarter than the rest of them, aren't you?
Actually, I'll be in direct motion until August 8, finishing Aries and heading into Taurus, and I'll get all the way to 2 Taurus 34 by then. As we celebrate New Years' Eve on 2018, I'll be back at 28 Aries 37. But fear not! I turn direct again in early 2019.
What this means, good people, is that if you have planets between 24 Aries and 2 Taurus, I'll be paying them a visit. And yes, John can be a tiresome old bore--he works too much and is generally too predictable like his ruling planet, Saturn of the Saggy Scrotum--but he's right to say that when I come along, I tend to break shit. If he's being nice, he says, "Expect the unexpected!"
If I hit one of your planets or other sensitive points, IT'S GOING DOWN! Maybe you'll rebel or cause a revolution in your own life! WHO KNOWS! Hell I don't even know, because I haven't gotten there yet.
Toodles, good people, and good luck! And if that motherfucking Saturn tries to tell you he owns Aquarians, HE NEEDS TO FUCKING STEP OFF!
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